VOL 1095 - March 18, 2012 - Strange Things Learned The Hard Way

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

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A Tribute to Spring Fun - March Craziness !

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

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Strange Quotes:

Epitaph for a dead waiter - God finally caught his eye. (George S. Kaufman)

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall. (Eleanor Roosevelt)

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. (Joseph Heller)

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. (Ed Furgol)

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. (Charles Lamb)

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it is written on. (Sam Goldwyn)

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. (Howard Aiken)

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - - Things Learned The Hard Way

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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STRANGE OLDE AUSTRALIAN 2 ABREAST TANDEM BICYCLE - MADE BY MALVERN STAR - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/181826.html

STRANGE INSECTS & BUGS - LARGE YELLOW & BLACK BANANA SPIDER - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/181574.html

STRANGE POLICE VEHICLES - POLICE STOP SMUGGLERS TRUCK WITH FAKE WOOD LOAD - SECRET PANEL - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/181610.html

STRANGE JAPANESE TATTOO BY MAN TO STUPID TO LOOK IT UP! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181620.html

STRANGE SNOW FUN ON THE SLOPES - SKIERS CREATE HUGE SNOWBALL AND ROLL IT DOWN THE MOUNTAIN SIDE! - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/181702.html

THE WORLD'S STRANGEST & MOST DEADLY LAKES - MONO LAKE, CALIFORNIA - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181713.html

DANGEROUS SPORTS - ROCK CLIMBER HANGS ON TO OVERHANG - SCARY - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/181799.html

STRANGE RUSSIAN "FLYING CHURCH" DROPPED INTO BATTLEFIELDS! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/181816.html

IRISH STEREOTYPES ARE SICKENING! - WHERE'S MY GUINNESS ? - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181817.html

WINTER SPORTS DANGERS - ROCK CLIMBER GOES UP FROZEN WATERFALL WITH ICE PICKS AND CRAMPONS - WOW! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/181818.html

STRANGE OLDE FARM EQUIPMENT - 1 HORSE POWER WHEAT THREASHER - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/181819.html

AMAZING SHOT OF BRIDGE DEMOLITION SIMULTANEOUS EXPLOSION - FT STEUBEN BRIDGE BETWEEN OHIO AND W. VIRGINIA - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181820.html

STRANGE ARTISTIC TALENTS - DIRTY UNWASHED CAR PORTRAITS! MARILYN MONROE ON THE TRUNK! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181822.html

STRANGE OLDE PRODUCTS - "LET'S PLAY HORSEY!" - DADDY SADDLE FOR KIDDIE RIDES - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/181823.html

WEATHER DANGERS - AMAZING AERIAL SHOT AS RAINBOW HANGS FROM RAIN CLOUD - SHOWERS - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/181824.html

STRANGE ANIMAL DANGERS - COUGAR JUMPS HIGH IN THE AIR TO SNAG PHEASANT TRYING TO FLY OFF! - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/181825.html

AMAZING OLDE ROCK STARS - BANDS & GROUPS - ELVIS GETTING A TRAFFIC TICKET WITH HIS NEW CADILLAC - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/181523.html

SKATEBOARD DANGERS - SCARY STRAIGHT DOWN DROP FOR CRAZY SKATEBOARDER! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/181821.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - * STRANGE PEOPLE - Scary & Just Plain Dumb!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/31_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

- 10 Greatest Robberies in History - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/181594.html

- Strange Facts & Figures - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/181723.html

- Strange Baseball Injuries - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/124787.html

- Strange and Totally Wrong Predictions - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/124863.html

- Little Known Chocolate Tidbits - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/24398.html

- Strange and Generally Useless Crap - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/24580.html

-Things That Are Difficult to say When Drunk - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/24741.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - * STRANGE PEOPLE - Scary & Just Plain Dumb!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/136_1.html

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Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

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[b3ta] "IMAGINE BONO. THERE YOU GO, RUINED YOUR DAY"

 

This Week:
* ENORMOUS - Gigantic Toffee Crisp
* INNUENDO - Masterchef muck
* UNHELPFUL - One-Star Amazon reviews

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Sticking poo in your
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | inbox since 2001
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| and still doing it"

B3ta email 520 - 14 Mar 2012

Read this issue on phone whilst crossing a road:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue520

Mystic Meg : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Mystic Smeg : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: CAPITAL by JOHN LANCHESTER (sponsored linky)
5 signed copies to be won

Capital is an extraordinary read - the story
of why our economy is sick, in novel form.
A real state of the nation book that has the
epic scope of The Wire and left us terrified
of the coming austerity apocalypse.

We think you should read it and we've got five
signed copies to give away. Simply answer this
question in 50 words or less, "What will your
life be like in 2021?" Best answers, according
to our cabal of sinister judges, will get
the books.
http://b3ta.com/board/10719652

Or, alternatively, buy the book on Amazon.
Less than a tenner and more thought-provoking
than spending yet another evening poking
social media.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0571234607/b3ta-21


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Too many things to mention. No really.

>> Masterchef Professionals innuendo <<
"I finished a new Masterchef: The Professionals
filth vid at 4am this morning (as it was the
Masterchef Final last night and I don't
sleep)," confesses Cope&Dalton's Henry. "If you
want it, it couldn't be hotter off the
presses!" Oh, we want it alright.
http://bit.ly/yMNkji

>> Giant Toffee Crisp <<
"A while back I made a giant KitKat Chunky,"
reminds corruptia. "The sugar high wore off, so
I made this giant Toffee Crisp. Enjoy!" A
perfect slice of nerdy cookery - we even loved
the music.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Giant_Toffee_Crisp

>> Decided to become a Reply Girl <<
"Reply Girls are cleavagically gifted young
ladies who find popular videos on Youtube and
post reply videos to them saying nothing in
particular, but focus on their boobs," reports
Cap'n. "I thought this was a brilliant idea,
and as an attractive, sexually comfortable
young woman I decided to make a couple."
http://bit.ly/xIIkuX

>> Stuart Ashen gets advertising gig <<
Ashen's rise to the top has been extremely
exciting for us B3ta overlords, we feel like
proud pigeons seeing their young fly for the
first time, swooping majestically over the
landscape rather than plummeting to their
death. Ashen has produced a really quite
unusual advert too, which deserves your
attention. Firstly you need to watch the set-up
which is unobtrusively placed in one of his
normal videos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AE8c3E_VZmY#t=423s

