Phun Stuff and Everything You Dislike

Mittwoch, 29. Juli 2009

Vol 820 - July 29, 2009 - The Official Moron Test

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

OVER 10,000 GREAT OLDE PICTURES AND IMAGES DATING BACK TO
THE FIRST PICTURES EVER TAKEN - HISTORY - WILD WEST - WORLD WARS
OLDE SPORTS - HEROES & VILLAINS - AUTOS & SHIPS - RAILROADS - A-BOMBS
WEAPONS - OLDE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT - OLDE ADVERTISING - OLDE MOVIE STARS
SILENT PICTURES - STARLETS - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - TRAVEL

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes:

"Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound." - Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange Street Food Farm

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious." - Alan Minter, Boxer

"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness." - Alicia Silverstone, Actress

"How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby." - Anonymous Manufacturer

"This is no longer a slum neighborhood. I haven't heard of a Cubs fan being shot in a long time." - Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL

"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails." - AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian

"Two grand slams in a week - man, that's seven or eight ribbies right there." - Bill Madlock, Baseball broadcaster

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." - Bill Peterson, football coach

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - The Official Moron Test

1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or no?

2. How many birthdays does the average man have?

3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?

4. How many outs are there in an inning?

5. Can a man in California marry his widow's sister?

6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get?

7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with?

8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an hour. How long will the pills last?

9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?

10. How many animals of each sex did Moses bring with him on the ark?

11. A butcher in the market is 5'10" tall. What does he weigh?

12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?

13. What was the President's name in 1960?

Here are the answers:

1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or No?
...Yes. It comes right after the 3rd.

2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
....One (1). You can only be born once.

3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?
....Twelve (12). All of them have at least 28 days.

4. How many outs are there in an inning?
... Six (6). Don't forget there is a top and bottom to every inning.

5. Can a man in California marry his widow's sister?
...No. He must be dead if it is his widow.

6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get?
.... Seventy (70). Thirty (30) divided by 1/2 is 60.

7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with?
.Two (2). You take two apples, therefore YOU have TWO apples.

8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an hour. How long will the pills last?
.....One hour. If you take the first pill at 1:00, the second at 1:30, and the third at 2:00, the pills have run out and only one hour has passed.

9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?
.... Nine (9). Like I said, all BUT nine die.

10. How many animals of each sex did Moses have on the ark?
..... None. I didn't know that Moses had an ark.

11. A butcher in the market is 5' 10 tall. What does he weigh?
.... Meat ... that is self-explanatory.

12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?
..Twelve (12). How many eggs are in a dozen? Twelve. It's a dozen.

13. What was the President's name in 1960?
..Georgw W. Bush. As far as I know, he hasn't changed his name.

So, how did we do?

13 correct.........GENIUS...you are good.

10-12 correct....ABOVE AVERAGE...but don't let it go to your head.

7-9 correct........AVERAGE...but who wants to be average?

4-6 correct..........SLOW...pay attention to the questions!

1-3 correct..........IDIOT...what else can be said?

0 correct......CONGRATULATIONS, you are a certified MORON!

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE SPORTS STARS TATTOOS! - USA OLYMPICS BOXER B. JONES - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/153676.html

STRANGE SPORTS STARS TATTOOS! - IRISH EQUESTRIAN TEAM - LOUISE LYONS - HORSE RUMP TATTOO! - OLYMPIC RINGS AND SHAMROCK! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/153682.html

MOTORCYCLE RACING DANGERS - RIDER HEAD DOWN! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/153695.html

RED HAIRED DANCE HALL GIRL ON MOTORCYCLE - 'CHOPPER" - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/153696.html

US SOLDIERS TAKE OVER SADDAM HUSSEINS PALACES IN IRAQ - BBQ ON THE PORCH! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/153716.html

COOL RAIN FOREST RAINBOW - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/153728.html

THE UNIVERSE! ALL OF IT - BE PATIENT - IT'S BIG! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/153729.html

STRANGE BIG WHEEL 'COUCH' BICYCLE - THEY'RE 10 FEET TALL! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/153730.html

STRANGE OLDE ELEPHANT AT THE ZOO - PICKPOCKETS! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/153734.html

