Vol 642- Nov 14, 2007 - 20 Special 'Southernisms'

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

Check Out the NEWEST addition to the Strange Family

- StrangeFunKidz.com !!!!

Just born last week! Check it out for Hilarious Pictures and Jokes about Babyz, Adolescents, Teens, Their Pets, Parents, High Schools and Education.

GO HERE - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/index.html

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

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==================================

Strange "Dog" Quotes

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. - Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.- Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.- Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.-Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P. Jones

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - - 20 Special 'Southernisms'

From or pal John - A new Yankee living in the South and slowly adjusting!

Southernisms

1.) Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, --
you "PITCH" them.

2.) Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."

3.) Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

4.) Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

5.) All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.

6.) All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.
They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

7.) Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)

8.) Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

9.) Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

10.) No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

11.) A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

12.) Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.

13.) Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!

14.) Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

15.) True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."

16.) True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

17.) Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

18.) When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' .. ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

19.) Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

20.) And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE SHEEP DOG - SHEEP'S HEADREST? - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/131833.html

STRANGE 'ARMLESS' HUNTER & FISHERMAN - 1 - TURKEY HUNTING - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/132009.html

STRANGE OPOSSUM FAMILY HANGING FROM THJEIR TAILS! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/132123.html

STRANGE LITTLE CARS - 1958 ZUNDAPP JANUS - GERMANY - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/132142.html

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STRANGE MINI VW BUS MOTORCYCLE SIDECAR - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/132299.html

THE "DOG KING" - EVERYONE BOW DOWN AND SALUTE! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/132300.html

STRANGE ARTWORK - 'BEETLE' TRACKS PAINTING! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/132301.html

STRANGE CIRCLE JERK BICYCLE - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/132302.html

SKYDIVERS CLIMBING ON TOP OF JUMP PLANE - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/132304.html

STRANGE 'PEPOMINT' AD CAR - 1918 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/132305.html

STRANGE PAINTING/SCULPTURE - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/132306.html

STRANGE RODEO - MONKEY RIDING A WILD BUCKING BULL! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/132308.html

STRANGE PAINTED HORSE - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/132309.html

WWII - LANDING CRAFT UNLOADING TROOPS AND EQUIPMENT - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/132310.html

STRANGE FISHEYE PICTURE - AIR RACES - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/132311.html

VICTORIA'S SECRET OPENS UP BAGDAD OUTLET - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/132314.html

VETERANS DAY SPECIAL - LITTLE GIRL HUGS SOLDIER DADS LEG - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/132315.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - REDNECKS - Why They're SOOO Special !!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/25_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange But True Facts and Information - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/131369.html

Strange Early Names of Music Bands - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/132113.html

Real 911 Emergency Calls - Really! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/132264.html

The 10 Cosa Nostra Commandments - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/132267.html

Southern Wurds - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/101291.html

You May Be a High-Tech Redneck if.......... - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/104284.html

What's Your Southern Sign? - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/25032.html

We Ain't Dumb Down South - Yankee Test - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/25381.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - REDNECKS - Why They're SOOO Special !!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/101_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

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From: rob_manuel <rob@b3ta.com>
Date: Nov 2, 2007 4:10 PM
Subject: [b3ta] "WARNING: Your subscription to choirboy fisting magazine is about to expire."
To: b3ta@yahoogroups.com

This Week:
* MENTAL - Cyriak does it again
* QUESTION - Your stupidest dares
* VIDEO - At home with Henry Rollins

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Run our fingers through your browser hair:
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>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Tattoo your brand on our balls with our
'gonad'vertising. You'd be 'nuts' not too. Cock
also available.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Cyriak, cartoons and shitty

>> Mutated moo <<
We know it's a cliché to look at b3tards'
animation and say they are wrong in the head -
but Cyriak is. He's. Wrong. In. The. Head.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/MOO

