Phun Stuff and Everything You Dislike: September 2010

Mittwoch, 29. September 2010

Vol 942 - Sept. 29, 2010 - The Blonde Medical Dictionary

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

3 NEW WEBSITE ENHANCEMENTS!

We have added three new features that you have been asking for.

1. GAMES UPGRADE - TOURNAMENTS - NEW FORMAT - WIN CASH & PRIZES

"NEW! Play free online games on Strange Cosmos now! Play your favorite games like Diner Dash, Cube Crasher and Bubble Town with your friends or by yourself. You can now invite your friends from Facebook to play and compete in Cash Tournaments and win fun prizes; get ready to compare each others' scores!"

NEW "OLD" GAMES ADDED! CLASSICS - FROGGER - PAC-MAN - ASTEROIDS !!!!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/games.html

2. Auto Image Centering - no need to scroll down and center the image anymore!

3. New Utility Bar on top right and bottom of each image page which allows direct connect to 12 POPULAR Social Networking and News sites - FaceBook - MySpace - Reddit - Twitter - Digg - Stumbleupon - Yahoo - Google.

Now it's easier than ever to share and store your favorite images and jokes!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

==================================

Strange Quotes From Supposedly Smart People:

These People Are Role Models??????

«Pitching is 80% of the game. The other half is hitting and fielding. - Mickey Rivers, baseball player

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. - Fran Lebowitz, US writer

We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?» - Lee Iacocca, Chairman of the Chrysler corporation

He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.»
- Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.- George Gobel

If only faces could talk...- Pat Summerall, Sportscaster, during the Super Bowl

I'm not anorexic. I'm from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I've never heard of one. And that includes me.— Jessica Simpson

That's just the tip of the ice cube.» - Neil Hamilton, BBC2

I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid. - Terry Bradshaw, Former football player/announcer

It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment, it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

The only happy artist is a dead artist, because only then you can't change. After I die, I'll probably come back as a paintbrush.- Sylvestor Stallone, Actor

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - The Blonde Medical Dictionary

The Blonde Medical Dictionary

Artery.............Study of paintings

Bacteria............Backdoor to cafeteria

Barium..............What to do when treatment fails

Bowel................Letter like A E I O or U

Ceasarean Section....District in Rome

Cat Scan.............Searching for Kitty

Cauterize............Make eye contact with her

Colic................Sheep Dog

Coma.................Punctuation Mark

Congenital...........Friendly

D & C................Where Washington is

Dilate...............To live long

Enema.................Not a friend

Fester................Quicker

Genital...............Non-Jewish

Hang Nail.............Coat Hook

Impotent..............Distinguished, well known

Labor pain............Hurt at work

Morbid................Higher offer

Nitrate...............Cheeper than day

Node..................Was aware of

Outpatient............Person fainted

Post op...............Letter Carrier

Recovery Room.........Place to apholster

Rectum................Dang near Killed Him

Rheumatic.............Amorous

Secretion.............Hiding something

Tablet................Small table

Terminal Illness......Sick at Airport

Tibia.................Country in North Africa

Tumor.................More than One

Urine.................Opposite of 'you're out'

Varicose..............Nearby

Vein..................Conceited

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE ACTION GIF - BALANCE BEAM FLIP FACEPLANT - OUCH! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/167924.html

WWI & WWII - STRANGE RAZZLE DAZZLE CAMOUFLAGE PAINT - USS LEVIATHAN - 1918 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/168314.html

STRANGE CELEBRITY DOLLS - TAYLOR SWIFT - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/168386.html

Strange Wooden Forest Head - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/168571.html

STRANGE OLDE CLASSIC AUTOS -1897 HUGOT - WICKER BODY SEAT & FENDERS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/168279.html

STRANGE HILLER X-18 HELICOPTER - DUAL PROPS - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/168412.html

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE TOP PICTURE - SCROLL DOWN! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/168352.html

AMAZING AUTO RACING - AMAZING "OVERHEAD" PASS - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/168422.html

STRANGE MILITARY PARADES AROUND THE WORLD - THAILAND - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/167817.html

STRANGE SINK HOLE APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE! - NOTE CAR UPPER RIGHT 2ND PICTURE FOR SCALE! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/168426.html

STRANGE VINTAGE EUROPEAN VEHICLES - 1910 PEUGEOT BEBE - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/167889.html

STRANGE VINTAGE EUROPEAN VEHICLES - 1912 PHANOMOBIL - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/167890.html

STRANGE COINS FROM AROUND THE WORLD - PALAU - TEUTOBURG FOREST BATTLE - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/168213.html

HOMER SIMPSON - CHALK GIANT AT CERNE ABBAS, DORSET - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/168376.html

MARILYN MONROE NEW RARE PIXS! - WITH JFK - SEXY DRESS - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/168538.html

STRANGE OLDE "WOODIE" WAGONS - 1948 CROSLEY - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/167988.html

TATTOOED WOMAN TOLD TO PUT BAG OVER HER HEAD BY JOBCENTRE - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/168378.html

STRANGE MAZES - CHERRY CREST ADVENTURE FARM - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/167582.html

==================================
The Featured Pix Category This Week -

content/category/100656_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

5 Strange Facts About Lamborghini - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/168570.html

Strange Gifts For Men - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/168594.html

Strange Tips For Proper English - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/168595.html

You Know You're From Pennsylvania if... - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/168596.html

How to Speak Nuw Zulander .......... - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/123073.html

Frenchisms! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/111905.html

You Know You're Norwegian When... - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/107314.html

Insults about Nationalities and by Country - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/25414.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week -

content/category/102_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

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Sonntag, 26. September 2010

Vol 941 - Sept. 25, 2010 - Politically Correct in the Army

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

3 NEW WEBSITE ENHANCEMENTS!

We have added three new features that you have been asking for.