STRANGE WOODEN MOTORCYCLE - CHOPPER HANDLE BARS - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/153736.html

SOLDIERS MARCHING - STRANGE UNIFORM MALFUNCTION - PANTS SPLIT! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/153735.html

STRANGE GOLDEN MULTILEVEL SHRINE IN INDIA - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/153737.html

STRANGE LAMBORGHINI - INSECTA - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/152573.html

STRANGE RELIGIOUS ITEMS AROUND THE WORLD - MADONNA IMAGE ON TURTLE SHELL? - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/152707.html

STRANGE OLDE PIXS - LIONS SINGING AT THE PIANO - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/153146.html

STRANGE CRITTERS - PORCUPINE - ALL BALLED UP! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/153189.html

STRANGE TOILETS - URINALS & BATHROOMS - SEASHELL URINAL - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/153220.html

STRANGE OLDE TINY AUTOS - 1963 TROJAN 200A - 3 - FRONT DOOR OPEN - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/153360.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SS - CHEERLEADERS & MASCOTS - COLLEGE - PRO SPORTS - NFL - NBA

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/100658_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

The Strange History of Silk Worms - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/153738.html

Strange News From Around the World - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/153739.html

Strange Felons: Five Historic Train Robberies - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/153615.html

Strange Felons: Five Historic Train Robberies - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/153615.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - ST - Strange Foreign Buildings, Art Museums, Structures

http://www.strangetravel.com/content/category/100584_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

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Sonntag, 26. Juli 2009

Vol 819 - July 26, 2009 - Strange Insights

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes of The Day:

"The telephone company is urging people to please not use the telephone unless it is absolutely necessary in order to keep the lines open for emergency personnel. We'll be right back after this break to give away a pair of Phil Collins tickets to caller number 95." - Los Angeles d. j. (after the February 1990 earthquake)

"Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock." - Ben Hecht

"Journalism consists largely in saying "Lord Jones died" to people who never knew Lord Jones was alive." - G. K. Chesterton

"I used to be Snow White, but I drifted." - Mae West

"I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean." - G. K. Chesterton

"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues." - Abraham Lincoln

"Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell." - Anonymous

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Idiot Instructions on Actual Products

Here are actual package instructions found by actual people on actual products.
==========================

ON TESCO'S TIRIMISU DESERT
"Do not turn upside down." (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING
"Product will be hot after heating."

ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON
"Do not iron clothes on body."

ON BOOTS CHILDRENS COUGH MEDICINE
"Do not drive car or operate machinery."

ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID)
"Warning: may cause drowsiness."

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE
"Warning keep out of children."

ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
"For indoor or outdoor use only."

ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR
"Not to be used for the other use."

ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS
"Warning: contains nuts."

ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS
"Instructions: open packet. Eat nuts."

ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."

ON A PACKET OF SUNMAID RAISINS
"Why not try tossing over your favourite breakfast cereal?"

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE MERCEDES BENZ - GULL WING DOORS AND JET ENGINES! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/152571.html

STRANGE RELIGIOUS ITEMS AROUND THE WORLD - JESUS FACE IN TREE TRUCK RINGS? - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/152685.html

STRANGE OLDE WEST GUNS AND RIFLES - BINOCULARS & BUGLE - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/153142.html

STRANGE CRITTERS - IT'S HUGE! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/153187.html

STRANGE TOILETS - URINALS & BATHROOMS - MUSICAL! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/153216.html

STRANGE HOT AIR BALLOON RACES - SPAIN - HUMPTY DUMPTY BALLOON UPSIDE DOWN! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/153325.html

STRANGE OLDE POLICE MUG SHOTS - 1942 - CHEST HAIR? - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/153502.html

NEW EXTRA WIDE STUDENT CHAIR FOR TODAY'S OVER WEIGHT KIDS! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/153561.html

STRANGE POLYNESIAN POLE FISHING - 5 - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/153565.html

STRANGE 'EASTER' CAVIAR - COLORED FISH EGGS! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/153570.html

STRANGE ALBINO ANIMALS - LOBSTER! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/153582.html

STRANGE JAPANESE CUSTOM TRUCKS & VANS - SUPER TALL! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/153594.html

