Vol 876 - Feb. 10, 2010 - Strange Foreign Mistranslations into English

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

Time for something NEW - we never disappoint!

Trapped at the office waiting for happy hour can be a snoozefest. No more. The Toilet Paper is daily email newsletter delivers the most shocking quotes, stats, facts, and lists about one noteworthy news topic each day. Laser sharp, bust out funny, and not afraid to cross the line. Sign up to make this happy hour part of your routine.

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------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "I'm Not Very Bright" Quotes

I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. - Marshall McLuhan

I never know how much of what I say is true. - Bette Midler

I have nothing intelligent to say. - Meg Tilly, when approached by a TV reporter asking questions on her way into the 1997 Oscar ceremonies.

I am not denying anything I did not say. -Brian Mulrooney

I really didn't say everything I said. - Yogi Berra

I'm a meathead. I can't help it, man. You've got smart people and you've got dumb people. - Keanu Reeves

My movies were the kind they show in prisons and airplanes, because nobody can leave. -Burt Reynolds

I'm no actor, and I have sixty-four pictures to prove it. - Victor Mature

Of all the things I've ever lost I miss my mind the most. - Steven Tyler

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Foreign Mistranslations into English

Here are some interesting mistranslations:

In a Belgrade elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

A doctor's office in Rome:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here & spend the afternoon having a good time.

On a menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beer soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

A Finnish hotel's instructions in case of fire:
If you are unable to leave your room, expose yourself in the window.

Ad for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride your own ass?

In a Czech tourist agency:
Take one of our horse driven tours---we guarantee no miscarriages.

Car rental brochure in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

A temple in Bangkok:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed like a man.

In a Bangkok cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a hotel in Yugoslavia:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE ACOUSTIC 'EARS' - BEFORE RADAR - LISTENING POSTS - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/159800.html

STRANGE PICTURES - YOUNG AND THEN ALL GROWN UP! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/160006.html

OLDE BATTLECREEK MICHIGAN - 1913 - MAIN ST & JEFFERSON - STREETCARS - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/160073.html

WORLD'S WORST SPORTS UNIFORMS / KITS - PINK????????????? - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/160211.html

STRANGE OLDE POST CARDS CIRCA 1904 - ARAB MARKETPALCE - BISKRA, ALGERIA - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/160256.html

USAF F-104 - STARFIGHTERS - A PAIR - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/160305.html

CARS YOU WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN - 1951 BUICK LaSABRE - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/160362.html

AMAZING COLLECTION OF OLDE PICTURES - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/160403.html

ASTON MARTIN LAGONDA - THE OF THE UGLIEST CAR EVER BUILT! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/160427.html

OLDE MOTORCYCLE GALS WITH SIDE CAR - AT THE BEACH! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/160429.html

STRANGE OLDE PICTURES - MANGERY PULLING WAGON - BEAR - LION & SHEEP! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/160433.html

STRANGE LITTLE TEENY TINY KITTEN! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/160434.html

FARM SNOW FUN - TRACTOR SLEDDING! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/160435.html

STRANGE 911 POLICEWOMAN STILETTO HIGH HEELS - HIGH STREET PATROL - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/160439.html

BLONDE DOG SLEDDER - CONFUSED! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/160443.html

1910 NEW YORK TRIBUNE NEWSPAPER PREDICT WHAT TYPICAL AMERICAN WILL LOOK LIKE IN THE FUTURE. - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/160446.html

STRANGE STUNTS - JUMPING ROPE 75 STORIES UP - SKYSCRAPER CRAZINESS - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/160448.html

STRANGE ANIMAL X-RAYS - RUBBER DUCK ! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/160450.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SF - F - FARM WEATHER - WIND - STORMS - SNOW - TORNADOES - FLOODS - DROUGHT

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/100749_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Things To Do When You're Totally Bored - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/102725.html

100 Fun Ways To Order Pizza - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/102837.html

Top 10 Strange Actual Happenings - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/102509.html

67 Really Bad Lines Written in Novels - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/102510.html

70 Light Bulb Jokes - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/102520.html

The 50 Weirdest Guinness World Records - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/102332.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SF - F - FARM WEATHER - WIND - STORMS - SNOW - TORNADOES - FLOODS - DROUGHT

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/110_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

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Trapped at the office waiting for happy hour can be a snoozefest. No more. The Toilet Paper is daily email newsletter delivers the most shocking quotes, stats, facts, and lists about one noteworthy news topic each day. Laser sharp, bust out funny, and not afraid to cross the line. Sign up to make this happy hour part of your routine.

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Vol 875 - Feb. 07, 2010 - 15 Strange New Uses For VODKA!

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

Time for something NEW - we never disappoint!

Trapped at the office waiting for happy hour can be a snoozefest. No more. The Toilet Paper is daily email newsletter delivers the most shocking quotes, stats, facts, and lists about one noteworthy news topic each day. Laser sharp, bust out funny, and not afraid to cross the line. Sign up to make this happy hour part of your routine.

IT'S STRANGE! CHECK IT OUT - CLICK ON THIS LINK!
http://www.thetoiletpaper.com/?ref=30215

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Insults:

Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.

Did you eat paint chips when you were a kid?

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?

She has a nice butter face. Everything looks nice, but her face.

She thinks the rear view mirror is for putting on make-up.

Do you want do die stupid?

Do you want me to accept you as you are or do you want me to like you?

Doesn't know the meaning of the word fear, but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words.

Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - 15 Strange New Uses For VODKA!

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves adhesive.

2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.

3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.