>> Cartoonist v cartoonist blog <<
B3tard cartoonists extraordinaire Bigeyedeer
and Seemikedraw run a blog where they pick a
random word as a theme then try to outdo each
other's comic efforts. It's good stuff and, as
it links off to their individual sites, should
keep you supplied with wry chuckles for a not
insignificant whiles.
http://pencilsatdawn.wordpress.com/

>> 'Polystation 3' review <<
Dr. Ashen returns with another scathing review
of some gaming tat he bought off the market.
It's incredible that games haven't advanced a
jot from the distant days of our childhood, but
the casings have been redesigned to mimic
whatever console is currently hot. Who are they
trying to fool? Have they succeeded?
http://www.b3ta.com/links/PolyStation_3_review

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Expensive Mistakes

We wanted to know the most expensive mistake
you've ever made:
http://b3ta.com/questions/expensivemistakes/

Chart Cat's wonderful story of a banking
fuck-up that almost caused the Euro to be
devalued and cost the bank in question $100
million in fines is far too long to quote here,
so here's some shorter entries of money down
the plughole:

* DIRTY FUCKING SCUM CUNTS - "For legal
reasons, and cos I'm still a bit scared, I
can't name anyone involved, but I used to work
for a company making cheat code devices for
consoles. I made stand alone cheat/update
discs. For a new football game this involved
correcting all the team names, player names,
badges, etc. For fun, I substituted 'Dirty
Fucking Scum Cunts' for the team name on one of
the badges. By the time it was flattened to a
low res bitmap it was unreadable. We had a good
laugh about this. The disc sold very well
across Europe until two weeks later. An 8 year
old had zoomed in on it. The boy wasn't sure
what it said, but his Dad had a much better
idea... The press started phoning us asking for
questions. The football club started phoning us
threatening legal action. The product had to be
recalled, re-mastered and re-issued at an
estimated cost of a quarter of a million
pounds. FIFA got involved and were rather
upset, as were a large video games company,
who'd paid a lot of money for exclusive rights
to team names. I was asked to leave (they
insisted really). Fascists." (The Louce)

* STAMP LIGHTS STAMP LIGHTS FLAMES - "When I
was about four, my favourite toy was this
walking robot. It stood a tall 10 inches and
had a light display in its chest. When it was
powered up by some batteries, it would march
forward, stop, then do this light display and
then repeat the process. 'Twas not gifted with
great variety, but it made a lot of noise and
looked cool. One day, the batteries run out:
cool robot becomes quiet plastic statue to the
4 year old. Obviously the 4 year old wants this
resolved, so I bring this to the attention of
my father. This was my expensive mistake. He
has a look around, but can't find any
batteries. So he decided to improvise. He
opened up the battery compartment and connected
a spare CAR BATTERY. STAMP STAMP STAMP LIGHTS
STAMP SMOKE STAMP STAMP LIGHTS STAMP FLAMES
STAMP LIGHTS LIGHTS FLAMES FLAMES FLAMES... Dad
disconnected the car battery. It was too late.
The robot had run straight into a wall and was
burning itself into the skirting, a lump of
disfigured toy with the smell of plastic death
emanating from it. I loved that toy." (Jeccy)

* MR ZIPPAH DE DOO DAH - "I used to work for a
software house making bespoke systems for
councils. These were nice little earners,
25-75k/year, so we would work hard at getting
everything *just so* for that all important
first sales pitch in front of the great and the
good of the council. So we are all set up and
ready for a demo. The system is hooked up to a
Barco in glorious Gianto-Vision, very important
so that everyone can read all the words. The
first of the dummy records is called up, and an
audible gasp comes from the audience. It would
appear that our rather unreconstructed
Directory of Marketing has decided to key some
test data into the system, so the first person
in the database is: "Mr Zippah De Doo Dah, 10
Am Dat Wate'melon Street, Blacksville, Darkie
Town." He'd been busy because the next few
were, shall we say, similar in tone. Oddly, we
didn't get that contract." (The Fifth Elephant)

>> This Week's Question <<
We'd like your stupidest dares.
http://b3ta.com/questions/stupiddares/