TUPOLEV TU-95 - RUSSIAN "BEAR" BOMBER - STRANGE COUNTRA-ROTATING PROPELLERS - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/153605.html

MOTORCYCLE RACING DANGERS - MULTIPLE SPILLS & FLIPS! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/153606.html

FEDOR THE GIANT - RUSSIAN - 9 FT 3 IN TALL! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/153607.html

STRANGE RAILROAD TRACKS - UNIQUE PANORAMA - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/153608.html

STRANGE BUTTERFLY MOTH - LONG TONGUE IN FLOWER! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/153609.html

STRANGE RAINBOWS - ALASKA - ELIAS NATIONAL PARK - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/153610.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SF - G - INTERNATIONAL FARMS - FOREIGN FARMS - CROPS - ASIA - EUROPE

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/100750_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Police Stories From Around the World - Dumb Criminals - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/153238.html

Top 10 Strangest Male Sports Stars - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/153327.html

Strange Love Letters - James Joyce's Get's Record Price - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/153611.html

Strange Criminals - Millionaire Shoplifter on Most Wanted List - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/153612.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SF - G - INTERNATIONAL FARMS - FOREIGN FARMS - CROPS - ASIA - EUROPE

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/112_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

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Freitag, 24. Juli 2009

[b3ta] "Was Jacko murdered? And more importantly, why didnt we think of it first?"

This Week:
* VIDEO - Lots of knob gifs. Woo-hoo.
* QUIZ - Can YOU match the tagline to the film?
* CHALLENGE - Yes, thank you B3ta, more kittens

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "If the web is a cow
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | then B3ta is the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| Filet mignon. Moo"

B3ta email 388 - 24 July 2009

Missing the audiotape? Ask your newsagent!
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue388/

Sub: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Anti-sub: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: SPONSORED LINK
The Viral Factory write...

"Our latest offering for Samsung got roundly
booed by the internet when we released it so
we've re-cut it and are hoping for the best.
It's a not un-b3ta-esque gag, in that it's
plain daft, but we got stick because it's 'not
real'. Hopefully you lot will see things a bit
differently..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj1LOZXRt0Y

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on....
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other than mould in tea cups

>> Lots of cock gifs <<
"My computer with photoshop has just died
completely," writes 2 Can Chunder. "I'm starting
a new job in August so I've put all my
animations into one video and am now gonna take
a break from B3TA for a few weeks." This, THIS
is the spirit of B3ta. You will laugh.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/My_animations:2

>> Tedious swine flu gag <<
Tedious aka Tom Scott writes, "It's a cheap
joke, but nevertheless I present fluBay - for
all your antiviral needs. Since the National
Flu Pandemic Service has crashed on day one, I
figured this might be a good alternative."
http://www.flubay.co.uk

>> Bear-faced cheek <<
CCC returns to his favourite sport - baiting
the local paper's small ads with general
weirdness. This time he's selling "bits of
a bear"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Bear_faced_cheek

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: FRIDAY GAME
Taglinr

Can you match the tagline to the film? Your
Ginger Fuhrer and Question of the Week bloke,
Chthonicionic have made a quiz.
http://www.e4.com/game/taglinr/

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Banks

Last week we lazily turned a ranty email from
Rob into a instant question about banks.
Judging by the amount of steam let off in
reply, we've prevented 14 heart attacks and
saved the NHS thousands:
http://b3ta.com/questions/banks/

