Vol 816 - July 15, 2009 - Strange Lists: If Men Ruled the World - Top 26

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

OVER 10,000 GREAT OLDE PICTURES AND IMAGES DATING BACK TO
THE FIRST PICTURES EVER TAKEN - HISTORY - WILD WEST - WORLD WARS
OLDE SPORTS - HEROES & VILLAINS - AUTOS & SHIPS - RAILROADS - A-BOMBS
WEAPONS - OLDE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT - OLDE ADVERTISING - OLDE MOVIE STARS
SILENT PICTURES - STARLETS - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - TRAVEL

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes:

"Epitaph for a dead waiter - God finally caught his eye." (George S. Kaufman)

"I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall." (Eleanor Roosevelt)

"Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them." (Joseph Heller)

"What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea." (Mahatma Ghandi) "It's not true I had nothing on. I had the radio on." (Marilyn Monroe, asked if she really had nothing on in a calendar photograph)

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - - If Men Ruled the World - Top 26 List

IF MEN RULED THE WORLD: TOP 26 LIST

1. Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

2. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

3. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

4. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

5. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.

6. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

7. "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

8. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

9. It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

10. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

11. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

12. Garbage would take itself out.

13. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

14. Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

15. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

17. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.

18. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

19. "COPS" would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

20. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".

21. The candle shops in the mall would sell candles that smell like whiskey and beer.

22. Women would have to obtain a license before wearing spandex or short shorts (sorta like conceal carry laws).

23. Women suffering from PMS would be required to wear a burka.

24. Gun racks would be standard on all American cars.

25. There would be a device that automatically raised and lowered toilet seats.

26. 2006 Cloning Act:"Only Jessica Alba may be cloned."

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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STRANGE RELIGIOUS ITEMS AROUND THE WORLD - JESUS IN SONOGRAM? - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/152693.html

WORLD'S FIRST WOMAN POLICE OFFICER - 1873 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/152813.html

STRANGE TORNADOES & WATERSPOUTS - SUNLIGHT! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/152997.html

STRANGE SPIDERS - GOLIATH BIRD EATING SPIDER - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/153060.html

STRANGE CHINESE ARMY MILITARY TROOP TRAINING - FINGER PUSH UPS WITH BRICKS! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/153080.html

STRANGE OCEAN GOING EQUIPMENT - TUGBOATS AND SALVAGE VESSELS - STRANGE BOW ON SHOT - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/153098.html

STRANGE OCEAN GOING EQUIPMENT - JAHRE VIKING - WORLDS LARGEST SHIP AFLOAT! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/153102.html

STRANGE STORM CHASER VEHICLES - TORNADO HUNTER - 1 - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/153116.html

STRANGE OLDE WEST GUNS AND RIFLES - STRONG BOX & HAND CUFFS - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/153127.html

STRANGE OLDE PIXS - MERMAID MAID! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/153145.html

STRANGE PIERCED NOSE GEAR - INDIAN CHIEF - HEINEKEN BOTTLE OPENER & BOTTLE CAP NECKLACE - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/153147.html

STRANGE SWIMMING AND DIVING - SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMERS DIVE IN! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/153156.html

1949 DELAHAYE 175 ROADSTER - SIDE FENDER SKIRTS - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/153166.html

STRANGE CRITTERS - LONG RINGED TAIL - BIG NOSE - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/153181.html

STRANGE TOILETS - URINALS & BATHROOMS - TINY TOILET PAPER EARRINGS - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/153206.html

STRANGE TOILETS - URINALS & BATHROOMS - BRASSY - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/153215.html

STRANGE GUITARS & MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS - 42 STRING PIKASSO - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/153226.html

STRANGE DANGEROUS MOTORCYCLE & AUTO STUNTS - "WELL OF DEATH" - 'HELL' DRIVERS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/153233.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SF - F - FARM WEATHER - WIND - STORMS - SNOW - TORNADOES - FLOODS - DROUGHT

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/100749_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

What Are the Most Expensive Tire Rims in the World? - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/153120.html

Strange But True Facts - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/153121.html

Strange Fish in Lake Malawi, Namibia - Africa - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/153234.html

Strange Allergy & Hay Fever Cure - SEX! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/153235.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - Strange Products - Gimmicks - Items - Inventions

http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/category/100475_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

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Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 815 - July 12, 2009 - Strange Astrological Signs & Light Bulbs

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

OVER 10,000 GREAT OLDE PICTURES AND IMAGES DATING BACK TO
THE FIRST PICTURES EVER TAKEN - HISTORY - WILD WEST - WORLD WARS
OLDE SPORTS - HEROES & VILLAINS - AUTOS & SHIPS - RAILROADS - A-BOMBS
WEAPONS - OLDE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT - OLDE ADVERTISING - OLDE MOVIE STARS
SILENT PICTURES - STARLETS - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - TRAVEL

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes:

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see it shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded. - Tim Allen

Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code.....he turned himself in. - Rita Rudner

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. - George Carlin

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked... - Bill Cosby

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms." - Elayne Boosler

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Astrological Signs & Light Bulbs

BRIGHT SIGNS!