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: T-SHIRT OF THE WEEK
Swirly Face Man

Celebrating everyone's favourite paedophile,
comes our Swirly Face t-shirt. Ideal for
childrens, new ravers and those not blessed
with the skills to fully understand the
implications of photoshop filters.
http://snipurl.com/swirlyfacemantshirt

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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Sleeve note reviews <<
We know the record industry doesn't need our
sympathy, but we were recently struck that with
the advent of MP3s and iPods that we hadn't
really noticed any album art in years. Despite
the world looking the other way, there's still
some fantastic work going on in this area, as
evidenced by this enjoyable blog.
http://sleevage.com/wiley-playtime-is-over/

>> The art of sharpening pencils <<
There can a great deal of pleasure to be had
from a minutely-detailed explanation of some
mundane activity. This guy enthusiastically
outlines the various methods and styles of
pencil sharpening - and makes it interesting!
http://matthewjamestaylor.com/blog/the-art-of-sharpening-pencils

>> Wolverhampton ring road tramp <<
"Being from Wolverhampton", suggests
fizzyorguk, "Rob must have been saddened to
hear of the tragic passing of Fred the ring
road tramp, Wolverhampton's only real
celebrity. How about an Elton John style b3ta
tribute, 'good bye England's tramp...'" Hmm, we
can't promise you that, but we do suggest that
you re-read this classic B3ta QOTW on local
nutters that was directly inspired by our old
friend, Josef Stawinoga.
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/localnutters/

>> Joss Whedon new TV show <<
Small whoops of nervous joy have been heard in
B3ta HQ at the news that Buffy creator Joss
Whedon is returning to his true home,
television, with a new show. Fingers crossed it
won't get cancelled or flop like his last few
projects.
http://snipurl.com/pleasebegood

>> Disturbing Halloween costume <<
Most people go to Halloween parties dressed as
a cat, pirate, The Crow or a vampire. The idea
is, you can still look cool and, if so
inclined, pull. Then there are people who go to
extra lengths to express their weird
creativity. Kind of NSFW, this.
http://snipurl.com/dontclickthisnsfw

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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH

There is nothing cute left in the world. It's
all gone black. Will the last one out of the
room please turn off the lights.

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO

Despite most comments on YouTube being
completely useless, we were heartened recently
to spot one saying "nobody makes your breath
stink of cock, like batchelors bell end soup."
So huzzah for that and on with the show.

>> How to hide your stash <<
Ex-policemen explains (at length) how to avoid
getting caught while transporting drugs. It's
interesting stuff, although he has a tendency
to belabour the point. Then again, he is trying
to teach this stuff to stoners...
http://snipurl.com/omgzdrugslols

>> At home with Henry Rollins <<
Some good-natured mucking about with a
camcorder at the home of the legendary punk
frontman. Not sure if it's his missus or a PA
behind the camera. That said, he still snaps
into scary pretty easily. The freezer is the
best bit. He's an odd bloke - we want more.
http://21361.com/website/COTM/nov07.html

>> Cat cutlery <<
The key phrase here is "after her children left
home"; this woman trained her cat to eat with
cutlery so that it could dine at the table with
her and her hapless husband. She must have been
quite extraordinarily bored. Anyway, now she
believes that cat would like to be in films and
to meet Tiger Woods. Hmm.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkUdDdY_U-A

>> Indian condom song <<
Jaunty public service commercial that plays
like a sort of Bhangra Teletubbies. Extremely
long, extremely elaborate.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTLj_3R0-2g

>> Tourette's add-on <<
Simple Firefox browser addon that will insert
swearwords into any text you try to type. The
appeal, obviously, is to download it onto the
computer of someone who isn't in on it and
watch their bewildered features as a simple
work memo becomes obscene gibberish.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/A_simple_firefox_extension

>> Misheard Bollywood lyrics <<
We've seen an awful lot of those 'misheard
lyric' things on the interwebs, so our
tolerance is pretty high. But we couldn't
restrain a grin at this epic production - it's
a very classy number, combining elaborate
dancing, garbled words and some excellent
comical posing as a bonus.
http://snipurl.com/condomstani

>> Saudi Arabian king = Darth Vader? <<
The horseguards band perhaps making a subtle
point about the UK visit of Saudi Arabian
monarch King Abdullah. After the first
half-minute or so the report starts on about
dodgy human rights records and such.
http://snipurl.com/dahdahdadah

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Spoonerisms Challenge

Last week we wanted to you to mess with
the language.