* CASHED - "I worked for a vehicle rental
company in a neglected area that meant the
owners were fanatical about security and not
leaving cash about. My manager was away, but
she'd given me a list of explicit instructions
for making the bank deposit that afternoon. I'd
almost forgotten, but I managed to lock up,
grab the cash and deposit bag and race to the
bank just in time. I went in, filled out the
deposit slip per the instructions on Florence's
note, and handed everything to a teller. She
seemed a little shaken up, I assumed because of
the large amount of cash involved. Anyway, she
handed me my bag back, and I noticed right away
that it seemed rather full, but not having any
idea what to expect I shrugged it off. I did
have to ask the teller for my note back: I
needed the office safe combination that was on
it. I left in a hurry - I was going camping for
the weekend with my girl - so I hopped in the
work car, zipped around the block, down the
alley, parked up and put the bag in the safe.
That done, I headed off into the wilds of Idaho
for a 4-day weekend. When I got back, Florence
was really pissed off! Apparently I had handed
the note to the teller along with the deposit
slip. The note said, among other things: PUT
ALL THE CASH IN THE DEPOSIT BAG! And: THIS IS
SERIOUS, DON'T MESS AROUND! As these
instructions were the only ones in all caps
(with CASH & SERIOUS underlined), the teller
had assumed I was robbing the bank. Some
$75,000, plus our original deposit, had spent
the weekend in our company safe. I had to give
a statement to the FBI..." (danalan)

* LASHED - "I travel with work and have to
submit my bank statements with my expense
claims (to show the exchange rate I got). My
friends know this, and so have taken to leaving
little notes on my account for the finance team
who review my claims, by depositing (very
small) amounts into my account with
inappropriate and offensive payment references.
Highlights so far include 20p paid in by one
friend, ostensibly for a "Colossal Dildo", 10p
for "Bum Fun", and a £1 total deposit split
over 10 instalments, which explained in detail
that the £1 was a loyalty discount from a local
S&M establishment - I believe he referred to it
as a "frequent flayer discount" (TheMagicDwarf)

* MASHED - "If you get a job as a cashier in a
bank don't, on your first day serving
customers, wonder what the button under the
counter just by your knees does. Or if you do,
try and remember what it was your manager told
you about it. Don't press it. And don't, when
you discover it doesn't seem to do anything,
press it again, and again, and again. An armed
response team WILL be called, and you WILL get
sacked." (mrgibbles)

>> This Week's Question <<
The Dark... Tell us your stories of noises and
bumps in the night, power cuts, blindfolds and
cinema fumbling:
http://b3ta.com/questions/darkness/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like made by people we hate

>> Nerdy knitting <<
An excellent use of the long winter evenings -
huge showcase of knitted science fiction and
comic characters plus a preposterous amount of
cuddly zombies.
http://electricbiscuitonline.blogspot.com/search/label/knitting

>> Kemp Folds <<
High-concept blog featuring the face of TV's
Ross Kemp folded multiple ways for your
appreciation.
http://kempfolds.blogspot.com/

>> Jackson at 40 fail <<
A 1995 Ebony Magazine article predicts what the
late King of Pop would look like in the year
2000. They could not be more wrong.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/soundman/3727433441/

>> The World Without Us <<
I can't imagine a world without me, sang
Echobelly. But this guy has imagined a world
not only without 90s indie kids but also the
rest of humanity. Here's a cheery timeline,
beginning our sudden mass extinction.
http://www.worldwithoutus.com/did_you_know.html

>> Porn Fail <<
Fun for all the family to enjoy when porno
shoots go wrong. Not safe for work - it doesn't
fail as porn by quite that much.
http://www.pornfail.com

>> Revenge crabs <<
Are you involved the acrimonious death of a
relationship right now? More importantly, are
you some sort of hate-filled misanthropist? If
so, you may want to deal with these guys and
give your ex an STD. Just bear in mind that the
best bit of splitting up is the make-up sex.
http://www.revengecrabs.com/

>> Drunk yoga <<
People practice yoga to enter into a state of
ultimate relaxation. Why bother, when simple,
wholesome booze has identical results - as
illustrated here?
http://eatliver.com/i.php?n=4573

>> 'Ultimate' pizza <<
Disgusting piles of ham, cheese and pineapple
on a monstrosity that's a pizza in name only.
The mayonnaise is what really turned our
stomachs though.
http://www.eatliver.com/i.php?n=4520

>> George & Lynn explained <<
Tabloid comic strips seem to be beamed from an
odd parallel universe. Blogger tries to crack
the code in the Sun's favourite scantily-clad,
wise-cracking 70s couple George & Lynn.
http://snurl.com/davestuckthisin

>> Twitterclock <<
Thanks to some rather pretty tech trickery, now
you don't have to stop reading tweets even to
check whether it's day or night. Just whether
you need to change your man-nappy.
http://www.timetweets.com/