Then watch the payoff. Oh my fucking God.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iOfVgZYu28

>> Draw the Shitler <<
Self-explanatory printed toilet paper, invented
by liathan and now for sale. "I could use your
help," he pleads, "It's really funny, it's my
idea and I printed 1000 rolls in China. And now
my room is overcrowded!"
http://www.drawtheshitler.com

>> Trolling bigoted protesters in Adelaide <<
"Like all great cities, Adelaide has her very
own bunch of local bigots. Every Friday a group
of 15 oh-so-Christian twats meet in a place
called Rundle Mall to shout out "Slut!" or
"Fag!" at passersby and generally spoil
everyone's day," explains Sanderson Jones who,
like all comedians, is touring Australia right
now. "I decided it would be fun to wind them up
a bit."
http://youtu.be/iaz2rxmcWyg

>> An Open Letter to 1998 <<
"With apologies to John Cooper Clarke," adds
Bela Lugosi's Dad with a series of dour,
northern warnings to the era of Seinfeld, Pope
John Paul II and the 333MHz Pentium chip.
http://bit.ly/wEhRlg

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: SPONSORED LINKY WOO
Recursive todo lists

Do you know the three Rs? That's recursion,
recursion, recursion. The difference between
Pendactive and just any todo list is that it
allows infinite nesting for tasks. Imagine
that. No more lists falling apart because you
get three levels deep and the software just
can't cope. Genius on a stick.
http://www.pendactive.com/

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Lies that went on too long

We asked for the little lies you had to keep
going a lot longer than you wanted:
http://b3ta.com/questions/liesthatwentontoolong/

* TWENTY YEAR LIE - "Last year of university,
five blokes trying to find jobs. Bob had a
good opportunity with a bank, his absolute
dream job. Now Bob professed to taking massive
drugs. The night before his interview as he
was giving us his drugs stories, Mike produced
a small pink pill, saying he didn't know what
it was, but it was reputedly strong stuff. Bob
necked it and for the rest of the evening said
he was a little light-headed but nothing odd.
Next day Bob returned with a tale of woe: told
there was a drugs test, Bob had run out of the
offices. Bye-bye nice job. Mike felt awful.
He'd told the rest of us that it was a child's
sore-throat tablet, but now Bob had messed up
the offer of a good job and Mike couldn't bear
to tell Bob the truth. We eventually found jobs,
girls, then marriage, kids. Except Bob: he
drifted in and out of temporary jobs, travelling
to Eastern Europe, Asia and then Australia,
where he moved in with a girl and took a job
which was nothing special, but allowed him to
live. All this time Mike was convinced he'd caused
this by his lie. Ten years on when we all met up,
Mike couldn't hold it back any longer: he was so
sorry, he felt awful. "That's all right mate.
Still, I wonder what might have been, eh..."
Mike left soon after. As soon as he was gone Bob
burst out laughing. He'd realised the pill was
nothing. In reality he'd had a change of heart.
He'd had a great time travelling the world, and
he couldn't be happier. That was 10 years ago.
Bob still hasn't told Mike. The twenty-year lie,
still going."
(Smale)

* YESH - "Walked into a quiet pub and for some
inexplicable reason, I ordered a pint in a
Scottish accent. It just came out. I think I'd
been thinking in Sean Connery's voice (which I
heartily recommend to add a bit of character to
your own internal monologues) Got chatting to
the barman while waiting for my friend to turn
up. Still in Scottish accent. When he turned up,
I explained what was going on, and continued
sitting at the bar and speaking in a Scottish
accent all night. Got easier and more natural
as I drank more, strangely."
(SnowyTheRabbit )

* HEARD IT ALL BEFORE - "God made me pregnant,
Joseph, I swear".
(TheManWithThePlan)

>> This Week - Training Courses <<
Have you been trained? Did it make much
difference? Or did you merely learn how to
drink a lot in a hotel? Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/trainingcourses/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Rock'n'roll tedium <<
Imagine spending a few seconds with the gods of
our age. You'd write about it too, even if it
was a bit dull.
http://rockandrolltedium.tumblr.com/

>> Classic nudes, improved <<
Famous paintings of naked ladies get magazine
photoshop treatment. To be fair, there was a
time when the standard for beauty was 'looks
like she can afford to eat food'.
http://bit.ly/zYzG37

>> Cholafied <<
Mystifying tumblr of celebrities made over as
latina gangstas. The Hoff is the best - but
then when is he not the best?
http://bit.ly/wXnTfg

>> Michael Jackson sightings <<
Is Jacko really dead? Or did he fake it, to
escape from the grind of fame - but is sending
coded messages back to his fans? Draw your own
conclusions from this entertaining collection
of 'sightings'. Spoiler: He is dead.
http://www.michaeljacksonsightings.com/

>> Jazz Nazis <<
Stringent set of musical rules laid out by the
Nazi Party on what is and isn't permissible for
musicians. BTW: It's worth looking up some
stuff on Berlin's 1930s jazz scene - those guys
were fighting the Nazis before it was cool.
What a bunch of hipsters.
http://bit.ly/xKLcLm

>> Autoplay internet sounds <<
There's nothing we used to enjoy more than
opening a website and having it abruptly
serenade us with some crappy tune. Relive those
heady days of late 90s web design, with this
collection of sites with soundtracks.
http://soundsoftheinternet.com/

>> Chain pub piss-dungeon <<
One of those tales of sexual depravity that you
swear must be an urban myth but - look - there
are photos of the scene, plus the guy who found
it is my wife's sister's boyfriend's cousin.
http://bit.ly/z4xWyu

>> Least helpful reviews <<
Big lols from a liberal dollop of those
one-star Amazon reviews written by young
children or "morans". Eg. Animal Farm - one
star - "unrealistic because the animals talk".
http://leasthelpful.com/

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: FOLLOW FRIDAY

Suicide has been staved off another week with
small bits of misanthropic humour from the
imaginary season of Friends 11. Best bit? The
cast photo with Jennifer Aniston replaced with
Iggy Pop. (A comparison that George Clooney's
g/f Elisabetta Canalis made famous in 2010;
how bitchy!)
https://twitter.com/FriendsSeason11

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like a VHS but with no tapes. AMAZING!

