Vol 636 - Oct. 24, 2007 - You Know You're In A Redneck Church......

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Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see it shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded. - Tim Allen

Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code.....he turned himself in. - Rita Rudner

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. - George Carlin

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked... - Bill Cosby

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms." - Elayne Boosler

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - You Know You're In A Redneck Church......

You Know You're Church Is A Redneck Church...

IF the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

IF people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

WHEN the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,"
five guys and two women stand up.

IF opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

IF a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

IF the choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

WHEN in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

IF Baptism is referred to as "branding".

IF high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

IF people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

IF the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.

IF the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

IF the collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

IF instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.

IF the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

IF the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Strawberry Hill".

IF "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.

IF the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear"

Submitted by Pasadena Phil

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