>> Amazon is selling salvia <<
Not saliva - salvia, the MINDBENDING
PSYCHOACTIVE DRUG. Can this be legal or is it
some sort of web-based honeytrap? Will we be
thrown in jail for putting a little affiliate
linky widget on it? Only one way to find out...
http://tinyurl.com/md4tyw

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Because 320 pixels is all the width you need

>> Never Gonna Give Your Teen Spirit Up <<
Evergreen Astley hit mashed up with the Nirvana
classic, to surprisingly good results.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Rick_Astely_Nirvana_mashup

>> Beyonce dances to the Birdy Song <<
This is what the Independent Woman gets up to
on her hols in Torremolinos.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Beyonce_Dances_to_the_Birdy_Song

>> Tortoise sex face <<
We were all ready with the whimsical quips for
this clip, but such a prolonged close-up of the
squealing mouth of an orgasming tortoise begs
the question: is the cameraman having a wank?
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Tortoise_sex_face

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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Dr Peter File

Luckily he is not a paediatrician.
http://snurl.com/iamnotanonceipromise

-------------------------------------------------

: LOOK A LIKES
Garth Brooks VS Bruno

Funky2009 writes, "Doesn't Garth Brook's failed
alter-ego Chris Gaines from ten years ago look
uncannily like Sacha Baron-Cohen's Bruno?
Google image 'Chris Gaines' and see for
yourself."
http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=Chris%20Gaines

BTW: If you've got more look-a-likes then please
tell us.

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Movie Mashups Challenge

Last week we wanted you to redesign classic
film posters to fit another movie.

Your favourites included:

* BABE - given a classic 1920s Fritz Lang
makeover (Bela Lugosi's Dad)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9584927

* TITANIC - You thought it was safe to go back
in the water. It wasn't (Mighty Nibus)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9586487

* SNOW WHITE - Seven dwarves, and a grisly
head in a box (1.618...)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9586200

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/moviemashups/

>> New challenge: Kitten Sports <<
It's time for an old-style b3ta challenge, one
summed up perfectly in just two words: Kitten
Sports. Challenge suggested by SkUG.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/kittensports//

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* WHO WON'T MARRY ME? "Hey guys," greets
Nostrebor. "I got a mystery letter in the post.
I'd like to know who won't marry me and why? I
really am lovely." Anybody recognise the
hand-writing and able to solve this romantic
conundrum?
http://www.b3ta.com/links/344225

* DO FANS COOL THINGS DOWN? - Ben Skerry weighs
into the debate; "I'm not sure Wallilay is
right when he says that fans only cool by
aiding evaporation from the skin.

"His example of a server serves (ha!) as a good
illustration of why. If there is no movement of
air, the server will get hotter, as the
transfer of heat to the surroundings will be
impaired by the warmth of the air in its
immediate vicinity.

"Put simply, a fan will make sure that the warm
air surrounding the hot item is replaced with
cool air, increasing the transfer of heat from
the server to the air, cooling the server down."

* COMIC SANS THE WEB - "Yo yo," goes
funpackedshow. "You asked for a way to view the
internet all in comic-sans. I've sort of done
that (not very well) in the form of a
comic-sans-ifer bookmarklet." Hurrah! A
grateful world salutes you!
http://noveltybeard.co.cc/comicsans/

* KITTENWAR IN MOVIES - Thanks to emvee for the
heads-up that a Transformers 2 viral site is
purporting to sell the Kittenwar calendar
"though it says it's sold out." Messrs Lewry
and Ryan will no doubt be in touch with them to
secure more outlets for their quality,
kitten-based wares.
http://www.realeffingkittencalendars.com/

* HITLER - milov takes issue with a
Fuhrer-centred gag from last issue. "Mussolini,
not Hitler, was the Fascist dictator credited
with getting the trains to run on time. In
fact, the trains to the concentration (and
work) camps were hit with frequent and
prolonged delays." Hurrah!