Your favourites included:

* RAVING PRIVATE CYAN - nothing, even giving
you the joke in advance, can prepare you for
the splendour of this entry (biovalve)

* VERYDISCO CHANNEL - another rather lovely
dance-themed submission. We're tempted to stuff
pills down our scragg (k_cick)

* JAMIE OLIVER - years have passed, and he's
still a cunt (sPUNKer)

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/spoonerisms/

>> New challenge: Robots <<
We love robots, so we've decided to
unleash another of our occasional
one-word challenges. As long as it's
robot-themed, it's in. Go mental.
Challenge suggested by mictoboy.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/one-word-robots/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* PR0NNIEST GIRLS' NAMES - "After your
challenge in 298 Newsletter," sniggers
anthonydeane, "I have painstakingly researched
Google Images and made a table of the girls'
names with the porniest results. It was hard
work." We can only imagine just how hard - and
then, perhaps, wish we hadn't. Anyway, it's all
quite detailed with statistical weighting and
everything.
http://www.anthonydeane.com/b3ta/pics/girls.htm

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* LOO ROLL VIDEO - Can you unroll a toilet roll
from, and stretch is from the bog, all round
the house, flush and watch it be gobbled like
spaghetti? (Actually, this was a top tip from
VIZ from a few years back, but it could make a
nice video, although we suspect the paper
wouldn't need to be strengthened by tape.)

* HOW MUCH WRITING IN A PENCIL? - take an
ordinary pencil and draw a line on the ground,
how far can you go before you run out of lead?
Will you make it to you local shop? Will you be
arrested? Watch the video back on fast forward.

* CD ART - make a massive office mural from
stick different coloured bits of card in CD
jewel boxes and making a DIY pixel art thingie.
Possible of a famous Album cover like Pink
Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

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-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:

This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by lolwhites,
the_log_knows. Top Tippery by Carling in a
Stella glass Additional linkage and image
challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW
bloke. Surprise rape to b4ta. (Brackets) Subject
line by Zak McFlimby.

-------------------------------------------------

TIPUS TOPUS:

"Where has Top Tips Fucked off to of late?"
demands Carling in a Stella glass
belligerently. "It's the only reason I trawl
through this pile of janx every week.Lemon
juice takes the nicotine off your fingers so
you don't have to look like your middle one's
been up a homo's bottom." Thanks. Thanks for
that, Carling.

Be like the leper who uses a hooker: leave a
tip.
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/

-------------------------------------------------

NONSTICKIPEDIA:

What's green and smells like yellow paint?
Green Paint.
http://www.sickipedia.org/search.php?q=green

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Vol 641- Nov 11, 2007 - Strange Business Signs

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

Check Out the NEWEST addition to the Strange Family

- StrangeFunKidz.com !!!!

Just born last week! Check it out for Hilarious Pictures and Jokes about Babyz, Adolescents, Teens, Their Pets, Parents, High Schools and Education.

GO HERE - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/index.html

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange 'Questions':

Sexual harassment at work-is it a problem for the self-employed? --Victoria Wood

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in? --Steven Wright

What happens if you go on a survival course - and you don't pass?

What happens if you take No-Doze and wash it down with Nyquil?

Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?

What is shaved ice? Did it have hair on it before it was shaved?

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons?

Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?

How do I set my laser printer on stun?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - Strange Business Signs

Signs

On a Septic Tank Truck sign: "We're #1 in the #2 business."