How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb?

ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it?

TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.

GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done!

CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grieving process.

LEO: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the
job for them while they're out.

VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- one millionth.

LIBRA: Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you?

SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the
Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.

SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

CAPRICORN: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.

AQUARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so....

PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb?

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE MONKEY - GOLD LANGUR - PEACOCK ISLAND, INDIA - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/152891.html

STRANGE OLDE PIXS - ARCHEOLOGIST EXAMINES KING TUTS COFFIN - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/152893.html

STRANGE JAPANESE TOY FAD - OBAMA SAMURAI ACTION FIGURE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/152894.html

SEARS TOWERS STRANGE NEW SCARY OBSERVATION WINDOW - CHICAGO, ILL - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/152895.html

AMAZING F-22 RAPTOR PHOTO - EXACT MOMENT IT BREAKS THE SOUND BARRIER! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/152896.html

STRANGE TOY CAR ACCIDENT - THE LITTLE KIDS FIRST DUI? - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/152897.html

STRANGE BUILDING COLLAPSE IN SHANGHAI - 9 PEOPLE ARRESTED! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/152898.html

STRANGE "PAC-MAN" YACHT - AMAZING! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/152902.html

THEODORE ROOSEVELT & JOHN MUIR - GREAT CONSERVATIONISTS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/152905.html

STRANGE RUSSIAN STEALTH MILITARY BOMBER - SUKHOI - PAK-FA - 3 PIXS - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/152947.html

LEOPARD AND WATER BUFFALO FIGHT! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/152953.html

STRANGE SINKHOLE SWALLOWS ROAD & PARKING LOT - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/152973.html

STRANGE OCEAN SAILING - ROLEX REGATTA RACING - 5 - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/152988.html

STRANGE TORNADOES & WATERSPOUTS - MULTIPLE WATERSPOUTS! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/152994.html

STRANGE IRISH PUB - BAR - CAFE - EVERYTHING! THEY NEED MORE SIGNS! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/153004.html

STRANGE CAMOUFLAGE TANKS - SPECIAL OUTER COVERINGS - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/153007.html

A DAY AT THE DRAG RACES! - ENGINE FIRE - EXPLOSION - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/153047.html

STRANGE LIGHTNING STRIKE - CASTLE TOWER - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/152998.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - MICHAEL JACKSON - JANET - THE WACKO JACKSON FAMILY

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/71_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Golf Commentary- David Feherty & Gary McCord - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/152829.html

The World's Most Expensive Celebrity Divorces! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/153117.html

How Much Is the World's Most Expensive Chess Set? - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/153118.html

What Was the Most Expensive Private Musical Performance in the World? - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/153119.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - STEALTH - AIRPLANES - SHIPS - SECRET EQUIPMENT - BLACK OPS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/100686_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

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[b3ta] "SUBJECT LINE CANCELLED DUE TO LACK OF CELEBRITY FATALITIES"

This Week:
* VIDEO - Knut's tribute to Jacko
* DAILY MAIL - What should you be scared of now?
* CHALLENGE - Draw Hitler

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"

B3ta email 386 - 10 Jul 2009

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue386/

Submarine: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubmarine: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
LONDON By Charlie Dark

A kaleidoscopic rundown of the city, as seen
through the eyes of Producer/DJ Charlie Dark
and his fellow visionaries.
http://w00tpublishers.wootmedia.net/delivery/ck.php?zoneid=1023

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Vaginas, Jacko & The Daily Fail

>> He bite my vagina <<
"Hi mate," beams a bullish Joel Veitch. "We
made a musical remix mashupy thing of that lady
whose dog bit her in the vagina." BTW: Have we
ever mentioned we once woke up with our cat
licking our penis?
http://www.rathergood.com/bite

>> Kunt's tribute to Jacko <<
We love Kunt & The Gang, his name alone makes
us fans. He has zilch chance of mainstream
acceptance as you can't even say his name
without offending. Indeed, checking his website
the only press he appears to get is in rubbish
porn mags like Fiesta, oh, and us of course.
His latest creation is a personal take on the
death of MJ. Please stick with it as it's
rather wonderful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wphWwW8npEY