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* CHEESEALADE - 'Eating tapas I had an
epiphany. A new toasty spreadable. Cheesalade.
Manchego cheese & Quince mixed in a jar. "It's
Spain, in a jar"' (@robmanuel)

* STALKR - "Some kind of Twitter search that
links celebrities to the locations of people
tweeting about them for more efficient
stalking." (@Noit)

* PLATES VS PAPER - "Is it more cost effective
to use real plates or to paper ones? Factors
such as: time, washing up liquid, tea towels,
breakage." (@greenycrimson)

BTW: The offical B3ta wife, Lucy, wants to know
if any B3tards can eat more than 7 Ferrero
Rocher in 1 minute. She thinks you can, but
that's the world record apparently.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:

This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Guy Incognito, Choc
Ice, Pew Pew Pew! Lasers!, mrmonkfish,
mranalog2000, Kirsty, The Coast Of Yemen, Posh
Girl, Lord Turkey Boy & witless999. Additional
linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlol via Ad7.

-------------------------------------------------

Ronseal Wood Preserver - does exactly what it
says on the tin.

No it doesn't. I've now got a flaccid cock that
looks like a twig.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

__._,_.___

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Mittwoch, 22. Juli 2009

Vol 818 - July 22, 2009 - Strange Instructions on Actual Products

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes of The Day:

"Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock." - Ben Hecht

"Journalism consists largely in saying "Lord Jones died" to people who never knew Lord Jones was alive." - G. K. Chesterton

"I used to be Snow White, but I drifted." - Mae West

"I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean." - G. K. Chesterton

"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues." - Abraham Lincoln

"Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell." - Anonymous

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Idiot Instructions on Actual Products

ON TESCO'S TIRIMISU DESERT
"Do not turn upside down." (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING
"Product will be hot after heating."

ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON
"Do not iron clothes on body."

ON BOOTS CHILDRENS COUGH MEDICINE
"Do not drive car or operate machinery."

ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID)
"Warning: may cause drowsiness."

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE
"Warning keep out of children."

ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
"For indoor or outdoor use only."

ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR
"Not to be used for the other use."

ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS
"Warning: contains nuts."

ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS
"Instructions: open packet. Eat nuts."

ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."

ON A PACKET OF SUNMAID RAISINS
"Why not try tossing over your favourite breakfast cereal?"

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE MERCEDES BENZ - GULL WING DOORS AND JET ENGINES! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/152571.html

STRANGE RELIGIOUS ITEMS AROUND THE WORLD - JESUS FACE IN TREE TRUCK RINGS? - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/152685.html

STRANGE OLDE WEST GUNS AND RIFLES - BINOCULARS & BUGLE - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/153142.html

STRANGE CRITTERS - IT'S HUGE! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/153187.html

STRANGE TOILETS - URINALS & BATHROOMS - MUSICAL! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/153216.html

STRANGE HOT AIR BALLOON RACES - SPAIN - HUMPTY DUMPTY BALLOON UPSIDE DOWN! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/153325.html

STRANGE OLDE POLICE MUG SHOTS - 1942 - CHEST HAIR? - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/153502.html

NEW EXTRA WIDE STUDENT CHAIR FOR TODAY'S OVER WEIGHT KIDS! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/153561.html

STRANGE POLYNESIAN POLE FISHING - 5 - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/153565.html

STRANGE 'EASTER' CAVIAR - COLORED FISH EGGS! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/153570.html

STRANGE ALBINO ANIMALS - LOBSTER! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/153582.html

STRANGE JAPANESE CUSTOM TRUCKS & VANS - SUPER TALL! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/153594.html

TUPOLEV TU-95 - RUSSIAN "BEAR" BOMBER - STRANGE COUNTRA-ROTATING PROPELLERS - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/153605.html

MOTORCYCLE RACING DANGERS - MULTIPLE SPILLS & FLIPS! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/153606.html

FEDOR THE GIANT - RUSSIAN - 9 FT 3 IN TALL! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/153607.html

STRANGE RAILROAD TRACKS - UNIQUE PANORAMA - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/153608.html

STRANGE BUTTERFLY MOTH - LONG TONGUE IN FLOWER! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/153609.html

STRANGE RAINBOWS - ALASKA - ELIAS NATIONAL PARK - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/153610.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SF - G - INTERNATIONAL FARMS - FOREIGN FARMS - CROPS - ASIA - EUROPE