4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.

5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.

6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.

7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.

8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them.

9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziploc freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, refreshable ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes.

10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains.

11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.

12. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.

13 Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.

14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin.

15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.

And silly me. I've only been drinking the stuff!!!

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE DIVORCE CAKES - THIS MARRIAGE IS DEAD - CASKET - GRAVEYARD - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/159583.html

STRANGE HUMMINGBIRD HAWK MOTH - 1 - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/159836.html

STRANGE CUSTOM CAR FURNITURE - 1958 CORVETTE COCKTAIL TABLE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/160200.html

WORLD'S WORST SPORTS UNIFORMS / KITS - JOHN DALY - CLOWN PANTS - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/160214.html

STRANGE OLDE ANIMAL PICTURES - GIRAFFE PLAYING BASKETBALL - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/160247.html

AMAZING SWISS AQUACAR - RINSPEED! - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/160275.html

NORTHROP YF-23 DFRC - LOST OUT TO THE F-22 RAPTOR - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/160310.html

CARS YOU WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN - 1951 CHRYSLER K310 - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/160361.html

SAVAGE BEAUTY - AMAZING ANIMAL PICTURES - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/160391.html

FISHING DANGER ON A LAKE - HUGE AIRTANKER SCOOPS WATER FOR FIRE DROP - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/160392.html

STRANGE MURDER PROBLEM - MIDGET WRESTLERS DEAD - http://www.strangecollege.com/content/item/160393.html

STRANGE CONAN O'BRIAN PICTURE MADE FROM CHEETO'S! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/160394.html

AMAZING OLDE EUROPEAN SPORTS CAR - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/160425.html

STRANGE LONG LONG PICTURE - 360 SORT OF - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/160426.html

OCEAN DANGERS - SHIP "FLIES" THROUGH THE WAVES! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/160430.html

STRANGE FIREBOAT - EVERY NOZZLE SPRAYING! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/160431.html

B-29 AND P-38 MUSTANG COLLIDE ON AIRFIELD - FIRE - - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/160432.html

EXTREME KIDS SPORTS - SKATEBOARD DROP - STRAIGHT DOWN - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/160452.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - FOREIGN CARS - ITALIAN - GERMAN - FRENCH - EUROPEAN

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100662_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange and Unusual Collections - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/160173.html

Strange English For Tourists - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/103452.html

Computer Acronyms - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/102722.html

Strange Statistics - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/103174.html

Housekeeping Tips - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/102845.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SV - FOREIGN CARS - ITALIAN - GERMAN - FRENCH - EUROPEAN

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/125_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

Time for something NEW! - We never disappoint!

Trapped at the office waiting for happy hour can be a snoozefest. No more. The Toilet Paper is daily email newsletter delivers the most shocking quotes, stats, facts, and lists about one noteworthy news topic each day. Laser sharp, bust out funny, and not afraid to cross the line. Sign up to make this happy hour part of your routine.

IT'S STRANGE! CHECK IT OUT - CLICK ON THIS LINK!
http://www.thetoiletpaper.com/?ref=30215

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "Crashing into your inbox like a faulty Toyota"

 

This Week:
* PRINTY - Royal Semi-Nude Calendar
* CELEBS - with shorter legs!
* REVIEWS - Crap apps!

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're taxing the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... heavily"

B3ta email 414 - 05 FEB 2010

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue414/

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Apple Magic Mouse

Seeing as we're shit at selling ads then let's
link to the last product we bought on Amazon -
the lovely Apple Magic Mouse. Yeah yeah, you
might think all Apple products are for tossers
but give this a go - the whole top area is
touch-sensitive and works for scrolling. In
practise, this works beautifully and means
there's no scroll-wheel to get clogged up with
horrid gunk. Pricey mind you, but we're so
rich from ad-sales we don't care.
http://snurl.com/ua3zr

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1
Calendar, Sheep and Paul McKenna

>> 2010 Royal Semi-Nude Calendar <<
Your favourite aristocrats relaxing in all
their horse-faced, big-eared glory as nature
intended, thanks to some skilled Photoshop work
from Grampa. Somebody really needs to put this
into production - it'd be awesome up in the
office.
http://snurl.com/hrhnudey

>> The best of Sheep! <<
A feast of camera trickery from b3ta stalwart
Sheep! "Some of these should be familiar to
long time b3ta fans - a compilation of my old
and not so old GIF anims."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/GIF_Anim_Compilation

>> Masturbation with Paul McKenna <<
Chopshop and TV mind-rapi-- er, hypnotist
McKenna help you deal with difficult cravings.
Bonus points if you can knock one out while
watching this.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Masturbation_with_Paul_Mckenna

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
The soundtrack to your lives

Last week we asked for the music that have
accompanied moments of joy, tedium or tragedy:
http://b3ta.com/questions/soundtrack/

Here's three that aren't about orgasms:

* DEAD CAN DANCE - "I work in the film industry.
My friend, John, does animatronics. You know,
the radio-controlled mechanical puppets they
used to use for doing monsters before CGI came
along and replaced them all (sorry John!). A
marathon drinking session resulted in the
following agreement, sealed by drunken handshake.
If I die before I'm 35 John will rig me up so
that at my funeral I will sit up straight out
of my coffin and perform the dance moves to the
opening bars of Thriller before disappearing out
of sight behind the curtain."
(pixel_fucker)