>> Dailymail fear mash-up <<
Last week we asked for you to make, "Doomwatch
- a site which counts fear words eg 'Swine
Flu', 'Terrorism'... from the day's news and
charts what to be most scared of today." Tinlad
answered our prayer, "Doomwatch pulls in the
news feed from the Daily Mail, counts the fear
words, and lets you know exactly what you
should be worrying about today, with convenient
graphical representations of the size of the
bricks you should be shitting," he explains.
You can also point it at other news sites of
your choice.
http://www.mydarkmaterials.co.uk/doom/

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Tramps

Last week we asked for your hobo stories. Go
on, go laugh at the unfortunates. Then feel a
bit bad after reading Evil Lu's nice list of
things you can do to help. Then laugh again to
make yourself feel better. We know you too well:
http://b3ta.com/questions/tramps/

* EL DUDERINO - "Key West, 2001. I met The Dude.
He was the absolute dead ringer for Lebowski. He
looked like Jeff Bridges, he sounded like Jeff
Bridges. He was a fucking rock star. I sat and got
as high as a fucking kite with him and his hobo
friends: The man who made hats out of palm leaves
and looked like he was carved out of mahogany;
the man gave out cards for the strip club; and
the man who hustled tourists at pool. I supplied
the booze, they supplied the dope. The Dude didn't
even get pissed off with me when I asked him if
he'd seen The Big Lebowski, "Man, do I look like
I own a video player? Where would I even plug
it in?" Later on, I was sat on the edge of a wall,
looking over the water watching the famous Key
West sunset, when I heard, "Scarpe! Dude! Good
to see you, man!" being yelled at me. From the
water. As The Dude went sailing past in a bath
tub with an outboard motor attached to the back,
waving at me like a mad man. Dude, I salute you,
you were fucking awesome. May your bath float on
forever." (scarpe)

* BRUCE LEE - "I was standing on the escalator
to the tube behind a traditional, 'fun'-type
tramp, with matted ginger hair down to his waist.
In front of him were two Japanese teenagers.
They had matching yellow rucksacks on so they
must have been on some kind of school trip.
The tramp started going, "Arr soor! Aaaar soooor,
I'm Bruce Lee!" and karate chopping the air.
I was cringing at this basic, racist humour,
until one of the boys turned around, waggled
his fingers at him and said, "Arr soooor! I'm
Mick Hucknall." (browser)

* ROGER HODGSON - "I walked past a homeless guy
and he started singing 'when I was young I
thought that life was so logical...' I said,
'That's supertramp.' He said 'Thanks very
much.'"
(dolly gobshite)

>> This Week's Question <<
Gyms are evil places dedicated to extracting
fat, sweat... and your cash. Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/gyms/

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: SPONSORED LINKY-POOS NUMBER TWOS
Model for POLICE. Go on. Give it a try

Style brand POLICE are famous for their print
advertisements. Previously they've used David
Beckham wearing their sunglasses whilst covered
in baby oil, and this year they want to use
YOU. Yes, dear internet, they want YOU to
upload a photo of your lovely self and you
might be picked to be the face of their
campaigns for 2010. The site is actually
quite fun in a hot-or-not kind of way, and
they're looking for people who look "unique"
so a few b3tans in the mix might do the trick.
http://www.police-beyounique.com/Faces/Faces.aspx

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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Crap magazine top tips <<
Beyond parody really - here's a collection of
real top tips found in the pikey magazines like
Chat. Frankly we think the mags are taking the
piss and run them for a laugh anyway. Best one?
"Don't like chocolate? Try my 'cheese eggs'.
Simply roll Babybels into an egg shape and
serve. Delicious." BTW: If any readers (Hello
CCC) fancy making some up and trying to get 'em
printed then we'd love to hear about it.
http://heroofswitzerland.blogspot.com/search/label/Top%20Tips


>> The Annotated Weekender <<
The Guardian's Weekend magazine is the glossy
bit that you traditionally read in a local cafe
on Saturday morning whilst planning an exciting
weekend ahead. This week you and your partner
should competitively scribble on it and see if
you can out-amuse these guys. Something to do
anyway.
http://theannotatedweekender.blogspot.com/

>> Babes of the BNP <<
Great idea for an article - find some
ever-so-slightly-gammy lady members of the BNP
and interview them about their abhorrent views.
Actually, we think the BNP provide a useful
service - they're a minority that the
middle-classes can give a good kicking to
without feeling guilt, much like how council
folk love nothing better than setting fire to a
paedophile. More self-selecting groups that
it's ok to hate please; it's what comedy needs.
http://www.viceland.com/wp/2009/07/babes-of-the-bnp/