1. GAMES UPGRADE - TOURNAMENTS - NEW FORMAT - WIN CASH & PRIZES

NEW "OLD" GAMES ADDED! CLASSICS - FROGGER - PAC-MAN - ASTEROIDS !!!!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/games.html

2. Auto Image Centering - no need to scroll down and center the image anymore!

Now it's easier than ever to share and store your favorite images and jokes!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

==================================

Strange Military Quotes:

Here are the top Military quotes that inspired warriors:

"What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight – it's the size of the fight in the dog"
- General Dwight D. Eisenhower

"If men make war in slavish obedience to rules, they will fail."
- General Ulysses S. Grant

"The price of freedom is eternal vigilance."
- Thomas Jefferson

"You cannot be disciplined in great things and indiscipline in small things. Brave undisciplined men have no chance against the discipline and valor of other men. Have you ever seen a few policemen handle a crowd?"
- General George S. Patton Jr

"The way to win an atomic war is to make certain it never starts."
- General Omar N. Bradley

"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind. War will exist until that distant day when the conscientious objector enjoys the same reputation and prestige that the warrior does today."
- John F. Kennedy

"Some of you young men think that war is all glamor and glory,
but let me tell you, boys, it is all hell!"
- General William T. Sherman

"It is my earnest hope - indeed the hope of all mankind - that from this solemn occasion a better world shall emerge out of the blood and carnage of the past, a world found upon faith and understanding, a world dedicated to the dignity of man and the fulfillment of his most cherished wish for freedom, tolerance and justice."
- General Douglas Macarthur

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Politically Correct in the Army

Politically Correct in the Army

How to be Politically Correct when talking about Men (Or Army Men)

--------------------------------------
1. He does not have a beer gut...

He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.(regular guys)

He has a personal war reserve stock.(army guys)

-------------------------------------
2. He is not quiet...

He is a Conversational Minimalist.

He is a SAMS grad.

-------------------------------------
3. He is not stupid...

He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.

He is a field grade.

-------------------------------------
4. He does not get lost all the time...

He discovers Alternative Destinations.

He gets temporarily misoriented.

-------------------------------------
5. He is not balding...

He is in Follicle Regression.

He has a REALLY squared away high and tight.

-------------------------------------------
6. He is not a cradle robber...

He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.

He is breaking the new fraternization policies.

-------------------------------
7. He does not get falling-down drunk...

He becomes Accidentally Horizontal.

He practices his IMTs in the club.

-----------------------------
8. He is not short...

He is Anatomically Compact.

He suffers from a Napoleon Complex.

--------------------------------
9. He does not have a rich daddy...

He is a Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion.

He has the Army as a hobby.

---------------------------------
10. He does not constantly talk about cars...

He has a Vehicular Addiction.

He must be a Transporter.

---------------------------------
11. He does not have a hot body...

He is Physically Combustible.

He is a PT stud.

----------------------------------
12. He is not unsophisticated...

He is Socially Challenged.

He is a Ranger.

---------------------------------
13. He does not eat like a pig...

He suffers from Reverse Bulimia.

He eats like a Ranger student at Pizza Hut.

-------------------------------
14. He is not a bad dancer...

He is Overly Caucasian.

He is from the Muddy Boots Army.

-----------------------------------
15. He does not hog the blankets...

He is Thermally Unappreciative.

He is a Blue Falcon.

-----------------------------
16. He is not a male chauvinist pig...

He has Swine Empathy.

He must be combat arms.

-------------------------------
17. He is not afraid of commitment...

He is Monogamously Challenged.

He loves TDY.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE VINTAGE EUROPEAN VEHICLES - 1938 BUGATTI 57SC ATALANTE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/167909.html

WWI & WWII - STRANGE RAZZLE DAZZLE CAMOUFLAGE PAINT - HMS ARGUS - 1918 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/168336.html

CIVIL WAR PICTURES - FORT STEVENS - WASHINGTON DC - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/168085.html

CATFIGHT - RIHANNA & KATY PERRY - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/168263.html

STRANGE OLDE CLASSIC AUTOS - 1892 BENZ VELO - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/168276.html

AWESOME CUSTOM PAINT JOBS COMML' & MILITARY JETS - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/168348.html

RARE 1937 FORD HOUSECAR FOUND -1 OF 6 MADE - POP TOP UP - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/167878.html

THE HOTTEST SEXIEST LADIES OF THE EARLY 1900'S - MAE WEST (1910'S - 1930) - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/168149.html

INES SAINZ - HARASSED SPORTS REPORTER IN MY JETS LOCKERROOM - TV AZTECA - MEXICO - TIGHT BLUE JEANS - FROM BEHIND - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/160142.html

CRANE ATTACKS ANOTHER CRANE TRYING TO TAKE OFF - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/167607.html

STRANGE VINTAGE EUROPEAN VEHICLES - 1908 DELAUNAY BELLEVILLE TOWN CAR - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/167887.html

STRANGE COINS FROM AROUND THE WORLD - LIBERIA - LARGE COIN - WORLD CUP GIANTS - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/168224.html

BLONDE FIELD HOCKEY SCORE! STRANGE GREEN MOUTH GUARD - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/167851.html

FARM DANGERS - JOHN DEERE COMBINE ON FIRE IN THE FIELD! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/168109.html

BLONDE WITH A STRANGE MESSAGE TO THE COPS - DON'T PULL ME OVER BECAUSE I'M PRETTY! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/168112.html

STARS WHO LOVE TO RIDE HORSES - SIENNA MILLER - BLUE HORSE - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/168312.html

AUTHENTIC VAMPIRE PROTECTION AND KILLING KIT - 1 - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/158520.html

STRANGE MAZES - RICHARDSON FARM - HUGE CORN MAZE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/167580.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - STEALTH - AIRPLANES - SHIPS - SECRET EQUIPMENT - BLACK OPS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/100686_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Idiots all Around Us - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/168294.html

6 Strange Suicides – Suicide Attempts - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/168373.html

7 Strangest Wars in History - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/148814.html

You May Be a Taliban if...... - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/147888.html

20 Strange Facts About Hitler - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/139073.html

Strange Naval History - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/130345.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - STEALTH - AIRPLANES - SHIPS - SECRET EQUIPMENT - BLACK OPS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/107_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Freitag, 24. September 2010

[b3ta] "Special Chris Moyles charity fundraiser edition"

This Week:
* FUCK MY EYES - Funny name corner is back
* VIDEO - Dog on escalator
* CUTE - Sandkittens!