*Sign over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

*At a proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit please back in."

*On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

*On a Plumbers truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

*Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

*At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."

*On a plastic surgeon's office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

*At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

*On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

*In a nonsmoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

*On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

*At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

*On a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

*In a podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

*On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

*At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

*Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

*In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

*At the electric company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

*In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry .. Come on in and get fed up."

*In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

*At a propane filling station, "Tank heaven for little grills."

*And don't forget the sign at a Chicago radiator shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

COOL CONCEPT BICYCLES - 1 - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/131811.html

UNHAPPY JEWISH MOTHER'S STRANGE WEDDING INVITATION - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/131870.html

STRANGE GHOST PICTURES - 3 - ROOM - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/131988.html

PATRIOTS QUARTERBACK - TOM BRADY - TENDING GOATS! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/132109.html

CUTE LITTLE KITTEN - PRAYING! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/132122.html

STRANGE FARM FIELD FROGGY! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/132129.html

STRANGE LITTLE CARS - 1955 FUJI CABIN - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/132140.html

STRANGE SIDEWALK ART - WHITE WATER DANGER - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/132144.html

LAUNCHING AN EXPENSIVE POLICE BOAT IS EASY - DON'T FORGET THE BRAKE - 2 - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/132154.html

GUINESS WORLD RECORDS - WORLD'S LARGEST & SMALLEST HORSES - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/132158.html

TANK WITH A PROBLEM - UPSIDE DOWN! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/132159.html

DANGEROUS WEATHER - HMCS HALIFAX - HIGH SEAS - 1 - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/132162.html

FALL COLOR TOUR - COVERED BRIDGE - AUTUMN - TREES CHANGING - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/132163.html

FIVE BABY PANDA BEARS DRINKING FROM BABY BOTTLES! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/132193.html

STRANGE SNIPER TRAINING - STRANGE OBSERVER - DOG - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/132202.html

STRANGE TRANSPARENT FROG - YOU CAN SEE HIS INSIDES! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/132215.html

STRANGE X-RAY 'AIRPORT SECURITY' BAG - DANGEROUS! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/132216.html

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==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - MISC - CRAZY STUFF - TRAINS - BICYCLES - VANITY PLATES

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==================================

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Strange But True Facts and Information - 1 - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/131368.html

Top 10 Strangest Conspiracy Theories - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/132112.html

Christian One Liners - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/132119.html

Strange Laws Around The World - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/104346.html

You May Be From Canada If… - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/25585.html

Insults about Nationalities and by Country - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/25414.html

Rejected State Mottos - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/21148.html

Our Town is so Small - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/21299.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SV - MISC - CRAZY STUFF - TRAINS - BICYCLES - VANITY PLATES

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/111_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

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Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

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News from The Smoking Gun

Dear Friends:

While we've published loads of previously unseen celebrity mug shots, today we have unearthed a real treasure: a marvelous 1976 David Bowie booking photo. The rock star was photographed by Rochester, New York police after his arrest (along with Iggy Pop) on a felony pot possession charge. Take a look:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1108072bowie1.html

A Boston priest allegedly spent the last 14 months stalking NBC late night host Conan O'Brien, according to New York cops. The reverend, it seems, also had an unhealthy preoccupation with tennis star John McEnroe. Creepy details at:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1108071conan1.html

Wesley Snipes is so desperate to get his tax evasion trial moved from central Florida to New York City, he's actually played the Ku Klux Klan/Confederate flag card. Story here:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1106072snipes1.html

Speaking of the Sunshine State, a sheriff there seems concerned about the appearance of a purported new drug favored by young users. However, it's the lawmen themselves who appear to be under the influence:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1105072jenkem1.html

In a special giveaway to newsletter subscribers like you, we're raffling off six copies of "Steroid Nation," a wonderful new book from our friend Shaun Assael, a writer with ESPN The Magazine. So for a shot at the book, which examines America's love affair with performance-enhancing drugs, enter here:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/steroidcontest1.html

Regards,

Your pals at TSG

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Vol 640 - Nov 7, 2007 - Real Answers From Traffic School Exams

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

Check Out the NEWEST addition to the Strange Family

- StrangeFunKidz.com !!!!