>> Photoshopping black people <<
Advertising imagery sometimes needs to reflect
cultural diversity but if the designer hasn't
got an appropriate photo to hand, photoshop can
be used to place a black person in shot.
Witness the magic when cultural awkwardness
meets technical cack-handedness. There's lols
in them there hills.
http://snurl.com/werenotracistwerejustcrap

>> Bing vs Google <<
You have to hand it to Microsoft - they don't
give up. They've been completely shit at search
for years but finally they produce Bing, and
it's OK. It's no game-changer but if they force
enough people to use it by embedding it into
Internet Explorer etc. then they've got a
chance of maybe... not beating Google. But
certainly Yahoo should be worried. Or so
current received wisdom says - and yet when we
use this tool to compare them side by side -
for our money - Google is still the clear
winner. It's the extras like folding in the
news search that really make it for us.
However, try for yourself. It's fun sticking
your own name in anyway.
http://www.bing-vs-google.com/?q=%22rob+manuel%22

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: US EDITION OF JOKE BOOK ANNOUNCED
Don't all flock to the shops at once

About a year ago a publisher got in touch
asking to republish the joke book in America -
largely for the book club market. A side-effect
of this, is that it's now available for the
first time on Amazon.com. However they've
changed the title (which I quite like) and the
cover (not so sure about.) Anyway, it's all a
bit odd writing this up as I haven't even seen
a real copy, and only know that it's finally
for sale because it came up in a Google search.
But there you go. Buy it, America. Buy it now.
http://snurl.com/everytimeyouclickafairydies

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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Rainstorm kitten

B3tan Kim found this poor, little mite sitting
in the gutter in the pouring rain. If you live
in Shanghai and are looking for a cat... this
could be your lucky day.
http://www.olivepixel.com/misc/kitten/

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like TV but smaller and with no remote control

>> Augmented reality <<
Bloody hell. This is the future! Hold your
iPhone up and this app'll stick little labels
on the view to direct you to the nearest Tube
station. It's like being the Terminator -
freaking awesome!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fZk0HaIs4s

>> How to open a banana <<
Not funny, just useful. We've been doing it
wrong our whole lives. Sigh. All those wasted
years...
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Ive_been_doing_it_wrong

>> Henry Rollins techno <<
The great man's anti-techno rant remixed into
dance music. Also features the inspiring
choreography of Techno Viking.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jf13MmZIcLs

>> Fly-powered plane <<
Bearded inventor chap finds a way to make a
fly... fly. By supergluing it to a tiny model
plane. Erm...
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Fly_powered_plane

>> Michael Jackson interview <<
Fry and Laurie's Michael Jackson interview from
yesteryear. The great man answers questions
from his critics and performs his latest single.
http://b3ta.com/links/A_rare_interview_with_Michael_Jackson

>> Duke Nukem's Disease <<
Touching documentary about a man whose motor
skills are those of a character from a first
person shooter game. Maybe one day there will
be a cure.
http://b3ta.com/links/FPS_disease_is_a_terrible_affliction

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Actually a name for once, rather than a cock

* SNAPPY SNAPS - Andrew writes, "I found this
interestingly-named photographer's on London
Road in Sheffield." Bet this guy is great at
taking the money shot.
http://naxtek.com/general/smp.jpg

* MIS-USING GPS - Kudos to mrkeithmartin who,
using his GPS watch managed to draw this
impressive route on the satellite map. Ah, back
to the cocks.
http://connect.garmin.com/activity/6033208

-------------------------------------------------

: BONUS B3TARDS
More stuff made by our webby chums

* JEREMY CLARKSON IN A MICROWAVE - Short but
satisfying outing for Cyriak.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Jeremy_Clarkson_in_a_microwave

* ENJOYABLE SPOOF NEWS SITE - yeah yeah, we
know. But Duncan McKenzie actually made us
laugh - a rare enough occurrence.
http://dailyweek.com/

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Pirates Challenge

Last week we had a one-word challenge: Pirates.