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're deluding ourselves
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | that Amstrad invented the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| iPad... together"

B3ta iMail 446 - 24 Sep 2010

Making sub-NTK gags like "Cisco Sucks" since 2001
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue446/

Cum bread: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Period Jam: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
A Hand in the Bush: the Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting

Just realised we can use Amazon to see what we
were buying in 1999 and - gosh - shitty, old
VHS tapes and CDs were expensive! However,
we're not linking to our first-ever purchase
(some dull book about Blur?!) but our 4th - a
book we bought for the title alone, thinking it
would make a good comedy Christmas gift for the
then-girlfriend. She was rather alarmed to find
it was mostly a collection of line drawings of
lesbians fisting each other. We broke up
shortly afterwards.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1890159026/b3ta-21

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other than wanking in Portaloos

>> Dog on an escalator <<
"My dog leads a simple life," confesses Waruu.
"Needless to say, he knows very little of the
workings of an escalator. A fact which he
brilliantly displayed on a recent trip into
London Town." This is why you're supposed to
carry your canine chums on escalators. Their
poor, fuzzy brains just can't cope.
http://snurl.com/dogscalator

>> Cat Face 22 <<
Cat Face has been going through all them old
photographs in the loft. Wonchop asks what
could life have been like for the Catfaces of
yesteryear?
http://weebls-stuff.com/catface/Cat+Face+22/

>> Sticks: Copper Kidnap <<
"Here's a follow-up to our lolly sticks
animation Copper Cuppa," say the Brothers
McLeod. Creepily in unison. "This one
features an evil pencil sharpener. Obviously."
http://snurl.com/copperkidnap

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Drugs

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you were really wasted.
Luckily some of you are willing to admit to
acting like a massive twat whilst on massive
drugs. Read about them here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/massivedrugs/

* "A friend of mine told me about his return
trip from Helter Skelter. He'd nodded off in
the passenger seat and woke up to the driver
having a bit of a panic: the headlights of a
lorry were looming towards them and the driver
was frantically trying to spin the wheel. The
other two passengers woke up too, and the
driver, after a few further panicked stamps on
the brakes, opened the door and hurled himself
out of the car. It transpired shortly after
this that all four of them had pulled over
into a layby for a nap several hours earlier;
the driver had woken up, seen the approaching
headlights and, in his addled haze, assumed he
was still driving. Where the idea of hurling
himself out of the car came from though, I've
no idea." (luckybluecoat)

* "When I first began driving I borrowed my
mum's car a lot. Enjoying the freedom of the
road I soon stocked up on indie compilation
tapes and sweets and visited friends around
the country. One evening my mum came back from
work and asked to sit down for a serious talk.
She pulled out a small white tablet embossed
with a letter on it and said to me, with tears
in her eyes: "I found this in my car. I want
you to answer me straight. Is this drugs?" I
took it off her, looked at it (I'd obviously
dropped it in the car) and told her the truth
in a calm tone of voice. "No. It's a Smint."
(B3tatimolsky)

* "As a northerner I like to inject ecstasy
straight into my mouth: we call it E by gum."
(djgalaxe - the old jokes are the best jokes)

>> This Week's Question : Regret <<
CactusZack wrote to tell us about dumping a
girlfriend AFTER she got breast implants. It
clearly still haunts him. What inexplicable
decisions have you made?
http://b3ta.com/questions/decisions/

-------------------------------------------------

: SHITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Signs of the fucking apocalypse <<
Are you completely rat-rape insane? Do you
worry that funny shit might happen in front of
you and you'll miss youTube gold? Then record
everything, EVERYTHING that occurs, with a
camera attached to your FACE. (We're wearing
one now so we can edit our toilet time into an
auto-tuned piss symphony.)
http://www.looxcie.com/

>> Blind people on iPhones <<
Found ourselves almost moved by this
description of a blind guy's life being
radically improved by an iPhone app which
speaks out the colours of stuff that you point
it at. BTW: Out of curiosity we nabbed the
same app and it's psychedelic - randomly
intoning strange and poetic colours with a
robot voice. It's like dropping acid with
Stephen Hawking.
http://snurl.com/myeyephone

>> Rap map <<
If you're stuck for a poster to print out to
illustrate your spunky sock-strewn hovel, then
waste your toner and A4 on this exciting GIF
that unlocks the secrets of Rap for the white
man.
http://snurl.com/rapchart

>> Map of European Stereotypes <<
It's obviously map week on the internet, and
this depressingly accurate collection of maps
makes us wish we understood world poLOLitics
better, but we can nod and laugh and pretend
with the best.
http://alphadesigner.com/project-mapping-stereotypes.html

>> Boy meets girl with a dark twist <<
Introducing the M Night Shamalamadingdong of
cartoons, here's something to crack one out to
while your torrents of "Granny Fuckfest 9" are
stalling at 99%.
http://www.viruscomix.com/page199.html

>> Crap at my parents' house <<
Those of you who aren't from broken homes
might have parents who still keep their
bedrooms pristine, literal empty nests, and
tombs to their post-menopausal wombs. Take
heed B3tans, this is what's called love:
http://crapatmyparentshouse.com

-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS THAT MAKE YOUR CUTEDAR GO PING PING PING
Sandkittens

"These blast points — too accurate for
sandkittens," muttered Obi-Wan Kittenobi. Cute
as buttons though.
http://snurl.com/spangcats

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like one of those Casio video watches from
2002 but with bigger video