>> Michael Bolton meets the Lonely Island <<
Peacocking for the ladies sabotaged by
colossal, insurmountable nerdiness.
http://tinyurl.com/3ep5og3

>> 21st century's first great protest song <<
"My first thought on seeing Ill Manors was 'my
wife will want to blog this,'" scribbles Ginger
Fuhrer Rob. Raging rapper disturbingly framed
against the flames of last year's riots.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8GvLKTsTuI

>> Interviewed by your past self <<
In 2002, two friends made a pact to meet up in
ten years' time and complete the interviews
they recorded for their future selves. This is
that year. Now they're raising the cash to make
a professional job of it.
http://beta.indiegogo.com/decades

>> The Gravity Stool <<
Add iron powder to a plastic resin and apply
super-strong magnets and you get furniture
extruded by science. "I so want one of these,"
wheedles Chthonic, in a vague attempt to get
someone to buy him one.
http://vimeo.com/34773498

>> Milligan's '70s race-based sitcom <<
Sadly, only one episode of The Melting Pot
(1975) was ever broadcast, but here's a brief
taster of Spike Milligan's lost, black-face
masterpiece.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZPFOKzj0Q4

>> iPad ukulele <<
Hipsters! Throw away those tiresome, authentic
wooden instruments - now you can carry out even
more of your daily routine without ever having
to relinquish grasp on your precious, precious
iPad.
http://t.co/0SdFDGA3

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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Funny with an invisible 'un'

* DOC DOC DOC DOC DOCTOR KUHNT - The Coast Of
Yemen writes, "Is the Funny Name Corner still
considered funny? A friend of mine had the
pleasure of dealing with this amusingly-named
lecturer whilst studying in Germany."
http://www.statistik.tu-dortmund.de/kuhnt.html

* RANDY BAUMGARDNER, COLORADO LEGISLATOR - as
Wikipedia states, "He is possibly more well
known as the recipient of the American Academy
for Humorous and Unfortunate Names (AAHUN)
award for 'Most Unfortunate Name in a Political
Profession' for 2008, 2009 and 2010. He lost
the title in 2011 to New York Representative
Andrew Weiner."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Randy_Baumgardner

* MINGE - WillF writes, "I suspect that only
Anglophiles such as myself noticed this story
in my local paper, and I immediately thought
of the newsletter's funny name corner. Here
you go."
http://bit.ly/AsGkKg

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: ON THE B3TA RECORD PLAYER
Give these a spin, plop pickers

* SYMPHONY OF SCIENCE IS A MUSICAL PROJECT OF
JOHN D BOSWELL - you've probably heard the Carl
Sagan one but this week we learned that there's
a whole album to buy. It's lovely. And you can
name your price - or even get it free.
http://symphonyofscience.com/

* NEW KUNT ALBUM, SLOPPY SECONDS - Kunt writes,
"The story behind one of the tracks 'You
brought a paedo along to 5-a-side' - it's a
real life story about this bloke who came to
our Monday night indoor footy who got
convicted of being an online nonce. He used
the offer of free furniture on Habbo Hotel to
lure them in - I suppose that's the modern day
equivalent of puppies in his boot. Actually
re-reading it there's not much funny about it.
It's quite harsh. But the song is nice and
jaunty."
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B007I7OOZK/b3ta-21

BTW: Kunt is doing a gig at Fiddlers Elbow,
North London, Friday week (March 23). Seeing
as this is literally a 15-minute walk from
B3ta HQ, we'll be there. Maybe you will too?
http://kunt2012.eventbrite.com/

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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Meta-Gerbils

Vampyre_gem writes, "For your 'things that
make you go ahhh' section. We're a little
obsessed with pets, 10 gerbils, cat, dog and
fish and no signs of slowing down really. But
it turned out one of the boy gerbs was a girly
gerb and ended up getting knocked up. She had
6 pups, one of whom died. 4 are doing well and
growing and the other is called 'Tripod' as he
one has 3 paws and is tiny compared to the
rest. Anyway, took this picture of him,
thought the rest of the world would like to
see. Hope he pulls through!"

Hmm. Vampyre_gem didn't give us a link and it
vaguely amuses us to have all that build up
them FLUMP! No link. So use your imagination
to think up some disabled gerbils. Yay, how cute.

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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Hedgehogs Challenge

Last week we wanted you to celebrate hedgehogs

Your favourites included:

* ATTACK: terrifying confrontation with
prickly foe (maiden)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10716838

* ITCH: awww! look at the distressed
little hog, all riddled with disease!
(E Dubya)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10713603

* DARWIN: startling flora/fauna
interface action (Joe Scaramanga)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10712394

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/hedgehogs/

>> New challenge: Beasts Of War <<
Dogs, horses and pigeons are all well
known for being used in wars to patrol
borders, carry soldiers and pass on
messages. Show us the lesser known
animals that have been put to use in the
art of war. Challenge suggested by
ferret
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/warbeasts/

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: A WARNING FROM HISTORY
The Radar chap, Sir Robert Watson-Watt

Brilliantly the inventor of RADAR was caught
speeding in his car by a radar gun and wrote
an ironic poem about it:

"Pity Sir Robert Watson-Watt,
strange target of this radar plot
And thus, with others I can mention,
the victim of his own invention.
His magical all-seeing eye
enabled cloud-bound planes to fly
but now by some ironic twist
it spots the speeding motorist
and bites, no doubt with legal wit,
the hand that once created it."