Your favourites included:

* PIRATES - that bit at the beginning of films,
in reality (sepang)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9557682

* PI RAT - does what it says on the tin more
precisely than anything, ever (VieuxConAigri)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9557275

* PARITY - USB pirate parrot pun (Captn
Hood-Butter)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9557630

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/pirates/

>> New challenge: Draw Hitler <<
This week we're are ordering a drawing
competition. You must use pens, pencils,
crayons, blood, anything really, but you have
to draw Hitler.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/drawingsofhitler/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* SICKINEWS - "I put this together in response
to your last newsletter," explains
Linusmartensson. "It throws whatever words are
Capitalized in a news title into a search query
and burps out the top result from sickipedia."
It's a little random but the better for that.
http://secretweb.org/sickinews

* IMAGINE DAWKINS - "You said you wanted a Richard
Dawkins version of 'Imagine'," blames Fat Boab.
"Well, here it is. With added Hawkings."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReFRV94YAr8

* IS 9.5HRs NETBOOK FOR REAL? - last week we
promised we'd test this out, we took it on a
train up north and it managed the 3hrs up and
the 3hrs back just fine, but was just about
running out by the end. So we reckon 6.5hrs is
a more likely estimate considering ordinary use
of some internet, some video watching and some
word processing. Still, not bad - certainly
longer than any other laptop we've used. Linky
goes to Amazon should you have a spare £300 you
want to spunk in Amazon's clicky face.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B001UE8LAG/b3ta-21


-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* TWHITLER.COM - a slice of Twitter than only
displays mentions of Hitler - they're often
rather interesting. A current peek reveals the
great quote, "without Hitler, there'd be no
british comedy"
http://search.twitter.com/search?q=Hitler


* PEOPLE DRESSED AS HITLER.COM - mainly as
we've just started typing Hitler into search
engines and look what's popped out: a lovely
young lady who we'd like to get to Third Reich
with.
http://snurl.com/hitlerbabyonemoretime

* CAN'T THINK OF A THIRD HITLER SITE - so over
to MadAdamUk who suggests, "As summer is coming
up, could some b3ta boffin figure out which
solution is more efficient in terms of cooling
AND energy bills; An average tower fan on all
day or a portable air-con unit for say 3-4
hours over the course of a day."

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by via Coin Operated
Boy, Occulus, Beejay, RBF esquire, Mme Bing .
Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subyline via barryheadwound.

-------------------------------------------------

SICKIPEDIA:

The keen-eyed will noticed that Sickipedia as
attracted its first advertiser. In four years
nobody, but nobody would touch it with a shitty
stick. Despite being a popular site - approx 6
million page views per month - people are wary
of associating their products with bad taste
jokes.

So welcome Jamrags.com - a clothing company
that understands that it's just a bunch of
jokes. Well they should, as their business
model is to stick similarly offensive slogans
on their own t-shirts.

BTW: We're wondering if Prince Harry is a fan
of Sickipedia? A recent Daily Mail quotes a
friend of TV presenter Caroline Flack as
saying, "Harry is very funny and texts her
jokes all the time from an internet site he's
found."

Anyway. You want a joke - props to Milenko for
this pithy one-liner, "RAPE. Small word, long
sentence."
http://www.sickipedia.org/

__._,_.___

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Vol 814 - July 08, 2009 - Strange Facts From Fly-over Country for East & West Coast Elite Snobs

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

OVER 10,000 GREAT OLDE PICTURES AND IMAGES DATING BACK TO
THE FIRST PICTURES EVER TAKEN - HISTORY - WILD WEST - WORLD WARS
OLDE SPORTS - HEROES & VILLAINS - AUTOS & SHIPS - RAILROADS - A-BOMBS
WEAPONS - OLDE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT - OLDE ADVERTISING - OLDE MOVIE STARS
SILENT PICTURES - STARLETS - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - TRAVEL

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes:

"If you're there before it's over, you're on time." - James Walker

"Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs." - Miss Piggy

"Never drink black coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake all afternoon." - Jilly Cooper

"Never purchase beauty products in a hardware store." - Miss Piggy

"Drugs have nothing to do with the creation of music. In fact, drugs are dumb and self-indulgent. Kind of like sucking your thumb." - Courtney Love

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Facts From Fly-over Country for East & West Coast Elite Snobs

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross into states such as Oklahoma, Kansas, and Nebraska, the Tourism Councils in those states have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter the states.

1. That slope-shouldered farm body did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we shot Bambi, we got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped...by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us when a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13 inch trout you fish for - "bait".

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an Idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That's right, whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

11. So, you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use four weeks a year.

12. Let's get it straight. We have one stop light in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too - and turtle. Your really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 69 goes two ways. State Road 24 goes the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.

19. That Officer, be it Conservation Officer, sheriff deputy, city police, or highway patrol that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot - his name is "Sir".