>> OK Go - take 70-something <<
Every OK GO video they make is better than the
last one, and every song is less memorable.
How do they do it? How can they put notes
together in such forgettable ways? Still, the
video is interstellar and... did you spot the
goat?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHlJODYBLKs

>> Russian bloke vs airbag <<
We were chatting to Britain's premiere viral
director Ben Wheatley the other day and he
told us his theory of slapstick viral success.
Someone smug should get a comeuppance. If this
wasn't real - we reckon Ben could have made
it. It's the callous laughter that stays with
you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGJApB6NxyI

>> Stsanders Beatles <<
Comedy has a new name and it's Stsanders.
Fucking classic, mate. And we're not types to
use that pseudo-matey cockney chat.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Stsanders_Beatles

>> Star Wars - 10 Re-Edits <<
"Ten scenes from the Great Film, re-edited for
laughs. Some hilarious, some not," writes
Cliff Richard's porn stash. To be honest, we
only managed the first gag about clumsy jedis
before contemptuously thinking, "This will
work as filler for the newsletter" and then
going back to main job of the day: googling
those idiots in the 'catch the bus' suicide
pact.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Star_Wars_10_Re_Edits

>> How to crack open a coconut <<
This is the same chappie that chucked a brick
into a washing machine and, by crikey, he's a
bit of a mental. Here he's made some sort of
mad machine to destroy coconuts by inflating
them. It's a real low-stakes thriller, as the
pressure dial slowly creeps into the red zone.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_to_crack_open_a_coconut

>> DJ Cat <<
Old people on the internet might remember
Keyboard Cat, a youTube vid (remember them?)
from simpler days. This is somewhat
reminiscent.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Dj_Cat

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Like rape is funny to a rape victim. We're not
disrespecting rape victims here, we're simply
saying this section isn't funny, using
appropriately strong language.

* INVENTOR OF SEMEN-BASED INVISIBLE INK WAS
CALLED 'CUMMING' - actually forget the crappy
lol factor of the name, it's just a
fascinating story that YOU need to read.
http://snurl.com/inkstain

* MARIJUANA SAWYER - what kind of parent names
a child after the drugs they were on when they
conceived the child? Oh, a high parent of
course. Ever wonder why so many 80s kids are
called Charlie?
http://www.uww.edu/advising/aaec/welcome/staff/sawyer.html

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Retro Sci-Fi Challenge

Last week we wanted you to show us the future,
yesterday.

Your favourites included:

* AWWW - worth much clickage simply for the
sublime image of Chewbacca as a pup (Fresh
Water Mole)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10189914

* SUPPER - that classic Alien scene,
re-imagined as a Da Vinci mural (The Great
Architect)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10190559

* BOOZE - the best beer, ever, has a mixed
audience (Ninj)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10193037

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/scifisequel/

>> New challenge: Parallel Universes <<
Imagine a universe where everything is totally
reversed. Then make a picture or animation of
it. Challenge suggested by The Hedgehog From
Hell.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/parallel/

-------------------------------------------------

: FIRESHARES NEEDED FOR PhD
Go on, help a B3tan out

Commandsheep writes -
"I'm a member of b3ta and would like to summon
the wisdom of the crowd for a piece of
research for my PhD. I have been slacking
through the whole thing so far but now I have
realised that I have to put some effort in,
otherwise they are going to kick me out. My
professor already hates me and my only chance
to win his love back is to present him with
some results. So please b3ta, will you help me
out?

"I am looking for young adults (aged 18-24)
that download music with p2p file-sharing apps
and are willing to be interviewed. I know that
this technology is archaic by now but when I
started the PhD it wasn't. And that should
tell you about how long I have been living
this hell.

"My email for contact is: commandsheep@gmail.com"

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* VEITCH IS ENTERING THE HAM BUSINESS - Joel
writes, "I'm embarking on flogging ham HAM
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM specifically Serrano
ham. The ham project is called HAMAZING and it
is going to be absolutely brilliant! I am
massively buzzing off the fact I am going into
the ham business, mainly because it means
there will be a completely justifiable excuse
for me to always have loads of ham."

* DAN BULL ON SPOTIFY - B3ta's own pet rapper
Dan has stuck his debut album on Spotify. We
listened to it whilst walking in the rain and
particularly enjoyed the track about writing
songs to get stuff out of your head, as a form
of therapy. Speaking as people who've recorded
over 50 tracks this year, most of them too
alarming for public consumption, we're saying
"right on, brother."
http://open.spotify.com/album/0o2u8kElp1WJs3ycLuJs3x

* AN OFF BUTTON FOR FACEBOOK PLACES - anniediv
writes, "Is this what you meant?" Erm,
probably. Mostly we were just moaning that
Facebook had foisted more unwelcome shit on
us. If we wanted to be on foursquare we'd be
there. BTW: UK Wired magazine having
foursquare bloke on cover a few months back
with tagline "King of the Internet" made us
laugh so much we had to photograph it for
future lols.
http://bit.ly/cswUVt

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
Real world break out

Imagine you're trapped in a really dull office
and the only way you can skive is to play
crappy versions of Breakout that look like
Word from the mid-2000s. If this isn't your
life already then this game is a pretty
accurate simulation:
http://snurl.com/realworldbreakout

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* THINK ABOUT XMAS - maybe a pop-up advent
calendar with shitty obscene Internet memes
behind every door like goaste, turbgirl and
that twat who sat on a lightbulb.

* CUM-BREAD - Recently been mildly obsessed
with cum-bread (bread made with cum) after
seeing a reference to it in a biography of 70s
disco star Sylvester. Please make some, do a
"how to make cum-bread video" then see if you
can get find anyone stupid enough to eat it.
BTW: We're so cum-bread obsessed that it's
become a minor catch phrase. Like, "Hey
Cum-bread, how was work?" Or, "What's for
dinner? I hope it's cum-bread."