We mention this not simply as whimsy but that
it's an eternal story - you make your idea
real with the best of intentions but you
have no control of how it'll be used by
authority. A story that parallels this is this
week's complaint from influential programmer
and blogger Andy Baio, who talks "How Yahoo
Weaponized My Work."
http://bit.ly/yQavXt

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* SOME THOUGHTS ON CYBER-UTOPIANISM - Official
B3ta wife writes about Adam Curtis,
Cyber-utopianism & Education 2.0. Not
something we'd normally run but we think
there's a subset of B3tans who'll enjoy this.
You big bunch of (lovely) Cyber-utopians in
decaying fractal T-shirts and listening to The
Future Sound of London.
http://bit.ly/A8WU5w

* THE TASTE OF FEMALE MUSCLE - Kung_Fu_russ
writes, "Do male and female chickens taste
different? Fuck knows, but I can tell you that
Mussels taste different depending on their
sex. When you buy mussels, you'll notice that
some of them are clearly more orange coloured,
and much sweeter tasting. They're the female
ones. So, just to clarify, Lady-clams are
tastier than man-mussels."

* YOUR RIGHT TO PARODY RUMBLES ON - Video
artist Swede Mason (of 'Masterchef
Synaesthesia' fame) tells ORGZine why he needs
the right to parody.
http://bit.ly/xG5MRl

* PSYCHOTIC EMAIL OF THE WEEK - really don't
know what they are referring to. Dissuper
writes, "You can take your fu(&Y(*^&^ games
off any new computers. I have been playing
your stupid games for 2 weeks and have not won
once. This is bull shit. I guess you delight
in pissing people off. Well I will delete all
of your dam games and use my own, at least I
have more fun, where I can win. You can stuff
your games up your ass. You ought to be tarred
and feathered and ran out of town."

* IN DEFENCE OF QR CODES PART TWO - krang
writes, "My new bicycle has a QR code next to
the serial number. Rather than having to jot
it down, I just scanned the code with my phone
and emailed it to myself. This clever
implementation of technology saved me a total
of about four seconds."

* PISSING ON YOUR CAR REDUX - several years
ago your Ginger Fuhrer wrote a track about
peeing on a car. Googling for it finds this
epic and disturbing remix from a mysterious
person on the YouTube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIKiHaMcEow

* ON THAT BANKSY VIDEO LAST WEEK - apparently
he didn't actually write the text. The chap
who did amusingly describes himself as "a
beautiful flower angel sent from heaven to
inspire Banksy."
http://bit.ly/ywg9UB

* READERS' SHEDS: CALL FOR SHEDS - @unclewilco
writes, "Entries now open for Shed of the Year."
http://www.readersheds.co.uk

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include:

* SHOUT LIKE BRIAN BLESSED DAY - October 9th
would be a good day as that's his birthday.
Can someone organise it please?

* BANK CARD READER HACKS - we worked out that the
LloydsTSB PinSentry has a graphic resolution
of 60x14 - should be enough to play Snake.
Someone should hack it.

* SONGS WRITTEN FOR V/O FUN - write a song
about being a lonely and poor V/O artist. Send
the lyrics to one of those crowdsourced V/O sites
to be read out. Mix into a song using some pitchy
shifty stuff.
http://voicebunny.com/

* SCOTCH EGGS - delicious eggs pickled in
scotch. Yum.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

: THREE THINGS WE'VE LEARNED THIS WEEK
Learn from us, wise grey-bearded B3tans

* If TV reflected real life, East Enders would
just be couples using separate laptops and
occasionally muttering. "What did you say?"
"Nothing"

* Twitter is a conspiracy to record our stupid
comments so that if we ever gain power we can
be hung by our own words

* Flicking Vs and waving a potato peeler is a
particularly ineffectual way of getting the
neighbours cat to go away

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSOR B£TA
We're the Goldman Sachs of Internet newsletters

The best way for you to support B3ta is to
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the guns.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: DARTH VADER T-SHIRTS
Clever winners announced

Last week we asked you to complete the
sentence , "If I met George Lucas I'd like
to...." Your 5 bestest replies were:

* "Ask him if he can survive the winter, using
only the food he has stored in his neck pouch"
(masamoony)

* "Wobble his fucking goitre going 'graaaah'
like Chewbacca" (drbroon)

* "Blow a raspberry on his hairy belly,
glistening with sweat." (Windy Pig)

* "Take him to a strip club and convince him
to drunkenly fuck one of the strippers. Then
I'd blackmail him. With the money I'd buy a
T-shirt. And Wales." (Noctu)

* "Tell him I think Little Britain is shit and
he should go back to doing Shooting Stars." (2
Can Chunder)

If you didn't win then you can buy a Darth
Vader shirt at Truffle Shuffle.
http://bit.ly/rWMefg

-------------------------------------------------

Friends : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Haters : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @Matt_Muir,
Matt Round, uke, @shenannegins,
nickbeddows2002, sinisterduck, @whoojemaflip,
Rosie Leland, @pieceoplastic, Dougald Lamont,
@dotmund, @codepo8 Image challenge by Fraser
Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Top Tip by
Lord Darkheart The Destroyer.

QOTW minion ScaryDuck has a book out, "Samuel
Pepys: Lust for Glory", and the Kindle edition
only costs £2.56. You should buy it:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B007K8VOWI/b3ta-21

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
Save money on McCain Baked Potatoes by buying
a potato and baking it.

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Vol 1094-A - Mar. 17, 2012 - Strange St Paddy's Day Special - You Might be a Leprechaun if.......

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

A Tribute to Spring Fun - St Patrick's Day Special Edition!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_2438.html
STRANGE TRAVELS - ENGLAND & IRELAND

http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/news_527.html
ARE YOU READY FOR ST. PATRICK'S DAY?

http://www.strangeblondes.com/content/item/news_1817.html
STRANGE BARS - PUBS - TAVERNS - RESTAURANTS AROUND THE WORLD

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/news_8252.html
WEDDINGS ARE A BIG BUSINESS!

==================================

Strange "Irish" Quotes:

"Dublin was turning into Disneyland with super-pubs, a Purgatory open till five in the morning." - Joseph O'Connor, "Two Little Clouds"

"Traveling - I was all my life at it. I'd still rather be traveling around. I'm always thinking of it. It was a better and a nicer time on the road - more freedom along the roads. We'd be selling tinware, saucepans, cans - country people knew us well at those times and were very nice." - Former Irish Traveler (or "Tinker") Nan McDonagh

"I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted." - Soccer superstar George Best

"We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill

"You know, I have a theory about Charlie Haughey. If you give him enough rope, he'll hang you." - BBC Ireland reporter Leo Enright.