* JEFFERSON AIRPLANE - "I flew to Germany a
couple of years ago and as we came in for the
final approach, wings dipped low over the Dresden
skyline, my iPod decided, from the 5,560 tracks
available, to launch into a stirring rendition of
the Dam Busters Theme. If I'd had speakers I
would have broadcast it to the entire plane."
(Albert Marshmallow)

* BIG COUNTRY - "I always thing of Dolly Parton's
Jolene just before exams, and it always makes me
smile and relax. Why? Because of the immortal
answer one of my classmates gave on his mock-A2
Music Tech Paper: Q: Describe why this style of
music is known as "Country" A: Because that woman
sounds like a goat."
(Sivvus)

>> This Week's Question: Celebs I Hate <<
We know you pretend to not care about celebrities
and all that stuff, but we also know you have a
secret and detailed list of the ones that you hate:
http://b3ta.com/questions/famebacklash/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Celebrities with short legs <<
Inexplicably pleasing gallery of long-legged
celebrities and supermodels, photoshopped to
make them look dumpy. Or, well, dwarfy.
http://snurl.com/goshortie

>> 'God hates fags' tries San Francisco <<
Religious extremists attempt an anti-gay
demonstration in Frisco. They are literally
hidden from sight by the descending crowd of
pranksters, eager to try out their own
home-made gag signs.
http://snurl.com/godhatesflags

>> Awesome MS Paint CV <<
Computer graphics expert renders his entire
online resume in MS Paint. Ballsy move but, hey,
it's memorable.
http://www.squicky.org/

>> Fugpaint <<
FugPaint is a malevolent painting program, with
built-in misbehaviour guaranteed to foil your
every attempt at drawing a picture. Much like
GIMP then! Sorry, did we really say that?
http://www.benfry.com/fugpaint/

>> The talking sex-bot <<
Inventor unveils $7,000 interactive sex doll,
the world's most sophisticated masturbation
aid. Pity, then, that it looks like Catherine
Tate with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. "Look at my
face, is my face bovvered? Face? Bovvered?"
Marked NSFW in case you work with a Dalek and
it starts shooting white wee wee.
http://www.cnn.com/2010/TECH/02/01/sex.robot/index.html

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Now available on your iPad Nano

>> Live webcast fail <<
Unfortunate nerds trying a live webcast
unwittingly open a portal to hell.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Live_Webcast_Fail

>> Labyrinth Zone with lyrics <<
Singalonga Sonic the Hedgehog, in this
soundtrack to the game's much-hated underwater
level. Great ending.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Labyrinth_Zone_with_Lyrics

>> Amazing Aliens rap <<
From the same guy who did the Predator Rap
comes this extraordinarily comprehensive
lyrical trip through the second Alien film.
Lots of neatly-inserted lines from the movie.
BTW: back in the day we had the Aliens
soundtrack on the iPod, to make walking back
home from the pub extra-scary.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Amazing_Aliens_Rap

>> The Dog that smiles <<
Amazingly, whenever she's happy this dog pulls
a facial expression that can be interpreted as
a smile. Although it's not as cute the face she
pulls when feeling a turbulent cocktail of
melancholy, rage and catholic guilt.
http://snurl.com/grinningdog

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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
It's not funny la la la

* RAPE ISN'T FUNNY - and certainly even less
funny when the rapist has a name that perfectly
describes his weapon of choice. (via Dan dan
dan)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/bradford/8495749.stm

* AUSTRALIAN COCK-TITS - Sir Isaac "Isaac"
Mangang writes, "It may not be a corporate
logo, but in the B3TA spirit of things, I
happened to capture Australian Channel 9
newsbot Kellie Connolly recently, proudly
displaying what can only be described as a big
cock on her chest (complete with "clever"
cleavage japseye):
http://snurl.com/cocktop

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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the iPad Challenge

Last week we wanted you to mock the iPad

Your favourites included:

* STICKY - a side-by-side comparison
between the iPad and its closet
competitor, a small blob of blu-tak
(Bad Horsey)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9891074

* TOY - the iPad's inspiration may come
as something of a surprise (mofaha)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9890746

* REALITY - the true value of the iPad
revealed through the majesty of
animated gif (RarelyEvil)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9895197

All these images, and the highest as
voted by you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/ipad/

>> New challenge: Save ITV <<
With ad revenue in the toilet, dwindling
ratings, regional news to be abolished
after the election, and Adam Crozier as
boss, what can possibly save the nation's
favourite lowest-common-denominator
broadcaster? Challenge suggested by Joe
Scaramanga
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/itv/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2
Lots and lots and lots of stuff

>> Ashen's Tech Dump: Retro Games <<
Deadpan tech critic Dr Ashen turns his scathing
glance upon "the Department for Trade and
Industry's Fun Pack 1986 - a collection of
three classic games which were no fun, no good
and not real." Props to Ashen for getting the
Beeb to pay for this.
http://snurl.com/techdump

>> How to Help Social Network Addicts <<
"This is the latest in a series of animations
I've made," explains Splicker. Nicely graphic
guide to weaning yourself off of the Facebooks.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_to_Help_Social_Network_Addicts

>> Egg-timer entertainment <<
"I thought you guys might like this project of
ours: an egg-timer that finds a YouTube video
to match your boiling time," explains Will.
It's currently showing us a tornado while lunch
is cooking - awesome!
http://www.eggwatchers.com

>> Crap + Apps = Crapps <<
"I've made made this site to highlight the crap
apps that people have been making to try and
get rich off the back of the iphone bandwagon,"
explains Harry Fridge. Contribute crap app
reviews of your own or just enjoy the snarky
quality of the writing.
http://crapps.co.uk