* AN EIFFEL TOWER MADE OF SAUSAGES - we dunno,
it's getting towards lunchtime and our tummies
are rumbling.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Top people: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Shit wanks: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANK YOU OFF UNTIL YOU POP:
This issue was written by Rob "ert" Manuel
with David Leonardo Stevenson using the power
of Google Docs. We used to use a Wiki but
Jesus Helium Christ, this is easier. Stuff
sent in by drake1, robneymcplum, chestmcgee,
Rodhri, Enzyme, Hellzapoppin, chthonicionic,
glenbo, Dave the Explosive Newt, Paster of
Muppets, waz4444, Christian Heilmann.
Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. BTW:
Considering Princess Diana lived about 36
years, we'd like to know where Elton gets his
surprisingly durable candles from. Subjlols
via The Great Architect.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
"Hi Chaps," simpers ArfurDaley, "for your top
tippery newslettery shenanigans: Shave in the
shower, to save huge amounts of time and
shaving foam. That is all."

__._,_.___

Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New Topic

Messages in this topic (1)

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__,_._,___

Mittwoch, 22. September 2010

Vol 940 - Sept. 22, 2010 - Strange Housekeeping Tips

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

3 NEW WEBSITE ENHANCEMENTS!

We have added three new features that you have been asking for.

1. GAMES UPGRADE - TOURNAMENTS - NEW FORMAT - WIN CASH & PRIZES

NEW "OLD" GAMES ADDED! CLASSICS - FROGGER - PAC-MAN - ASTEROIDS !!!!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/games.html

2. Auto Image Centering - no need to scroll down and center the image anymore!

Now it's easier than ever to share and store your favorite images and jokes!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

==================================

Strange "My Philosophy on Success" Quotes

I don't meet competition. I crush it. - Charles Revson

I'm not the type to get ulcers. I give them. - Ed Koch

I don't want people to know what I'm actually like. It's not good for an actor - Jack Nicholson, 1993

I always figured the American public wanted a solemn ass for president, so I went along with them. -Calvin Coolidge

I don't read books, I write them. - Henry Kissinger

I'm not the type to get ulcers. I give them. - Ed Koch

If people screw me, I screw back in spades. - Donald Trump

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Stramge Housekeeping Tips

Tomorrow I will do the housework, NO EXCUSES!!! (unless they're good ones)

1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

2. If it walks out of your refrigerator, let it go!

3. The best mini-vac for an after meal clean up is the dog.

4. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.

5. Never make fried chicken in the nude.

6. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.

7. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.

8. If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.

9. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

10. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

11. Simplify... hire a maid.

12: My second favourite household chore is ironing. My first being Hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

13. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

14. I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

15. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"

16. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.

17. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..."

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE GOLFERS - DOGGIE DRIVER - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/167699.html

STRANGE 3-D ACTION GIF'S - SURFER SEEN FROM UNDERWATER - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/167936.html

STRANGE MILITARY PARADES AROUND THE WORLD - INDIA - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/167811.html

1957 CHEVROLET CORVETTE SS RACE CAR - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/167880.html

STRANGE VINTAGE EUROPEAN VEHICLES - 1907 SPYKER - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/167886.html

STRANGE RUSSIAN TANKS TESTING "UMBRELLA" FROM HOLLOW POINT PROJECTILES - T-55 & T-64'S - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/167971.html

STRANGE OLDE "WOODIE" WAGONS - 1947 PONTIAC STREAMLINER W/ ALL THE OLD TOYS - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/167984.html

OLDE POLITICAL CARTOON STILL RELEVANT TODAY (1870'S) THOMAS NAST - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/167528.html

CIVIL WAR PICTURES - IRONCLAD USS MONITOR - VIEW FROM THE GUN DECK - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/168084.html

HUGE OCEAN WAVE COVERS ENTIRE BOW OF STEAMSHIP - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/168108.html

STRANGE CADILLAC - ONE BIG CHICKEN! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/168111.html

STRANGE YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK SITE: MORNING GLORY POOL - 5 - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/168124.html

AMAZING BLUE BIRD NAILS 3 FISH IN FROZEN POND - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/168141.html

RARE ONE OWNER 1928 ROLLS ROYCE CONVERTIBLE - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/168158.html

RUSSIAN AIRCRAFT CARRIER 'MINSK' ON DISPLAY IN ASIA - BOUGHT BY CHINA - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/168191.html

INES SAINZ - HOT SPORTS REPORTER - "HARASSED" IN NY JETS LOCKER ROOM - HOT PANTS TIGHT TOP - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/160147.html

STRANGE COINS FROM AROUND THE WORLD - COOK ISLANDS - EASTER ISLAND POP UP HEADS - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/168222.html

TOP 10 THINGS WOMEN DO TO SABOTAGE THEIR CAREERS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/168119.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - STRETCH LIMOUSINES - WILD AND LONG - HIGH END LUXURY CARS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100366_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Actual Answers on High School Science Tests - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/168290.html

Strange Music Exam Answers - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/168291.html

Inner Strength - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/168292.html

Redneck Rules of Etiquette - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/168293.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SV - STRETCH LIMOUSINES - WILD AND LONG - HIGH END LUXURY CARS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/111_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Sonntag, 19. September 2010

Vol 939 - Sept. 19, 2010 - Strange Questions - Strange Answers!

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

3 NEW WEBSITE ENHANCEMENTS!

We have added three new features that you have been asking for.

1. GAMES UPGRADE - TOURNAMENTS - NEW FORMAT - WIN CASH & PRIZES

NEW "OLD" GAMES ADDED! CLASSICS - FROGGER - PAC-MAN - ASTEROIDS !!!!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/games.html

2. Auto Image Centering - no need to scroll down and center the image anymore!

Now it's easier than ever to share and store your favorite images and jokes!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

==================================

Here are some comments made by sports commentators that I'm sure they would like to take back:

Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk Event: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

Grand Prix Race Announcer: "The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one in front of the similar one in back."

Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

Ringside Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing - but none of them really that serious."

Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Questions - Strange Answers!

Q: Why are many coin banks shaped like pigs?