"I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know." - Actress Sandra Bullock

"All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed." - Sean O'Casey

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - You Might be a Leprechaun if.......

You snicker uncontrollably all the way through "Darby O'Gill And The Little People."

Your record collection is stocked only with very short artists, Paula Abdul, Sheena Easton, Prince, Phil Collins.

When you see a rainbow, you get a greedy little look in your eye. (Arrrr, there's me pot o' gold!)

In your cupboard there is nothing but Lucky Charms cereal.

Every time you get your paycheck, you convert it into gold coins and bury it somewhere.

You insist on dancing a jig on your way to work each morning to the embarrassment of all your friends.

You've been under a rock for the past few years.

You just despise fairies. ("Wing Envy" if you ask me!)

You try to pick up women by saying "Ah, lassie, you have dazzling kneecaps, you do."

When you eat good food, you say it is "magically delicious,".

And the number one way you can tell you might be a Leprechaun:

You're three feet tall, Irish, have red hair, cuss, drink and wear green a lot!

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

IRISH COASTAL LIGHTHOUSE vs OVERBEARING BRITISH NAVAL CAPTAIN! -- AWESOME! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/181788.html

IRISH MAGIC - GUINNESS TRUCK - THE END OF THE RAINBOW - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/174669.html

STRANGE SPORTS STARS TATTOOS! - IRISH EQUESTRIAN TEAM - LOUISE LYONS - HORSE RUMP TATTOO! - OLYMPIC RINGS AND SHAMROCK! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/153682.html

STRANGE ST. PATRICK'S DAY COSTUMES - IRISH GREEN - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/146098.html

STRANGE NEW PRODUCT - INSTANT IRISH ACCENT - MOUTH SPRAY! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/121083.html

STRANGE IRISH PUB - BAR - CAFE - EVERYTHING! THEY NEED MORE SIGNS! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/153004.html

STRANGE IRISH DANCERS - FLYING REDHEADS! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/127807.html

BIG GUN - .454 CALIBER AUTOMATIC! - FROM THE IRISH / ENGLISH TROUBLE DAYS - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/132020.html

COOL OFFICE CUBICLES - IRISH PUB MOTIF! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/143560.html

GUINNESS AD IN JAPAN - AH THE IRISH! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/15857.html

HOW THE IRISH WOULD CHANGE THE STATUE OF LIBERTY - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/103085.html

IRISH EYES - JUST FOR YOU! - http://www.strangevacations.com/content/item/8135.html

IRISH PALM PILOT - GET BEER! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/123290.html

IRISH SOBRIETY TEST - HONG KONG - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/15858.html

NBC PIX OF YEAR NOMINEE - IRISH DANCE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/7340.html

OLD EMPLOYMENT SIGN - NO IRISH NEED APPLY! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/123291.html

ST PATRICKS DAY IRISH WOLFHOUND! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/139877.html

CHICAGO'S GREEN RIVER - ST PATRICK'S DAY 2012 - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/181800.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - IRELAND - Irishman - Pubs - St. Patricks Day - Shamrocks

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/100298_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

- "Irish Jokes" A Few Short Ones. - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/122544.html

- St Patrick - A Quick History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/106251.html

- Irish Blessings - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/25504.html

- Irish Humor - Worth Reviewing - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/22893.html

- Irish Blessings - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/24115.html

- Irish Curses - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/25503.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - IRELAND - Irishman - Pubs - St. Patricks Day - Shamrocks

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/108_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!
a

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

VOL 1094 - March 14, 2012 - Strange Dictionary For Women

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

A Tribute to Spring Fun!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_5446.html
STRANGE CHURCH "MARQUEE'S" AND SIGNS

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/news_3423.html
STRANGE 'SHORT & TALL PEOPLE FROM AROUND THE WORLD

http://www.strangeblondes.com/content/item/news_7824.html
CHECK OUT THE NEW CELEBS CATEGORY - TV NEWSCASTERS - ANCHORS & PUNDITS! FOXY BLONDES

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/news_3126.html
DRIVING WHILE 'BLONDE' - 'SPECIAL' BLONDE ONLY EVENTS

==================================

Strange Quotes about Cats & Teenagers:

For all of you with teenagers or who had teenagers, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats:

1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.

3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.

4. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing.

5. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Dictionary For Women

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n.
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n
Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.
An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n.
What you spend ½ an hour writing, then forget to take to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n
Similar to a black hole in space -- if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n.
You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breathe...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n.
Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n.
The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.
Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

AMAZING OLDE ROCK STARS - BANDS & GROUPS - MICHAEL JACKSON - BOW TIE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181522.html

STRANGE AFRICAN ANIMALS - LONG NOSE ANTEATER - BUSHY TAIL - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/181573.html

STRANGE DEATH ROW PRISONER LAST MEAL REQUESTS - JOHN WAYNE GACY - 33 COUNTS MURDER - KFC CHICKEN! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/181589.html

EMMA WATSON - GROWING UP! - SEXY LITTLE TOP BLUE JEAN SHORTS - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/181674.html

WINTER TRAVEL DANGERS - HUGE SNOW WALLS LINE HIGHWAY - MANY STORIES TALL!!!!!!!!! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/181699.html

THE WORLD'S STRANGEST & MOST DEADLY LAKES - HORSESHOE LAKE, CALIFORNIA - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/181712.html

STRANGE BLONDE CELEBS - LONI ANDERSON - YOUNG & HOT - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/181754.html

STRANGE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION PASSENGERS - LEPRECHAUN IN HIS GREEN OUTFIT WITH HIS MAGIC POT OF GOLD - HAPPY ST PATTY'S DAY! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181778.html

STRANGE RESTAURANT CHOICE FOR AMISH COUPLE - HOOTERS - AMISH CHICKEN WINGS SPECIAL? - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/181780.html

STRANGE PUNCH CARD - THE MAN CARD - MACHO VERSION - HOW MANY HAVE YOU ACHIEVED? - http://www.strangecollege.com/content/item/181781.html

STRANGE MARRIAGE FUN - HUSBAND DOWN IN AISLE 7 ! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181782.html

FARM FUN - BEAUTIFUL GREEN FIELDS IN THE MORNING SUN! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/181786.html