>> Fuggy Fuggy <<
Clever little animation, as the McLeod
Brothers' hapless ninja must use his reasoning
skills to defeat a horde of spear-wielding
scarlet ogres.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BB_4GKChlj8

>> Home-made music <<
"I think it's time we did away with fancy
'guitars', 'keyboards' and 'drums' and instead
turned our attention to the mundane, everyday
objects like that pen on the side with its end
chewed off, or that slightly mouldy 50p coin
rattling over there," yells Mazza558, as he
storms the barricades. "If you rig up your
microphone to pick up any sound and manipulate
it live, y'can do all sorts of slightly
psychedelic things. Observe:"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcr739hQ9Rg

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
Game using just the scroll wheel

We once had an idea about making a game with a
scroll wheel - you'd rub it and it would
simulate female masturbation. We even tried to
pitch it once but there were no buyers for that
one. Anyway - here's a much more tasteful take
on that up-and-down rolling motion.
http://www.recordtripping.com/

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* RSS DOPPLEGANGER - mellamaphone asks, "I
subscribe to a lot of RSS feeds for a wide
variety of sites. It'd be great if someone made
a database-type thing where you enter a list of
your feeds, then it tells you how many people
subscribe to the same combination of sites. I
don't know why, but the idea fascinates me."

* CANCER - Nevillebartos asks, "I'm sat in a
Harley Street cancer centre getting pumped full
of chemo whilst reading this week's newsletter
to get over my bollock cancer. That has got to
rank up there as a pretty hardcore reading
experience. Are other b3tans able to top that?"

* THE WANKLET - Millwallant asks, "A blanket
with sleeves and a hole cut in it for your
penis for those late night sofa masturbation
sessions. To be honest, I may just cut a hole
in the wife's slanket so I can get a mention in
next week's issue too!"

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: THANKS:

This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by spiritleader,
BrianGilmore, escherspencil Griffy Savalas,
sinisterduck, The_Fiend, redazril, Darklord,
WiggZ and Jimbotfu. Top Tippery by thyrf.
Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subjlols via The Great Architect.

-------------------------------------------------

: TOP TIP:
Motion your head in a circular fashion to see
the contents of the microwave as it's going
round.

-------------------------------------------------

: SICKIPEDIA:
I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to hear my
latest rape joke. She said no, but I just went
ahead and told her anyway.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 874 - Feb. 03, 2010 - 19 Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

Time for something NEW - we never disappoint!

Trapped at the office waiting for happy hour can be a snoozefest. No more. The Toilet Paper is daily email newsletter delivers the most shocking quotes, stats, facts, and lists about one noteworthy news topic each day. Laser sharp, bust out funny, and not afraid to cross the line. Sign up to make this happy hour part of your routine.

IT'S STRANGE! CHECK IT OUT - CLICK ON THIS LINK!
http://www.thetoiletpaper.com/?ref=30215

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "Money" Quotes:

"Early to bed and early to rise -- till you get enough money to do otherwise." - Peter's Almanac

"God is on everyone's side … and in the last analysis, he is on the side with plenty of money and large armies. - Jean Anouilh (1910-87), French playwright

University President: "Why is it that you physicists always require so much expensive equipment? Now the Department of Mathematics requires nothing but money for paper, pencils, and erasers...and the Department of Philosophy is better still. It doesn't even ask for erasers."- Isaac Asimov (1920-92), Russian-born American scientist, writer

"The only reason to have money is to tell any SOB in the world to go to hell." - Humphrey Bogart, American actor

"The surest way to get rid of a bore is to lend money to him." - Paul Louis Courier

"Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends." - Larry Wilde

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - 19 Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

19. Your friends love you anyway.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE ACOUSTIC 'EARS' - BEFORE RADAR - LISTENING POSTS - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/159794.html

STRANGE CROSS DURING MOTOR FIRE DEMO - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/159822.html

STRANGE RIOT POLICE VEHICLES - ARMORED W/ WATER CANNON - EXTERIOR FLUSH FOR FIRE BOMBS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/159974.html

WORLD'S WORST SPORTS UNIFORMS / KITS - CLOWN COLORS SOCCER - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/160205.html

QATAR DRAG RACING MACHINES! 4 RED ROCKETS - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/160277.html

STRANGE DRAGSTERS AND FUNNYCARS! - US ARMY FLAMES FLY - NIGHT RUN - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/160300.html

STRANGE 30 YEAR PRICE INFLATION CHART - 1969 vs 2009 - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/160358.html

CARS YOU WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN - HARLEY EARLE - TOP GM AUTO DESIGNER - 1938 BUICK - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/160360.html

AMAZING BUILDING PAINTED MURAL - HISTORY! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/160368.html

STRANGE RARE PICTURES - A WHOLE LONG LIST! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/160369.html

STRANGE YETI OUTFIT - ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN OUTFIT IS HUGE - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/160370.html

STRANGE OLDE WWI GROUP PICTURE - GERMAN SOLDIERS IN THE WOODS - HUNDREDS! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/160371.html

STRANGE ALBUM & CD COVERS - GUITAR NECK PILE - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/160374.html

STRANGE NEWS - WHEN THE TV NEWS PICTURE DOESN'T MATCH THE SCRIPT! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/160379.html

VIETNAM WAR - SAIGON - LOCAL GAL LOOKING FOR DIRECTIONS? - LOVE YOU ALL NIGHT! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/160380.html

DUCK YOUR HEAD! - LOW PLANE LANDING ON ST MARTIN AIRPORT - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/160381.html