A: Long ago, dishes and cookware in Europe were made of a dense orange clay called "pygg". When people saved coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as "pygg banks." When an English potter misunderstood the word, he made a bank that resembled a pig. And it caught on.

Q: Did you ever wonder why dimes, quarters and half dollars have notches, while pennies and nickels do not?

A: The US Mint began putting notches on the edges of coins containing gold and silver to discourage holders from shaving off small quantities of the precious metals. Dimes, quarters and half dollars are notched because they used to contain silver. Pennies and nickels aren't notched because the metals they contain are not valuable enough to shave..

Q: Why do men's clothes have buttons on the right while women's clothes have buttons on the left?

A: When buttons were invented, they were very expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid's right. Since most people are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the left. And that's where women's buttons have remained since.

Q: Why do X's at the end of a letter signify kisses?

A: In the Middle Ages, when many people were unable to read or write, documents were often signed using an X. Kissing the X represented an oath to fulfill obligations specified in the document. The X and the kiss eventually became synonymous.

Q: Why is shifting responsibility to someone else called "passing the buck"?

A: In card games, it was once customary to pass an item, called a buck, from player to player to indicate whose turn it was to deal. If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility, he would "pass the buck" to the next player.

Q: Why do people clink their glasses before drinking a toast?

A: It used to be common for someone to try to kill an enemy by offering him a poisoned drink. To prove to a guest that a drink was safe, it became customary for a guest to pour a small amount of his drink into the glass of the host. Both men would drink it simultaneously. When a guest trusted his host, he would then just touch or clink the host's glass with his own.

Q: Why are people in the public eye said to be "in the limelight"?

A: Invented in 1825, limelight was used in lighthouses and stage lighting by burning a cylinder of lime which produced a brilliant light. In the theatre, performers on stage "in the limelight" were seen by the audience to be the center of attention.

Q: Why do ships and aircraft in trouble use "mayday"as their call for help?

A: This comes from the French word m'aidez -meaning "help me" -- and is pronounced "mayday,"

Q: Why is someone who is feeling great "on cloud nine"?

A: Types of clouds are numbered according to the altitudes they attain, with nine being the highest cloud If someone is said to be on cloud nine, that person is floating well above worldly cares.

Q: Why are zero scores in tennis called "love"?

A: In France , where tennis first became popular, a big, round zero on scoreboard looked like an egg and was called "l'oeuf," which is French for "egg." When tennis was introduced in the US , Americans pronounced it "love."

Q: In golf, where did the term "Caddie" come from?

A: When Mary, later Queen of Scots, went to France as a young girl (for education &survival), Louis, King of France, learned that she loved the Scot game "golf." So he had the first golf course outside of Scotland built for her enjoyment. To make sure she was properly chaperoned (and guarded) while she played, Louis hired cadets from a military school to accompany her. Mary liked this a lot and when she returned to Scotland (not a very good idea in the long run), she took the practice with her. In French, the word cadet is pronounced 'ca- day' and the Scots changed it into "caddie."

Submitted by Gary S.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE BABY SLOTH - 1 - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/167696.html

STRANGE ACTION GIF - GUY BEACHES SEADOO - FLIPS OVER DOES FACEPLANT IN THE SAND - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/167922.html

SPECIAL LARGE TRANSPORTATION PROBLEMS - HOW THEY HAUL THE BIG STUFF -100+ WHEEL TRAILER - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/167761.html

DUMB THIEF CAUGHT ON CAMERA - ARRESTED! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/168048.html

CIVIL WAR PICTURES - CAPTURED CONFEDERATE IRONCLAD C.S.S. STONEWALL - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/168082.html

STRANGE 3-D ACTION GIF'S - AMAZING OCEAN BEACH WAVES - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/167935.html

KELLY LaBROCK - 'WEIRD SCIENCE' HOTTIE - THEN & NOW - BLACK EVENING GOWN - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/168059.html

INES SAINZ - HOT SPORTS REPORTER - TV AZTECA - "HARASSED" IN NY JETS LOCKER ROOM - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/160143.html

AIR SHOW DANGERS - MIDAIR COLLISION RED BARON TRI-PLANE AND BI-PLANE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/168102.html

STRANGE VINTAGE EUROPEAN VEHICLES - 1907 RILEY 9 HP TRI-CAR - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/167885.html

STRANGE RUSSIAN TANKS TESTING "UMBRELLA" FROM HOLLOW POINT PROJECTILES - T-55 & T-64'S - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/167971.html

ALABAMA CRIMSONETTES - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/168103.html

LUCKY PILOT CRASHES GLIDER AT AIR SHOW - WALKS AWAY! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/168073.html

STRANGE SCARY INSECT PHOTOS ELECTRON MICROSCOPE - FLY WITH COLORFUL EYES - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/166946.html

STRANGE OLDE "WOODIE" WAGONS - 1947 DODGE BUS WAGON WITH WOODIE TEARDROP CAMPER - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/167982.html

CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/168078.html

HOUSE MOVING DANGERS - BRIDGE LOAD LIMIT EXCEEDED - HOUSE FALLS THRU - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/168110.html

STRANGE OPTICAL ILLUSION - 4 PERFECTLY ROUND CIRCLES - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/167530.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SZ - STRANGE MUTANTS & ALBINO ANIMALS - All Kinds - Big & Small

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/100905_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

The Liberal Media's 30 Favorite Oxymorons - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/168081.html

50 Works of Art You Should See Before You Die - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/126885.html

How Do You Decide Who to Marry - (Written by Kids!) - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/126810.html

You Might Be A Physics Major if........... - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/127882.html

Strange School Excuses from Parents - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/129846.html

Strange Grammar Tips - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/130053.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SZ - STRANGE MUTANTS & ALBINO ANIMALS - All Kinds - Big & Small

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/125_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Freitag, 17. September 2010

[b3ta] "Get your tax money back by robbing from a catholic collection plate"

This Week:
* POPE STUFF - Yeah, big surprise there
* QUESTION - Confess your awful druggy ways
* VIDEO - Tourette's guy sings Erasure

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're holding our
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | poos in for Jesus
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"

B3ta email 446 - 17 Sep 2010

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue446/

CAKE: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
LIES: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: HOORAY! WE'VE SOLD SOME ADVERTISING!
We love the iPod Clinic!