IRISH COASTAL LIGHTHOUSE vs OVERBEARING BRITISH NAVAL CAPTAIN! -- AWESOME! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/181788.html

STRANGE OLDE CELEBRITY CARS - SONNY & CHER - MATCHING CUSTOM MUSTANG SPORTS CONVERTIBLES - http://www.strangevehciles.com/content/item/181789.html

STRANGE HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS - WRESTLER FLIPS OVER BACKWARDS AND PINS OPPONENT ! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/181790.html

OLDE EUROPEAN VEHICLES - STRANGE 1950'S SCANDINAVIAN WRECKER (COLOR) - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/181791.html

STRANGE PRANKS - OFFICE FUN AND GAMES - LOUD AIR-HORN CAN DUCT TAPED TO BOTTOM OF OFFICE CHAIR - SURPRISE! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/181792.html

STRANGE NEW SWIMMING POOL SPORT - ROCK CLIMBING SPECIAL ROCK WALL - IF YOU FALL- NOT BIG DEAL! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/181793.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - COPS - GUNS - LAWYERS - EMS - PROTESTERS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/59_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

- 20 Greatest Unsolved Mysteries in the World - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181593.html

- Strange Thoughts and Observations - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/181722.html

- Strange Channel Tunnel Trivia - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/20522.html

- Presidential Sex Quiz - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/24716.html

- Are You Normal? These Stats Will Tell You! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/25171.html

- The Job Security Quiz - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/25483.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - COPS - GUNS - LAWYERS - EMS - PROTESTERS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/102_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!
a

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

VOL 1093 - March 11, 2012 - Strange Spring Traning & March Madness Fun - Top 10 UnBreakable Sports Records

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

A Tribute to Spring Fun - March Madness - Spring Training!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_10875.html
STRANGE SPORTS CELEBRITIES CRIBS AND COMPOUNDS - SOCCER STARS - NFL FOOTBALL - MLB BASEBALL - MBA BASKETBALL STARS!

http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/news_11049.html
HOTTEST NBA DANCERS AND CHEERLEADER SQUADS - FROM ALL OVER THE NBA

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/news_3048.html
ARE YOU READY FOR SPRING TRAINING - THE BEST MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL!

http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/news_9814.html
STRANGE BASEBALL & BASKETBALL EVENTS - CRAZY FAN STUFF - NEW!

http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/news_9802.html
HOT - NBA CHEERLEADERS - HOT

==================================

19 Basketball Quotes for March Madness:

1) "We can't win at home and we can't win on the road. My problem as general manager is I can't think of another place to play." ~ Pat Williams

2) "The rule was "No autopsy, no foul." ~ Stewart Granger

3) "When I dunk, I put something on it. I want the ball to hit the floor before I do." ~ Darryl Dawkins

4) "The secret is to have eight great players and four others who will cheer like crazy." ~ Jerry Tarkanian

5) "The invention of basketball was not an accident. It was developed to meet a need. Those boys simply would not play "Drop the Handkerchief." ~ James Naismith

6) "Basketball is like war in that offensive weapons are developed first, and it always takes a while for the defense to catch up." ~ Red Auerbach

7) "If I weren't earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people on the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming." ~ Charles Barkley

8) "If you are going to take it to the bank, then you better cash it in." ~ Shannon Fish

9) "When it's played the way is spozed to be played, basketball happens in the air; flying, floating, elevated above the floor, levitating the way oppressed peoples of this earth imagine themselves in their dreams." ~ John Edgar Wideman

10) "It is most difficult, in my mind, to separate any success, whether it be in your profession, your family, or as in my case, in basketball, from religion." ~ John Woodel

11) "Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until your good is better and your better is best." ~ Tim Duncan

12) "Sometimes a player's greatest challenge is coming to grips with his role on the team" ~ Scottie Pippen

13) "There are really only two plays: Romeo and Juliet, and put the darn ball in the basket." ~ Abe Lemons

14) "Basketball is a game that gives you every chance to be great, and puts every pressure on you to prove that you haven't got what it takes. It never takes away the chance, and it never eases up on the pressure." ~ Coach Bob Sundvold

15) "My responsibility is getting all my players playing for the name on the front of the jersey, not the one on the back." ~ Author Unknown

16) "The idea is not to block every shot. The idea is to make your opponent believe that you might block every shot." ~ Bill Russell

17) "Basketball is the MTV of sports." ~ Sara Levinson

18) "When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team." ~ George Raveling

19) "You can run a lot of plays when your X is twice as big as the other guys' O. It makes your X's and O's pretty good." ~Paul Westphal

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Top 10 Unbreakable Sports Records

Top 10 Unbreakable Sports Records

Number 10 - Rocky Marciano's 49-0

Number 9 - Michael Schumacher's 7 championships

Number 8 - Ty Cobb's .366 career batting average

Number 7 - Nolan Ryan's 7 no-hitters

Number 6 - Wayne Gretzky's 215-point season

Number 5 - Wilt Chamberlain's 100-point night

Number 4 - John Wooden's 88 straight wins

Number 3 - Cy Young's 511 wins

Number 2 - Jerry Rice's 22,895 receiving yards

Number 1 - Cal Ripken's 2,632 consecutive games

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

AMAZING OLDE ROCK STARS - BANDS & GROUPS - DURAN DURAN - 1981 - LINCOLN CONVERT - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/181520.html

STRANGE AFRICAN ANIMALS - BLACK AND WHITE ANTEATER - MOM WITH BABY ON HER BACK - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/181572.html

STRANGE OLDE POLICE BICYCLE WITH SUN TOP - 1 - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/181608.html

STRANGE OLDE STAR PICTURES - GINGER SPICE ON OLDE WORD PROCESSOR MACHINE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181673.html

STRANGE SNOW FUN ON THE SLOPES - SKIERS CREATE STRANGE SNOW MONSTER IMAGE ON THE MOUNTAIN SIDE! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/181698.html

STRANGE WINTER SNOW DANGERS - HUGE SLABS OF SNOW SLIDE OFF 5 STORY BUILDING ROOF DOWNTOWN AND SMASH CARS PARKED ON STREET BELOW - PEDESTRIANS RUN! - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/181704.html