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE HORSE RACE - HORSE VS BICYCLE RACERS! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/151893.html

STRANGE BIRDS, FOWL AND FEATHERS! - COLORFUL BIRD FINDS A SCORPION FOR LUNCH! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/151944.html

THE FABULOUS 50'S - FROM FLATHEADS TO FINS! - 1956 STUDEBAKER - GOLDEN HAWK - 2 DR - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/152206.html

STRANGE SAINA HOUSE MODEL - LONG STEPS - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/152367.html

STRANGE WORLD OF LIZARDS - A CREEPING TOM! - HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE? - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/152523.html

STRANGE ALPHABET VIA GOOGLE EARTH! ALL NATURAL - (SORT OF) - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/152527.html

OLDE PIXS - BRUCE WILLIS - ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER & SYLVESTER STYLONE! - YOUNG! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/152796.html

THE WORLDS FIRST SURVIVING AERIAL PHOTOGRAPH - BOSTON FROM A BALLOON 1860 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/152811.html

STRANGE HILL OF CROSSES IN LITHUANIA - 1 - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/152145.html

SURFING DANGERS! - HUGE WAVES - BIG THRILLS - BIG WIPE OUTS! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/151880.html

STRANGE CROWDED BEACH IN S. KOREA - 2 - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/152329.html

STRANGE "THUNDERCAT" INFLATABLE BOAT RACES - NEW ZEALAND - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/152659.html

STRANGE CUSTOM SUBMARINE (SUPER FALCON) FOR SUPER YACHT MALTESE FALCON - MINI VERSION - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/152665.html

STRANGE BIRDS, FOWL AND FEATHERS! - STRANGE PALS - KITTEN AND PARAKEET! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/151950.html

STRANGE MERCEDES BENZ SLR - GOLD TRIM! - SIDE VIEW - DOOR OPEN - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/152569.html

STRANGE MERCEDES BENZ - CROCODILE PAINT JOB! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/152572.html

STRANGE BIRDS, FOWL AND FEATHERS! - STRANGE LITTLE OWL FAMILY! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/151948.html

ROLL ROYCE CABRIO CONVERTIBLE - SIDE VIEW - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/152298.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - RAILROAD TRAINS - LOCOMOTIVES - TRACKS - ACCIDENTS - ENGINEERS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100637_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Famous Firsts of the 1920's - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/152816.html

Idiot Questions Why Luke Air Force Base Pilots Make So Much Noise - Amazing Response! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/152849.html

Strange Famous Firsts of the 2000's - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/152817.html

Adult Learning Center - Summer Classes for Women - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/152826.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - STRANGE RELIGION PICTURES - MOSLEM - HINDU - CATHOLIC - JEW - PROTESTANT

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/100284_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 813 - July 05, 2009 - Strange Hospital Chart Notations

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

OVER 10,000 GREAT OLDE PICTURES AND IMAGES DATING BACK TO
THE FIRST PICTURES EVER TAKEN - HISTORY - WILD WEST - WORLD WARS
OLDE SPORTS - HEROES & VILLAINS - AUTOS & SHIPS - RAILROADS - A-BOMBS
WEAPONS - OLDE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT - OLDE ADVERTISING - OLDE MOVIE STARS
SILENT PICTURES - STARLETS - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - TRAVEL

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes About Children and Parenting:

Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. (David Frost)

Any astronomer can predict with absolute accuracy just where every star in the universe will be at 11.30 tonight. He can make no such prediction about his teenage daughter. (James T. Adams)

Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla. (Jim Bishop)

Children really brighten up a household - they never turn the lights off. (Ralph Bus)

There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus. (Bob Phillips)

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up.' (Joe Namath)

There are three ways to get something done; do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it. (Mona Crane)

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Hospital Chart Notations

Strange Hospital Chart Notations

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The skin was moist and dry.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

The patient was prepped and raped in the usual manner.

Examination reveals a well-developed male laying in bed with his family in no distress.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

She is numb from her toes down.

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

While in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE LIMOUSINES - QUEEN OF ENGLAND - 1959 CADILLAC FLEETWOOD 'BUBBLE TOP' ARRIVES AT AIRPORT- QUEEN ELIZABETH & PHILIP - CANADA TOUR - JUNE 1959 - 2 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/152126.html

STRANGE BIRDS, FOWL AND FEATHERS! - COOL RED, GREEN AND BLUE BIRD - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/151943.html

STRANGE STREAMLINED PROPELLER DRIVEN SEDAN - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/151735.html

1903 WORLD SERIES - SOUVENIR CARD - BOSTON AMERICANS vs PITTSBURG PIRATES - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/152238.html

DANGEROUS SPORTS - MOTORCYCLE RACING! - DIRT TRACK CHAOS - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/152272.html