AMAZING HOUSE WITH GREAT 360 DEGREE VIEW - WOW! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/160382.html

STRANGE SCARY S.W.A.T. HELMET AND MASK - SKULL - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/160383.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - MILITARY HEAVY EQUIPMENT - TANKS - WARSHIPS - GUNS - SUBMARINES

http://www.strangedangers.com/content/category/100237_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Facts about the Beatles - http://www.strangeblondes.com/content/item/160172.html

10 Strange Beer Facts - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/160359.html

Top 10 Cars for Traffic Tickets - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/147170.html

Strange Memory Test - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/147689.html

12 of The Strangest & Most Ridiculous Lawsuits - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/148815.html

Top Ten Strangest Phobias........ - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/154331.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - MILITARY HEAVY EQUIPMENT - TANKS - WARSHIPS - GUNS - SUBMARINES

http://www.strangedangers.com/content/category/111_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

Time for something NEW! - We never disappoint!

Trapped at the office waiting for happy hour can be a snoozefest. No more. The Toilet Paper is daily email newsletter delivers the most shocking quotes, stats, facts, and lists about one noteworthy news topic each day. Laser sharp, bust out funny, and not afraid to cross the line. Sign up to make this happy hour part of your routine.

IT'S STRANGE! CHECK IT OUT - CLICK ON THIS LINK!
http://www.thetoiletpaper.com/?ref=30215

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 873 - Jan. 31, 2010 - Funny Things Said by Police

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

Time for something NEW - we never disappoint!

Trapped at the office waiting for happy hour can be a snoozefest. No more. The Toilet Paper is daily email newsletter delivers the most shocking quotes, stats, facts, and lists about one noteworthy news topic each day. Laser sharp, bust out funny, and not afraid to cross the line. Sign up to make this happy hour part of your routine.

IT'S STRANGE! CHECK IT OUT - CLICK ON THIS LINK!
http://www.thetoiletpaper.com/?ref=30215

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes About Retirement:

I will not retire while I've still got my legs and my make-up box. - Bette Davis quotes (American actress, 1908-1989)

I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy - Danny McGoorty Irish Pool Player

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. - George Burns

When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez quotes (Puerto Rican golfer, b.1935)

Nothing is more usual than the sight of old people who yearn for retirement: and nothing is so rare than those who have retired and do not regret it - Charles de Saint-Evremond

When you retire, think and act as if you were still working; when you're still working, think and act a bit as if you were already retired. - Anonymous quotes

Sooner or later I'm going to die, but I'm not going to retire. - Margaret Mead

There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working. - Robert Half

Preparation for old age should begin not later than one's teens. A life which is empty of purpose until 65 will not suddenly become filled on retirement. - Dwight Moody quotes (American evangelist 1839-1899)

The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income. - George Foreman

Retirement: When you quit working just before your heart does - Anonymous

Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can't retire his experience. He must use it. Experience achieves more with less energy and time. -Bernard M. Baruch quotes (American president, financier and adviser to US presidents, 1870-1965)

Musicians don't retire; they stop when there's no more music in them. - Louis Armstrong (American leading trumpeter, 1901-1971)

There is an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job. - Peter F. Drucker

Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. - Jonathan Clements

Men seek out retreats for themselves in the country, by the seaside, on the mountains... But all this is unphilosophical to the last degree... when thou canst at a moment's notice retire into thyself. -Marcus Aelius Aurelius

The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender. - Vince Lombardi

Preparation for old age should begin not later than one's teens. A life which is empty of purpose until 65 will not suddenly become filled on RETIREMENT. - Arthur E. Morgan

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Funny Things Said by Police

Funny Things Said by Police

1. I'm sorry Ma'am, but with the unlicensed gun in your purse plus the DWI, you ARE a real criminal.

2. Hey John, get out of the cruiser and come over here to say "Thank You." We stopped the guy who pays OUR salary!

3. Yeah, I do have bank robbers to catch, but that might be dangerous, so I'm going to play it safe and write you this ticket.

4. Hurry it up? Sure, I'll just go back to the cruiser and write the citation. Do you have food and water in the car? This shouldn't take more than six hours.

5. Do you know why I stopped you, or do you THINK like you Drive?

6. What do you mean I won't believe you? Just because you've got three kilos of smack and two bodies in the trunk doesn't mean there isn't a perfectly reasonable explanation.

7. No, you've got that WRONG. I'm even TOUGHER without the badge and gun.

8. Of course you didn't DO it. You just happened to start your wind sprints in front of the department store, the VCR is extra weight, and the security guards were providing MOTIVATION.

9. She STARTED it? That's the best you can do? My four-year-old does better than that when I ask why his sister is crying.

10. HAVE A NICE DAY.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE DIVORCE CAKES - OUT WITH THE GARBAGE! - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/159581.html

STRANGE OLDE PIX - FEMALE TRAFFIC COP - NOTE GUN ON HER HIP - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/159723.html

CUTE - CUDDLY - FUZZY ANIMALS - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/160005.html

WWII - B-17 BOMBER - 'EAGER BEAVER' - COOL NOSE ART - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/160084.html

THE CONSTRUCTION OF THE BURJ SKYSCRAPER DUBAI - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/160099.html

HOT ESPN SPORTS REPORTERS - ERIN ANDREWS - SEXY EVENING GOWN! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/160124.html

SOUTH AFRICAN AIR FORCE PILOT ACCIDENTALLY EJECTS FROM PILATUS PC-7 Mk II - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/160158.html

STRANGE VAPOR TRAIL EFFECT OF MASSIVE WIND TURBINES! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/160164.html