AFRICAN SAFARI DANGERS - HUGE CROCODILE WITH THE ENTIRE VILLAGE STANDING BEHIND IT! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/181710.html

THE WORLD'S STRANGEST & MOST DEADLY LAKES - LAKE NYOS - CAMEROON - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/181711.html

FARM FUN - HUGE HEN EGG !!!!! - HEN BACK IN COOP RECOVERING! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/181732.html

STRANGE SPORTS FANS - MLB MILWAUKEE BREWERS GOOFY BEER KEG HAT! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/181733.html

HOT AIR BALLOONING DANGERS - PEOPLE IN PORT-O-JOHNS ABOUT TO GET A REAL SURPRISE! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/181734.html

LADY GAGA - GOOFY SUNGLASSES - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/181735.html

STRANGE FAST FOOD FUN - THE GHOST OF KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN - COL SANDERS LIVES! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/181736.html

STRANGE OLDE PRODUCTS - FAMILY RADIATION SURVIVAL KIT $24.95! TELLS YOU WHEN IT IS SAFE TO LEAVE THE BOMB SHELTER! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/181737.html

OLDE POLICE STORIES - AMAZING WEAPONS CACHE - JOHN DILLINGER! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/181738.html

STRANGE MILITARY CAMOUFLAGE - FOREST - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/181743.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SS - BASEBALL - WORLD SERIES - ALL STAR GAME - PLAYERS

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/100019_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Toy Facts - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/181533.html

- 10 Bloodiest Battles of World War II - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/181721.html

- Top Ten Signs Your Team Won't Be Winning The NCAA Basketball Championship - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/106298.html

- Schools With Indian Names Affected by Morons at NCAA - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/109527.html

- NCAA College Quiz - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/24850.html

- The Strange History of 'Gentlemen' Baseball Umpires - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/143907.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SS - BASEBALL - WORLD SERIES - ALL STAR GAME - PLAYERS

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/109_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!
a

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

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VOL 1092 - March 07, 2012 - Guide to Strange Real Estate Terms

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

A Tribute to Strange Cars & Trucks From Around the World !

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_8268.html
STRANGE RELIGIOUS ITEMS AROUND THE WORLD - STRANGE JESUS & MADONNA IMAGES

http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/news_3048.html
ARE YOU READY FOR SPRING TRAINING - THE BEST MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL!

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/news_3732.html
STRANGE MILITARY EQUIPMENT - STEALTH - AIRPLANES - SHIPS - BLACK OPS

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/news_8262.html
STRANGE OLDE TRUCKS - THE WORK HORSES OF THE PAST!

http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/news_10681.html
DANGEROUS WEATHER - TORNADOES DEVASTATING ALL PARTS OF THE COUNTRY!

==================================

Quotes of the Day -

"No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office." - Covert Bailey

"If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people." - Jim Eason

"A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car." - Carrie Snow

"A waist is a terrible thing to mind." - Ziggy (Tom Wilson)

"I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine."- Rita Rudner

"Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry."- John Lennon (1940 - 1980)

"The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other." --Ronald Reagan

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Guide to Real Estate Terms

To spare others from dashed hopes, shattered dreams, and tired feet, here is a guide to familiar real-estate ad phrases.

Charming - Tiny. Snow White might fit, but five of the dwarfs would have to find their own place. See "Cute," "Enchanting," and "Good Starter Home."

Much Potential - Grim. Steer clear unless you have a lot of money and believe your blind dates really did have nice personalities. See "Ready to Rehab," and "Fixer Upper."

Unique City Home - Used to be a warehouse.

Hi-Tech/Contemporary - Lots of steel shelving with little holes - the kind your dad used to store tools on in the basement.

Daring Design - Still a warehouse.

Completely Updated - Avocado dishwasher and harvest gold carpeting or vice versa.

Sophisticated - Black walls and no windows. See "Architect's Delight."

One-Of-A-Kind - Ugly as sin.

Brilliant Concept - Do you really need a two-story live oak in your 30-foot sky dome? See "Makes Dramatic Statement."

Upper Bracket - If you have to ask . . .

You'll Love It - No, you won't.

Must See To Believe - An absolutely accurate statement.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

AMAZING OLDE ROCK STARS - BANDS - GROUPS - MADONNA MEETS THE PRESS 1982 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181509.html

STRANGE AFRICAN ANIMALS - 2 ELEPHANTS THREE WIDE! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/181570.html

STRANGE DEATH ROW PRISONER LAST MEAL REQUESTS - ANGEL NIEVES DIAZ - NADA! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/181588.html

JENNIFER LOPAZ SEXY EVENING GOWN - OSCARS - CAMERON DIAZ - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181662.html

AMAZING ARTILLERY IN ACTION IMAGE - GRAVEL FLIES! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/181676.html

STRANGE POLICE MUG SHOTS - STRANGE HAIRCUT - WRONG "TOP" PUT BACK ON - THE SMALL ONE INSTEAD OF THE LARGE ONE? - http://www.strangemedical.com/content/item/181677.html

MOVIE PUZZLE FUN - NAME THE 24 MOVIES DEPICTED IN THE PICTURE - ANSWERS ON THE BOTTOM - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/181678.html

STRANGE COINCIDENCE? "VAMPIRE" VANITY PLATE PARKED IN FRONT OF RED CROSS BLOOD SERVICE CLINIC! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/181679.html

SNOW FUN - AMAZING SNOWBOARD STUNT - SLIDES ENTIRE TUNNEL FACE! - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/181680.html

SPORTS DANGERS - INCREDIBLE SURFER SHOT AS HUGE WAVE SURGES AND BEGINS TO CURL OVER TOP - 30 FEET UP! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/181681.html

STRANGE CELEBRITY OSCAR FUN - THIS IS THE OUTSIDE SHELF AT THE MOBILE "IN-N-OUT FOOD TRUCK - OSCAR STATUES ABOUND! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181682.html

STRANGE TRAVEL DANGERS - HIKERS ON SCARY MOUNTAIN TRAIL FIND A HUGE BROKEN GAP! MUST USE MOUNTAIN CLIMBING SKILLS TO BRIDGE THE OPENING - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/181684.html