STRANGE CASTLE ON THE SHORELINE - WHAT A VIEW! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/152370.html

RICH BOY'S TOYS - STRANGE EXPENSIVE SPORTS CAR - BACK RACK FOR CHAMPAGNE! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/152568.html

STRANGE "THUNDERCAT" INFLATABLE BOAT RACES - NEW ZEALAND - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/152650.html

STRANGE OPTICAL ILLUSION - THE BLUE COLOR IS ACTUALLY GREEN! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/152669.html

STRANGE RELIGIOUS ITEMS AROUND THE WORLD - STRANGE MADONNA IMAGE ON BUILDING WINDOW - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/152679.html

STRANGE EURO FIGHTER JET! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/152732.html

STRANGE LITTLE CHINESE ELECTRIC CAR - 2009 - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/152736.html

STRANGE SAILBOAT AT SEA TRYING TO DODGE HUGE WINDMILLS! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/152738.html

STRANGE RECLINING BIG FOOTED BUDDHA - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/152740.html

STRANGE WILD FIRE WHIRLS AND MINI TORNADOES! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/152742.html

STRANGE RUSSIAN MILITARY JET - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/152744.html

STRANGE OLDE PIXS - MARYLAND - DOME GAS STATION 1926 - NOTE $.23 GAS PRICE! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/152746.html

LIGHTNING STRIKES GIANT JESUS STATUE IN BRAZIL - CORCOVADO MOUNTAIN PEAK - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/152747.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SF - B - FARM BUILDINGS - BARNS - SILOS - CHICKEN COOPS - STABLES

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/100745_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Use of Insects in Wars Throughout History - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/152277.html

Strange 'ONE-LINERS' - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/152626.html

Strange Famous Firsts of the 1930's - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/152815.html

The Strange Story of Abandoned Schoolhouse in Calgary, Albert - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/152818.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SF - G - FARM ANIMALS - CRITTERS - GOOD & BAD - RABBITS - BUNNIES - FOX - COYOTE - MISC.

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/100758_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "Thatcher - Hurry up and die so we can have a new image challenge"

This Week:
* ANIM - Jacko's secret basement
* READ - Emails from an asshole
* VID - "I'm pissing on your car"

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're shitting
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| glass... together"

B3ta email 385 - 3 Jul 2009

Proofread this issue:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue385/

Daddy: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
'Uncle': b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
9.5hrs Battery life netbook

Haven't got an ad this week - buggeration - so
thought we'd link to Amazon to get some
referral pennies. Here's the netbook we've just
ordered, seduced by a 'wisdom of crowds' theory
that we'd just get the one that's selling the
best at the moment. If it lives up to its
promises of 9.5hrs battery life, it'll be
fantastic. Next week we'll report back on
whether it's a sack of shit or not.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B001UE8LAG/b3ta-21

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Jacko, Piss and God

>> Michael Jackson's secret basement <<
What ghastly secrets lie hidden in Wacko
Jacko's mouldering cellar? Brian Mung
investigates.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Michael_Jacksons_secret_basement

>> Grey Bloke finds God <<
The monochrome net-nerd seeks religious
reassurance from an online preacher, with mixed
results. A tale told by madridiot, full of
sound and fury and signifying.. uh, something.
http://snurl.com/grey_blokey

>> I'm pissing on your car <<
Ginger Fuhrer Rob spent Wednesday making this
joyous song and urinating on his neighbour's
Jeep in the name of ART. The voice of an angel
and the bladder of a puffer-fish.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Im_Pissing_On_Your_Car

* ALSO JACKO FLASHMOB - How I started it by
accident, also by Rob, your newsletter Hitler,
who can stick two links of his own at the top
if he fancies it.
http://snurl.com/tehwords

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Buses

Buses are great. It's the drivers that are the
problem - as Emadex's story of a dead passenger
that got dumped at a bus stop makes clear:
http://b3ta.com/questions/buses/

* TICKETS - "Shouting from the front of the bus,
disturbs my iPod listening. A mid-20s girl sat
next to a young black man was shouting typical
(for this part of Europe at least) fairly racist
remarks: enquiring whether he could in fact
fornicate with himself and requesting that he
does indeed 'go back to the jungle.' This poor
man was sitting there, not making a sound, looking
straight ahead and not reacting. Meanwhile the
inspector gets on and starts asking for tickets.
People hold them out, ready to show that all is
paid and proper, whereupon the young black
gentleman snatches the shouty lady's ticket from
her hand, eats it, and then carries on staring
straight ahead. She went mental. What's more,
explaining to the inspector that her ticket had
been eaten just got her thrown of the bus for
being a nutter..."
(Bababoon)