WORLD'S BIGGEST SNAKES & LADDERS GAME - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/160168.html

HUMOR IN THE NFL - TEXANS/JAGUARS GAME SALUTE TIGER! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/158666.html

STRANGE CUSTOM CAR FURNITURE - MOTORCYCLE CHAIR WITH BLACK LEATHER SIDE BAG - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/160198.html

WORLD'S WORST SPORTS UNIFORMS / KITS - PINK RUGBY WITH CHICK ON CHEST! - HOW EMBARRASSING! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/160223.html

FARM BRIDE BAGS WEDDING TURKEY FOR RECEPTION! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/160239.html

2 STRANGE APES IN A ZOO - TWO THINKERS! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/160244.html

STRANGE OLDE ASIAN POST CARDS CIRCA 1904 - GEISHA RICKSHAW - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/160254.html

STRANGE BLONDE PLAYING STRANGE INSTRUMENT WITH A AUTO WINDSHIELD WIPER - IT'S HUGE! - http://www.strangeblondes.com/content/item/160260.html

STRANGE PICTURE IN A PICTURE PICTURE - BOY AND HORSE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/160265.html

UNDERCOVER BLONDE COP FRISKS SUSPECT - WAY UNDERCOVER! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/160272.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SS - SPORTS NEWS ANCHORS & REPORTERS - ESPN - HOT

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/101155_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

The Difference Between The North and South CLEARLY Explained! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/159453.html

Strange facts about Barbie Dolls - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/160169.html

Strange Inventions - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/160170.html

Strange and Disturbing Facts - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/160171.html

Creative Puns For Educated Minds - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/159220.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SS - SPORTS NEWS ANCHORS & REPORTERS - ESPN - HOT

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/111_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

Time for something NEW! - We never disappoint!

Trapped at the office waiting for happy hour can be a snoozefest. No more. The Toilet Paper is daily email newsletter delivers the most shocking quotes, stats, facts, and lists about one noteworthy news topic each day. Laser sharp, bust out funny, and not afraid to cross the line. Sign up to make this happy hour part of your routine.

IT'S STRANGE! CHECK IT OUT - CLICK ON THIS LINK!
http://www.thetoiletpaper.com/?ref=30215

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "Hey you, the Rock Steady Crew, show 'em what to do, have a wank, do a poo"

 

This Week:
* PAIN - Musical Spock
* HORROR - The Thing UK
* WINDOWS - 3.1 in javascript

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving Robinsons
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | bottle tops to get
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| racist badges"

B3ta email 413 - 29 Jan 2010

Second copy available free:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue413/

iPod Touch: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Big iPod Touch: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
10 Words, C4, Spock, Tron and the Thing

>> 10 Word Wiki <<
It's like Wikipedia but just the 10 words.
Great concept.
http://www.tenwordwiki.wikispot.org


>> Channel 4 News Remix <<
News theme gets the full drum and bass
treatment. This is what Jon Snow listens to on
his iPod when he goes out happy slapping. Kudos
to speedy and netgem21.
http://b3ta.com/links/Channel_4_News_Remix_by_netgem21_speedy

>> Spock PAAAIIIINNNN <<
Shatner's your go-to guy when it comes to
over-acting, poor Leonard Nimoy is unfairly
overlooked. To redress the balance here's
Jayenkai's musical remix of some prime Spocky
ham.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/PAAAIIIINNNN

>> A Very British Thing <<
A one-minute remake of the 1982 John Carpenter
masterpiece The Thing. "In my (weak) defence,
it's intentionally cheap and silly-looking,
apologises sir_spicious2000. We demand more
space-horror films be set in Surrey.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/A_Very_British_Thing

-------------------------------------------------

: Weebl does X Factor

Jonti takes his characters Weebl, Bob and
Insanity Prawn Boy onto a TV talent show as
judges, where they meet some oddly familiar
contestants. More advertising work for Jonti in
what appears to be his now-annual gig working
with Cadbury's Creme Eggs. Hopefully they don't
pay him with delicious chocolate money.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/Goo+Got+Talent+1/

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Real-life Slapstick

Last week we asked about your hilarious bumps,
thumps and prat-falls:
http://b3ta.com/questions/slapstick/

* CAT BURGLAR - "A police friend of my Dad's is
sent out to investigate some suspicious
activity in the Oxford area where he finds a
house with a ladder against it, leading to an
ajar bedroom window. Clearly a bit suspicious,
so he climbs the old and rickety ladder to
investigate. As he reaches the top he briefly
glimpses a cat sitting on the bed giving him a
quizzical look. I say 'briefly' because a
second later there is a loud 'CRACK' and the
rung snaps cleanly through the middle. He
plummets rapidly, each rung snapping cleanly as
he hits them, like a Looney Tunes cartoon. He
hits the floor and rolls away groaning, his
hands now 20% splinters. A car pulls up and the
driver runs over. "What are you doing in my
garden?" "Checking your house. There was a
ladder going up to a window and someone
reported it as suspicious!" "Oh no mate, that's
just so my cat can get in" "Aren't you worried
about getting burgled?" "Nah," says the guy.
"I've sawed half-way through each rung"
(stubbledchin)