Have you bust your iPod or iPhone so it's
sitting in your sock drawer doing nothing? Get
it fixed at a great price. And we won't give you
any condescending looks like those shits in the
Apple store either.
http://www.theipodclinic.co.uk/.

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
You like selling products. We like your money:
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA PEOPLE VS THE POPE
A commemorative cut out and keep selection

In celebration of the Pope visiting we
considered revisiting the old B3ta quiz format
with 'Papist or Child Rapist' but couldn't
actually be arsed so thank god then that the
B3tans have been doing almost nothing else this
week but making Pope-related mockery lols.

>> Looks like the Vatican sent a decoy... <<
Haywood Manley sends us exclusive footage that
shows that we're just being visited by another
of Benedict's nefarious Pope-bots. Reminiscent
of the creepy fortune teller from Big.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Looks_like_the_Vatican_sent_a_decoy

>> "The Pope's coming to my home town" <<
Rapper Dan Bull is readying himself for the
papal visit. "I've written him a welcome letter.
Can anyone think of some way I could actually
make sure he sees it? I have a vague plan
involving balloons."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Popes_coming_to_my_home_town

>> Pope's visit to Edinburgh <<
"I'm sure I've watched this scene somewhere
before," muses masakatsu. This *totally* should
have happened. It rocks.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Popes_visit_to_Edinburgh

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING
...that isn't about the Pope

>> Boyz N the Ring <<
"Gandalf brings Hip Hop back to Middle Earth!"
claims Leonards. Lovingly-assembled re-edit of
the Lord of the Rings, with added bling.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Boyz_N_the_Ring

>> How to feel like you are floating in space <<
Here's frox's 5 easy steps:
1) attach camera to balloon
2) send balloon in stratosphere
3) take a bunch of photos
4) assemble in 360° panorama
4a) (optional): take substances
5) look at panorama (use the link below)
6) panic that there's a big, black hole in the world!
http://francescobonomi.it/minihab/stratospera/pano_3/

>> The Labour leadership race effing ROCKS! <<
"Well not really," confesses Dan Bull. "But I
have tried my best to make it seem that way in
this strange musical guide." Here's info to
identify the Milliband twins, although you can
also tell them apart by turning them upside
down and examining the underside.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Labour_leadership_race_effing_ROCKS

-------------------------------------------------

: HELL YEAH MORE ADVERTISING!
Completely brilliant iPhone game

Meatstroke is the Adult Swim iPhone game that
combines meat, sunburn and bald clouds. We know
what you're thinking. FINALLY, somebody
developed that.
http://bit.ly/meatstroke

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
The Easiest Job In The World

Last week we asked for the easiest jobs you'd
ever done. Go and be jealous, and then just a
little sad at the sheer lack of ambition
exhibited here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/easyjob/

* "One fine Monday morning we turned up for work
to discover that the roof had collapsed over the
weekend. Unfortunately the ceiling was made of
asbestos tiles, so a specialist cleanup team had
to be called in. Our boss didn't like the idea
of strangers handling our delicate and expensive
equipment, so asked for volunteers to properly
disconnect it all, ready for decontamination.
Since this included wearing an awesome
spacesuit, I stepped forward. It was an odd
sensation, knowing that outside your little
bubble of safety, the familiar-looking office
was filled with invisible death. Frankly I would
have done it for shits and giggles, and was
expecting perhaps a pub lunch on the company.
Quite surprised to find a £300 bonus at the end
of the month, for about an hour spent breathing
like Darth Vader and going "beep" at the end of
every sentence..." (moon monkey)

* "I once got a job with a mail-order firm. On
my first day, a guy was appointed to show me the
ropes - he led me down into an area where all
the stock was on shelves, ready for picking,
pointed to one rack of shelves and said, "you
get up there." He then climbed up on to the top
of the rack on the other side, stretched out and
went to sleep. I quit on the third day, driven
crazy by the piped muzak but still having no
idea what I was supposed to do." (adognaduck)

* "I am a boner. My job title is literally
'boner.' I add the skeletal rigs to 3D
characters for animation - a process known as
boning. Ergo I am a boner. It's an easy enough
job. I boned a wizard last night." (Digeridude)

>> This Week's Question: Drugs <<
Had a problem with drugs? Accidentally got off
your tits on night nurse? Talk to us here. For
hours and hours and hours:
http://b3ta.com/questions/massivedrugs/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Why women hate men <<
A collection of toe-curlingly shit online dating
ads posted by men. Amusing, but titling it "why
women hate men" makes us meanly think "why some
women turn into spinsters - because they judge
all men by the behaviour of some."
http://whywomenhatemen.blogspot.com/

>> In Soviet Russia the games retro YOU <<
The problem with internet porn is you get bored
of the vanilla stuff and after a few years end
up as a fully-fledged pervert looking at stuff
that would make Gary Glitter wince. So it goes
with retro gaming, you start with a few
Spectrum emulators and end up with the hard
stuff - 80s Russian arcade machines:
http://snurl.com/redpixels

>> Celebrity feet <<
And speaking of internet perverts - why not
check out a whole wiki dedicated to photos of
celebrities' feet? We were briefly tempted to
troll it with photos of our favourite celebs
like Simon le Bon and William Shatner.
http://www.wikifeet.com/

>> Amazon makes mini joke <<
Lols all round here - first off the book is
about Mother Teresa and is called "The
Missionary Position", and secondly the price is
the Satanicly pleasing £6.66.
http://snurl.com/13ly6u