FARM AND RANCH FUN - HORSE GRABS BROOM AND CLEANS HIS OWN STALL! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/181685.html

STRANGE FLOATING MOTORBIKE POWERED PONTOONS - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/181686.html

STRANGE MENS HAIRCUTS - SPIKY SERPENT HEAD WITH REAL RAT TAIL TAIL! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/181687.html

STRANGE BICYCLE RACE FINISH - WINNER FLIPS OVER STARTER BOARD NEVER REMOVED! - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/181688.html

STRANGE TEMPLE UNEARTHED AFTER BEING BURIED FOR CENTURIES - FOUR STORIES TALL! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/181689.html

STRANGE RAINBOW COLORED LAMBORGHINI - WOW! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/181690.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - MOTORCYCLES - TRIKES - SIDECARS - CUSTOM - HARLEY'S - CHOPPERS - SCOOTERS - MOPEDS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100003_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

- Strange Business Facts - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/181532.html

- You Know You're Italian If... - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/25344.html

- You May Be From Canada If… - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/25585.html

- Strange English For Tourists - http://www.strangeytavel.com/content/item/103452.html

- You Know You're Norwegian When... - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/107314.html

- 9 Strange Traffic Tickets - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/179805.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SV - MOTORCYCLES - TRIKES - SIDECARS - CUSTOM - HARLEY'S - CHOPPERS - SCOOTERS - MOPEDS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/110_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

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VOL 1091 - March 04, 2012 - Children's Strange Thoughts on the Sea

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

A Tribute to Strange Cars & Trucks From Around the World !

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/news_10511.html
AMAZING AERIAL FARM FIELD VIEWS - CORN MAZES - PORTRAITS - COOL STUFF!

http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/news_10101.html
THE 30 WORST BASEBALL CARDS IN HISTORY

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/news_6868.html
STRANGE VTOL (VERTICAL TAKE OFF & LANDING) AIRCRAFT

http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/news_2352.html
STRANGE DATING - HOOKING UP - GOING OUT!

http://www.strangecollege.com/content/item/news_3049.html
TOP 7 CELEBRITY TATTOO'S - ALYSSA MILANO - ASIA ARGENTO - PAM ANDERSON - ANGELINA JOLIE - ANA BEATRIZ BARROS - JESSIE JANE - CHRISTINA AGUILERA

==================================

Isn't It Ironic?

The food stamp program, part of the Department of Agriculture, is pleased to be distributing the greatest amount of food stamps ever.

Meanwhile, the Park Service, also part of the Department of Agriculture, asks us to "please do not feed the animals" because the animals may grow dependent and not learn to take care of themselves.

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -)

Children's Strange Thoughts on the Sea

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

5) A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)

6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. And how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

12) On holidays my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her fat ass. (Jule age 7)

Start each day with a smile.... then pass it on!!!!!

When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt, then call me over!

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

AMAZING OLDE ROCK STARS - BANDS - GROUPS - ELVIS PRESLEY - SINGIN' HARD! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181507.html

NBA ACTION ! - BEST EVER BASKETBALL BLOCK GRAB TAKEAWAY! ACTION GIF - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181558.html

STRANGE DEATH ROW PRISONER LAST MEAL REQUESTS - MURDERER RONNIE LEE GARDNER - LOBSTER TAILS WATCHING LORD OF THE RINGS! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/181587.html

STRANGE MOUNTAIN BIKE CONTEST - BIKE RIDER ATTEMPTS TO "BITE" A DOLLAR BILL FROM SPECTATORS BEHIND! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/181634.html

STRANGE OLDE OFFICE FURNITURE - STANDARD TYPEWRITER MOUNTED IN EASY CHAIR WITH HEADSET FOR MUSIC OR INSTRUCTIONS! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/181635.html

STRANGE STEVE JOBS TOMBSTONE - SLIDE TO UNLOCK? - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181636.html

STRANGE MILITARY GEAR - AMAZING CAMOUFLAGE PARKA MAKES SOLDIER INVISIBLE AGAINST HILLSIDE! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/181637.html

POLICE RESCUE - LITTLE BOY CRAWL INTO TOY CLAW VENDING MACHINE TO FIND STUFFED ANIMALS! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/181638.html

STRANGE OCEAN PLAY PALS - WHALE BREACHES AND FLIPS DOLPHIN OFF NOSE - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/181639.html

F-15 CREATES STRANGE RAINBOW IN VAPOR TRAIL OVER WINGS - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/181640.html

CHINA TRAFFIC DANGER - MAN ON BICYCLE LUCKY WHEN TWO CARS CRASH AND FLAY PAST HIM ON BOTH SIDES! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181641.html

STRANGE TOY TRUCK BARBER CHAIR - LITTLE BOYS ENJOYS HIS FIRST HAIRCUT! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/181642.html

STRANGE CHILDS BEDROOM FURNITURE - BUNK BED OVER TOP HUGE SHARK WITH A SINK IN HIS OPEN JAWS! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/181643.html

STRANGE OLDE PROPELLER DRIVEN RAILROAD TRAIN - 1931 - 140 MPH! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/181644.html

STRANGE FARM DANGERS - LUCKY COW - NOTE BURN MARKS FROM LIGHTNING STRIKE! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/181645.html

STRANGE FARM TRACTOR RACING - ANYONE RECOGNIZE THIS? - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/181646.html

STRANGE TOURIST SIDE TRIP DANGERS - SIGHT SEEING BOAT IN VENICE CANAL BROADSIDE ROW BOAT! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/181647.html

STRANGE BUBBLE NOSE 707 MILITARY RADAR EARLY WARNING PLANE - 2 - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/181649.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - * STRANGE PEOPLE - Scary & Just Plain Dumb!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/31_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

The Strange Story of Female Gold Winning Runner Caster Semenya - Is She a HE???? - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/181531.html

The Strange Way Countries Got Their Names - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/145613.html

Strange Laws in Australia & Tasmania - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/143927.html

Strange Irish Toasts - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/141636.html

8 Strange Hangover Cures from Around the World - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/140194.html

Strange Celebrity Quotes - These People Are Role Models?????? - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/132110.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - * STRANGE PEOPLE - Scary & Just Plain Dumb!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/108_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html