* ROUTEMASTER - "Friday evening, Oxford St.
I've just left work after a couple of cheeky
beers, and I spot a 73, in all its old
Routemaster glory, waiting at the lights. So I
run for it. And it starts moving off. So I run
a bit faster. By now I have an audience - some
girls looking out the back window from the top
deck are cheering me on. So naturally efforts
are redoubled. The bus is moving quite quickly
now, and I don't know if I'll make it... But
I'm there! With a gazelle-like spring, I'm on!
Nice'n'safe, one foot on the platform, both
hands around the pole. Phew. And the strap on
the record-bag style, erm, bag, slung over my
shoulder, decides to snap. And with that sudden
jerk, my feet slip off the platform, my hands
slide down the pole and my body ends up
stretched out on the road, being dragged up
London's busiest - but not, take it from me,
smoothest - street. The bus is gathering speed,
I'm fishtailing behind it not daring let go 'cos
I have no idea what's coming behind me. After a
good 150m I manage to check behind me, see the
road is clear and let go, skidding and rolling
to a stop. I'm not exaggerating, but this
brought Oxford St to a standstill. People just
stopped and stared open mouthed. I got up,
brushed myself off and walked about 50 yards
back to where a woman was standing, holding the
remains of my bag." (FridgeBadger)

* BOLLARDIER - "I once tried to impress a load
of firemen who were stopped at a red light in
their fire truck by leapfrogging over a
bollard. Gave it a good go but forgot I had a
skirt on. Cue bollard swinging straight towards
my face. I was stuck, by my skirt, upside-down
with my face at the bottom of a fucking
bollard. one of the firemen kindly got out of
his truck and un-hooked me." (nettestar)

>> This Week's Question: Music <<
We'd like the soundtrack to your lives - what
music has accompanied the great events of your
life, or just what do you like to do a poo to?
Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/soundtrack/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Windows 3.1 in JavaScript <<
Geeks rejoice! Finally the wonders of an early
90s version of Windows have come to javascript.
Best enjoyed listening to Guru Josh - not the
modern remix but the funnier, earlier one with
the vocal "1990s, time for Guru!"
http://www.michaelv.org.nyud.net/

>> Cats on Page 3 <<
Readers of The Sun know all about Page 3 -
photos of nudey ladies with right-wing points
of view. Imagine if you took these quotes and
replaced the breasty lovelies with cats? Could
you still wank to it?
http://www.thekittenchannel.com/catnews.php

>> Unhappy hipsters <<
Dull photos of vaguely trendy-looking people
with extremely depressing captions. This is the
work of a misanthropist.
http://is.gd/7daIX

>> David Cameron Facts <<
Remember Chuck Norris facts? "Outer space
exists because it's afraid to be on the same
planet with Chuck Norris." Imagine doing
similar with our possible Prime Minister-to-be.
Would that be funny? 771 followers on Twitter
think so.
http://twitter.com/davefacts

>> Shitty old album covers again <<
Elliot writes, "A quite excellent collection of
rubbish album covers. Hadn't seen most of
these." Nor us, Elliot, nor us. NSFW in places
but, as Elliot points out, "If someone's afraid
of the human body I have nothing but pity for
them."
http://bit.ly/147ku2

>> Headline of the day <<
Not much we can write about this without
ruining the joke so with no further ado:
http://snurl.com/lollikeyouveneverlolledbefore

-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Railway pup

Nothing tugs the heart-strings like a fluff
baby in peril. This poor wee puppy was rescued
from some train lines - he'd frozen to them in
the cold weather. Ironically, his name is Track
- what are the chances of that??
http://snurl.com/puppytime

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Imagine this on an iPad. WoooOOOooo!

>> Simon Swears <<
Years ago we ran a flash toy with the same
name, now it's become a real hardware project.
Yep, a speaking, swearing Simon toy. Fan
fucking tastic.
http://is.gd/7daTi

>> Welcome back Chris Morris. <<
Very much looking forward to seeing Chris
Morris's new comedy about shit terrorists. The
clip is OK, but hey, it's new Chris Morris.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Welcome_back_Chris_Morris

>> Carol Vorderman - Motherfucker <<
The first show on C4 was Countdown and it's
still going, although they got rid of the rest
reason to watch - Carol Vorderman - years ago.
Remember her this way - made to say rude words
through the medium of editing.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Carol_Vorderman_Motherfucker

>> iPad lols <<
So the marketing team sat around going, "Is
there any precedent for this name?" "Well
there's this old comedy sketch from 2007 on
youTube about sanitary towels." "Nah, fuck it,
nobody will notice will they?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsjU0K8QPhs

>> How news reports work <<
A good deconstruction by Charlie Brooker on how
news reports are put together - might
temporarily put you off watching the news as
you'll just be spotting the format points for a
bit.
http://snurl.com/charltonbrookerisfunny

>> Kersal Massive nostalgia <<
If you remember the internet from 2005 then
you'll enjoy this comedy clip of an A&R man
trying to get into some Kersal action.
http://snurl.com/scrotes

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Cocky slags

* KNOB MECHANIC - "The chap third from top made
me emit a cheesy one (a smile, of course)"
confesses Parpy Parp-Parp.
http://snurl.com/cccsuperloltime

* SAD NEWS - Looks like b3ta's favourite
magazine is going under:
http://www.propubs.com/global-slag/gs_homepage.html

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Merger Challenge

Last week we wanted you to visualise unlikely
company mergers.