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/100750_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Police Stories From Around the World - Dumb Criminals - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/153238.html

Top 10 Strangest Male Sports Stars - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/153327.html

Strange Love Letters - James Joyce's Get's Record Price - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/153611.html

Strange Criminals - Millionaire Shoplifter on Most Wanted List - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/153612.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SF - G - INTERNATIONAL FARMS - FOREIGN FARMS - CROPS - ASIA - EUROPE

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/112_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Sonntag, 19. Juli 2009

Vol 817 - July 19, 2009 - Strange English - Eight Words With Two Meanings

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes About Dogs

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. -- Robert Benchley

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. -- Rita Rudner

And nobody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. -- Franklin P. Jones

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. -- Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money. -- Joe Weinstein

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -- Groucho Marx

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Eight Words With Two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) ad
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family
Male: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

CIRCUS LION JUMPING THRU A HOOP - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/152956.html

MILITARY HELICOPTERS - SEA DUTY - RESCUE & RECOVERY - S-70B SEAHAWKS LANDING ON DECK - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/152969.html

STRANGE SPIDERS - ST ANDREWS CROSS SPIDER - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/153066.html

1931 BUCCIALI TAV-12 - REAR - DOUBLE SPARE TIRES - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/153178.html

RARE OLDE PICTURES OF THE BEATLES BEFORE THEY WERE FAMOUS! - RINGO ENTERS - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/153276.html

STRANGE HORSES - COLT DOES THE SPLITS ON FROZEN POND! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/153277.html

STRANGE HOT AIR BALLOON RACES - SPAIN - OLD LADY IN A SHOE! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/153315.html

STRANGE BUILDING ORNAMENTS & DESIGN - GARGOYLES! - 4 - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/153337.html

STRANGE OLDE TINY AUTOS - 1954 MIVALONI - ITALY - 1 - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/153358.html

STRANGE TENNIS COURTS - CLAY SURFACE vs. GRASS - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/153370.html

STRANGE TOMBS, CRYPTS AND RELIGIOUS BUILDINGS - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/153402.html

RUSSIAN NUKE MISSILE ATTACK SUBMARINE K-141 KURSK SUNK 8-13-00 - 118 CREW - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/153442.html

STRANGE FARM ANIMALS - COWS! - FRESH MILK IN THE HOUSE! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/153453.html

STRANGE FARM ANIMALS - COWS! - STRANGE COW RACE - WHO'S FIRST? - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/153471.html

STRANGE OLDE POLICE MUG SHOTS - 1942 & 1946 GOOFY FACE - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/153486.html

STRANGE STATION WAGON MODIFIED FOR RAILROAD TRACKS - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/153538.html

STRANGE MOTORCYCLE - WHITE KNIGHT RIDER! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/153543.html

STRANGE CUSTOM YACHT - COOL! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/152579.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SZ - STRANGE ALBINO ANIMALS - All Kinds - Big & Small

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/100905_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange News From Around The World - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/153236.html

Strange Polices Stories From Around the World - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/153237.html

Lost Wallet Returned After 63 Years! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/153260.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SZ - STRANGE ALBINO ANIMALS - All Kinds - Big & Small

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/110_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Freitag, 17. Juli 2009

[b3ta] "You know it's a good poo when you come back and your screensaver's on."

Diese Zusammenfassung ist nicht verfügbar. Klicke hier, um den Post aufzurufen.

Phun Stuff and Everything You Dislike

Mittwoch, 29. Juli 2009

Vol 820 - July 29, 2009 - The Official Moron Test

Sonntag, 26. Juli 2009

Vol 819 - July 26, 2009 - Strange Insights

Freitag, 24. Juli 2009

[b3ta] "Was Jacko murdered? And more importantly, why didnt we think of it first?"

Mittwoch, 22. Juli 2009

Vol 818 - July 22, 2009 - Strange Instructions on Actual Products

Sonntag, 19. Juli 2009

Vol 817 - July 19, 2009 - Strange English - Eight Words With Two Meanings

Freitag, 17. Juli 2009

[b3ta] "You know it's a good poo when you come back and your screensaver's on."

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