>> Tooth story <<
Doesn't sound that compelling does it? A story
about a tooth? But go on, read it, a charming
blog with loads of illustrations. You will be
entertained. Promise.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/09/party.html

>> Discrepancies of perception <<
Clever comic-strip illustrates the ways we're
often wrong about the world around us.
Particular favourite: the panels on feeling
unlucky.
http://www.viruscomix.com/page528.html

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like real life but with compression artefacts

>> Tourette's guy sings Erasure <<
All music is improved by having it sung Karaoke
style by a guy with Tourette's. Especially when
it's Erasure. We'd like to see this guy do
children's parties.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzOol-TBDBE

>> Compare / contrast phone adverting <<
Two mobile phone ads turned up this week with
opposite approaches. Samsung have made a
fantastic viral that's a joy to watch, featuring
a little girl dancing, but its connection with
the product is tenuous. Whereas Nokia have done
a simpler stop-motion, filmed by Aardman, but it
works as a product demo because it was actually
filmed on a phone. Which is better? There's only
one way to find out... fight!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD7eagLl5c4 (Nokia)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvyNe0IDNh4 (Samsung)

>> Google Instant being put to good use <<
Great idea for a cheapo video here. Stick the
lyrics to a listy song into the new funky
version of Google and use the power of video
editing to get the timing right. Would also work
for We Didn't Start The Fire and Hello by The
Beloved. All together now, "Zippy, Bungle and
Jeffery Archer."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Google_Instant_being_put_to_good_use

>> A terrifying climb <<
One would think that workers who scale the
heights of radio and TV broadcast towers would
use some kind of safety harness, as they ascend
to their worksite. One would be wrong. EDIT NOTE:
Perhaps not safe for lunch. BTW: If this link is
down google around, as it keeps disappearing due
to a copyright issue.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/A_terrifying_climb

>> Woman goes back to work after 30 years <<
Very short but what a great visual gag. Top
marks.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Woman_goes_back_to_work_after_30_years

>> I love my life as a dickhead <<
This link was everywhere last Friday and we
just missed sticking it in the newsletter by
minutes but here we are, a week later, telling
you about the micro trends of yester week.
Welcome to b3ta Gold.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_love_my_life_as_a_dickhead

-------------------------------------------------

: FOLLOW FRIDAY
Introducing that cool new product... Twitter!

There's been a long tradition of fake celeb
accounts for lols on Twitter - favourites
include @dianainheaven ("Just realised I've been
walking around all day with my left bollock
hanging out.") and @CherylKerl ("Yerz kna
listnin tuh Mawvin King's TUC speech haz made uz
reassess mei thorts on causes a wor bankin
crisis man pet an aall.")

Our new favourite is the shit Britpop-tastic
@reallybanderson and here are some of his recent
tweets:

* Bumped into Loz from Kingmaker today. Says they
are re-uniting and he has changed his name to
"Lolz", to appeal to "the kids". Tragic.

* All Bran and Coco Pops in one bowl? Brett
Anderson knows the score.

* My next 25 new followers will receive a genuine
piece of Richard Oakes' BMX bike as a prize.
He'll probably be fine about it.
http://twitter.com/reallybanderson

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Albums Challenge

Last week we wanted you to re-market classic
albums for a new demographic

Your favourites included:

* EMINEM - Slim Shady gets some new hair and a
dandy costume (Ninj)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10182109

* U2 - Bono's bunch drop the pomposity and usher
in a new era of knob gags and comedy moustaches
(Ninj)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10181625

* JOY - classic album art given a refreshing,
pneumatic twist (monkeon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10183885

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/marketingalbums/

>> New challenge: Retro Sci-Fi II <<
Back in September 2008, a classic B3ta compo
emerged: make sci-fi retro. In true
science-fiction style, it's high time for a
sequel, so open up photoshop, and show us more
(new) examples of the fantastical future,
yesterday. Challenge suggested by The Great
Architect.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/scifisequel/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* KUNTANDTHEGANG MAKE A MUSICAL - nothing if not
ambitious is the young Kunt and he's bashed
together a full cast recording of Shannon
Matthews: The Musical. Pre-order your CD now.
http://www.kuntandthegang.co.uk

* PENIS TONE FM - Bryo writes, "just had a quick
listen to the sound of genitalia and it is a
really good radio station! In the afternoon has
pretty much the same playlist as BBC 6music and
bonus of broad Yorkshire accents from the DJs
and adverts. Thanks B3TA!"
http://www.penistonefm.co.uk/

* BATTERY MOANS - many of your wrote in with
sympathy about our battery problems. Lots of
recommendations for USB Rechargables - who we
have mentioned before: they stuck us on a press
release list and we got emailed every time they
farted. Also ajbeaumont, who writes, "HEY
HOMOS. Batteries are so last century. A bit of
wood, some wires and hey presto - Apple's magic
mouse running on USB. Love you, bye!!!!"
http://snurl.com/usbtrackpad

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* E-FIT-ALIKES - marko_b_1 asks, "Can you
suggest in the things we'd like to see section a
website that shows police e-fits and an actual
picture of the criminal once they are caught
please? I think this would be awesome but I'm a
spaz and can't make it myself."

* AN iPHONE APP FOR READING THE B3TA QUESTION OF
THE WEEK - there's gold in those archives and we
reckon they'd make perfect phone reading.

* AN OFF BUTTON FOR FACEBOOK PLACES - oh there
probably is one but we couldn't find it easily,
it's like Facebook want us to use this shit or
something.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

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-------------------------------------------------

THANKINGS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Lu Hitchin, Tab
Hunter, mousemonkey, Griffy Savalas, ttdi,
Terry Mynott, Mrs. Sp@m, PokeHQ,
jemimah_knight, Peter (Lowe!) / pgl (sorry for
not crediting you last week). subjlols via
Griffy Savalas. Top Tippery by A Vagabond.
Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.

-------------------------------------------------

: TOP TIP:
Enjoy the benefits of date rape without the
concern about prosecution, by simply spiking
your own drink and having a wank.