Your favourites included:

* BROWN - popular author + highway code = handy
(salvadorevincent)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9883331

* CRUMBLE - Blackberry + Apple iPhone =
disaster (barzo)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9881554

* MEAT - ordinance survey + spam = triumph
(custard)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9880813

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/mergers/

>> New challenge: The iPad <<
As Steve Jobs launches the most exciting
product in the world, ever, this week's
challenge is obvious: take the piss out
of the iPad
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/ipad/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* GUY GOMA - Remember Guy Goma, the bloke who
got mistaken for a tech journalist and
interviewed on News 24, then that flash of
total shock when he caught on? Turns out that
Guy Kewney, the bloke he was mistaken for, now
has cancer. If you've ever laughed at the clip,
why not donate some spare change to make his
life a bit better?
http://bit.ly/az1d2Y

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* CHARLIE BROOKER'S ALL-DAY-BREAKFAST BAR -
"Fried egg, bacon, chips and beans, mashed and
compacted into a Crunchie-sized slab, covered
with a layer of ketchup, then swaddled in thick
Dairy Milk chocolate. It'd look and weigh about
the same as a Double Decker. And yes, it sounds
disgusting - but you'd have to try it once,
wouldn't you?"
http://snurl.com/yeahyeahyeahyeah

* PEACE KITTENS VS TRANSGLOBAL UNDERGROUND -
"The chords in the chorus of Transglobal
Underground's 'Temple Head' are among the most
life-affirming things ever", states Iain, "It
seems obvious to me that, if footage could be
found of kittens miaowing with the same
intervals, all world conflict could be ended at
a stroke."

* SEMI-SLICED BREAD - and other unhappy
compromises between control and convenience.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by codepo8, @Daffydil,
@SamCarelse, @leonhurley, @bounder, @TheoEsc,
@nunobensen, openleggy, @TheoEsc, waz4444,
McBadger, @danielbevis and not forgetting the
lovely WiL. Additional linkage and image
challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW
bloke. Subjlols via Bob Todd. Sickipedia via
Tinpotbob.

-------------------------------------------------

What is hard and six inches long?
My pen is.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 872 - Jan. 27, 2010 - Strange Comments Made in 1957

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

2 NEW WEBSITE ENHANCEMENTS!

We have added two new features that you have been asking for.

1. Auto Image Centering - no need to scroll down and center the image anymore!

2. New Utility Bar on top right and bottom of each image page which allows direct connect to 12 POPULAR Social Networking and News sites - FaceBook - MySpace - Reddit - Twitter - Digg - Stumbleupon - Yahoo - Google.

Now it's easier than ever to share and store your favorite images and jokes!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

==================================

Strange Quotes About "Wisdom"

"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Know thyself." - Linnaeus

"The two most abundant things in the universe are Hydrogren and stupidity." - Harlan Ellison

"Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing." - Engineer's Motto

"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think." - Dorothy Parker

"Apologizing - a very desperate habit - one that is rarely cured. Apology is only egotism wrong side out." ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., The Professor at the Breakfast-Table

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Comments Made in 1957 - Amazing!

Thought you might like to see these!!! Comments made in the year 1957:

"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20."

"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $5000 will only buy a used one."

"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."

"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"

"If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."

"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon.
Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."

"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls."

"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more.
Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind,' it seems every new movie has either "hell" or "damn" in it.

"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."

"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the president."

"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."

"It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet."

"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."

"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more; those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."

"I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business."

"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress."

"The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on."

"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."

"No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood."

"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it."

Know friends who would get a kick out of these? Pass it on!

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE FARM FIELDS - RIVER RUNS THRU - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/159355.html

STRANGE DIVORCE CAKES - KICKED OFF THE CAKE - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/159565.html

STRANGE VOLKSWAGEN BUS/CAMPER - REAR SLIDE OUT TRAY - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/159501.html

STRANGE ACOUSTIC 'EARS' - BEFORE RADAR - LISTENING POSTS - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/159795.html

STRANGE RIOT POLICE VEHICLES - ASIAN SUV WITH POWER LIFT OUTER SKELETON - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/159970.html

CAT CATCHES BAT MIDAIR! - GIF - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/160014.html

MY FAVORITE PHILOSOPHY - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/160045.html

NAVY FUN AND FROLIC - HOSE WARS! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/160064.html

MICKEY MANTEL 1952 - NEW YORK YANKEES - 2nd YEAR IN THE BIG LEAGUES - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/160072.html

STRANGE AERIAL PHOTO OF RKO STUDIOS 40 ACRES BACKLOT - 1965 - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/152721.html

NEW YORK CITY - LITTLE ITALY - MULBERRY ST - 1900 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/160086.html

STRANGE RUSSIAN FLAME-THROWING SYSTEM - MFS-1 BURATINO - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/160087.html

STRANGE OBAMA OPTICAL ILLUSION BODY PAINT! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/160089.html

TIGER WOODS SIGNS AT THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN! HE'S BEEN BUSY - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/160092.html

STRANGE SPORTS - EXTREME SNAIL RACING! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/160093.html

STRANGE PHOTOS - PERFECT TIMING! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/160096.html

STRANGE 3-D MONSTER MEETS BABY GIF - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/160097.html

STRANGE OLD PIX - ALFRED HITCHCOCK AND KIDS CATCHING SNOWFLAKES IN THEIR MOUTHS - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/160098.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - AIRCRAFT - JETS - FIGHTERS - ATTACK AIRCRAFT

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/100041_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Different Terror Threat Levels Around The World - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/159455.html

The Seven Dumbest Deaths in Recorded History - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/160091.html

Seinfeld Quiz - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/21690.html

Psychoanalyze Yourself - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/21695.html

Rhetorical Wisdom - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/21956.html

A Quiz for People Who Know Everything - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/22817.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - AIRCRAFT - JETS - FIGHTERS - ATTACK AIRCRAFT

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/120_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

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Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

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Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

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