Just born last week! Check it out for Hilarious Pictures and Jokes about Babyz, Adolescents, Teens, Their Pets, Parents, High Schools and Education.

GO HERE - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/index.html

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

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==================================

Quotes from "Famous" Mothers - Part 1

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER:
"Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

BARNEY'S MOTHER:
"I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you're starting to look a little purple!"

MARY'S MOTHER:
"I'm not upset the you lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you!"

BATMAN'S MOTHER:
"It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance will be!"

GOLDILOCK'S MOTHER:
"I've got a bill here for a busted chair from the bear family. You know anything about this Goldie?"

LITTLE MISS MUFFET'S MOTHER:
"Well, all I've got to say is if you don't get of your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there'll be a lot more spiders around here!"

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER:
"But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something....?"

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Real Answers From Traffic School Exams

Clever Drivers

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's traffic school. YIKES!

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too shit-faced to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be a dickhead all day long.

Submitted by Lenny

==================================

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==================================

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==================================

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==================================

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==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

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Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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News from The Smoking Gun

Dear Friends:

Today's addition to our celebrity mug shot collection comes courtesy of Shia LaBeouf, the 21-year-old star of "Transformers" and the upcoming Indiana Jones movie. The young actor, apparently intoxicated, was nabbed Sunday after refusing to leave a Chicago Walgreens at 2:30 AM. Heck, we've all been there:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1105071labeouf1.html

In a new lawsuit filed by Larry King, the CNN host claims that an unscrupulous insurance brokerage rooked him in connection with his sale of $15 million in personal life insurance policies. The 73-year-old broadcaster, who contends that he was victimized by the "highly complex" scheme, comes across as an easy mark. Like the kind of senior citizen targeted by creepy telemarketers. Details here:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1102073king1.html

The week's best classified ad, amazingly, did not appear on Craigslist:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1102071milk1.html

Getting arrested stinks. But that doesn't mean a gal can't try to strike a pose during her mug shot session. Just like these 18 recent bustees:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1102072mugs1.html

Who would have thought that a photo of Maria Sharapova's nether region would figure in a federal lawsuit? Not that we're complaining:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1101072ad1.html

Ohhhh, Canada:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1030071canada1.html

Have a news tip, suggestion, or beef? Then by all means drop us a line at:

editor@thesmokinggun.com

Regards,

Your pals at TSG

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Vol 639 - Nov 4, 2007 - TOP 25 COUNTRY SONGS

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

Check Out the NEWEST addition to the Strange Family

- StrangeFunKidz.com !!!!

Just born last week! Check it out for Hilarious Pictures and Jokes about Babyz, Adolescents, Teens, Their Pets, Parents, High Schools and Education.

GO HERE - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/index.html

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes About "Music"

"Assassins!" - Arturo Toscanini, to his orchestra

"Anything too stupid to be said, is sung." - Voltaire

"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to." - Elvis Presley

"Cute little babies that fall out of swings - These are a few of my favourite things."
- Oscar Hammerstein, working lyric for "My Favorite Things", The Sound of Music

"2,400,000 Americans play the accordian - hopefully not at the same time." - inside a Pepsi cap

"Opera in English is, in the main, about as sensible as baseball in Italian." - H. L. Mencken

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Top 25 Country Songs

TOP 25 COUNTRY SONGS

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye.
24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Were Pure.
23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.
21. I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We're Even.
20. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You.
19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.
18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.
17. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.
16. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
15. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
14. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You.
13. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.
12. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.
11. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head).
10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You.
9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him.
8. Please Bypass This Heart.
7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.
6. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat.
5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.
4. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
3. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles.
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.

And the Number 1 Country and Western song of all Time is...

1. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women But I've Sure Woke Up

==================================

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==================================

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==================================

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Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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