* WHEELS - They go round and round apparently:
"A couple of rows in front of me on a packed bus
was a mum balancing her shopping on her lap. Her
little kid was standing next to her and singing
loudly. The only song she knew was The Wheels on
the Bus. Worse, she only knew one verse. Which
she repeated again and again and again. By the
23rd time this was more than slightly irritating.
So mum turned to her daughter and asked her to
sing something else. Daughter stopped, thought
for a second, and then comes out with, "Bodyform.
Bodyform for YOUUUUUUUUU!" The whole bus laughed
and the mum went red in the face."
(lordofallhesurveys)

* TOP DECK - "I like sitting in the front seats
on the top deck, holding the rail under the
window, pretending I'm hand-gliding very slowly
around London."
(Numma Supplies)

>> This Week's Question <<
Gather around the burning oil-drum and tell us
your hobo-tales:
http://b3ta.com/questions/tramps/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Echo Nest rocks bells <<
Put a donk on it? That more cowbell thing? All
these websites springing up that allow you to
muck around with audio have one thing in common
- they're using Echo Nest, a way of using
computer code to cut up beats and re-order them
in a musical fashion. This is big. This is
awesome, and the linky goes to a clever
chappie using the technology to cut up Black
Eyed Peas' "Boom Boom Pow".
http://musicmachinery.com/2009/06/21/wheres-the-pow/

>> There, I fixed it! <<
In what can only be an attempt to get a book
deal, earn some Adsense pennies or just become
as "famous as the failblog" comes this
collection of really dreadful repairs. We're
only being cynical because we're suddenly
regretting not having a job in publishing and
thinking how easy our lives would be - just
keeping an ear to the net and repurposing
anything that has obvious mass appeal.
http://thereifixedit.com/

>> Portraits of nails <<
Speaking of such - wouldn't these photos of
bent nails in amazingly human poses make a
great little picture book? It has charm, and
could be piled up by the counters without
risk of offending anyone.
http://www.designswan.com/archives/the-story-of-nail-art.html

>> Amusing Pringles banner ad <<
Back when the only entertainment online was a
bear that shat prime numbers, there was a site,
just a few lines of javascript, that produced
endless OK/Cancel dialogue boxes with amusing
text like, "are you bored yet?" and "but you
can't stop clicking can't you?" Looks like the
agency producing ad banners for Pringles have
as long a memory for this crap as us. BTW:
Over ten years Pringles have reduced their
packs from about 200g to 150g. True fact. We
read it in this month's issue of Wired UK.
http://awardshome.com/cannes2009/pringles/can-hands.html

>> Periodic Table of Typefaces <<
If you work in a design agency, and we know at
least 2% of our readers know people who do,
then here's your new wallpaper.
http://snurl.com/drinkingfromthefontycup

>> "Emails from an asshole" <<
Proving once and for all that all comedy needs
a victim comes this collection of wind-up emails
sent in response to classified ads. We ended up
reading quite a few and then remembered we
needed the bog.
http://www.dontevenreply.com/all.php

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
For those scared of clicking

>> Billie Tweets <<
Clever montage of twitter comments accompany
and spell the lyrics to Michael Jackson's
Billie Jean video. Someone clever needs to
write a script that'll do this for any youTube
video that has captions.
http://billietweets.com/

>> Springwatch Smiths references <<
Nature programme presenter Chris Packham
secretly tried to slip a Smiths reference into
every show. Here they all are edited together.
You're probably expecting us to put a Smiths
gag in here, but that joke isn't funny anymore.
http://b3ta.com/links/Springwatch_smiths_references

>> Jacko fail <<
As the web continues to be dominated by Jacko
news, here's an advert for his now-cancelled O2
concerts. Can't say too much more without
ruining it.
http://snurl.com/rolluprollup

>> Freak-out kid Japanese remix <<
Lols a-plenty for those who appreciated last
week's spack-out by a teen World of Warcraft
addict. Jaunty Nintendo-style tune accompanies
some edited highlights of his overwrought
capering.
http://b3ta.com/links/Freak_out_kid_Japanese_remix

>> Ducks go up the down escalator <<
Waterfowl once again demonstrate why Man is the
master of the planet. The fucking idiots.
http://b3ta.com/links/Ducks_go_up_the_down_escalator

>> Cat madness <<
Bewildering, high-speed montage of classic
feline lols. Subliminal message: Your cat wants
some biscuits.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuOpWeQw05Q

>> Web Side Story <<
Witty sketch combining the twin pleasures of
musical theatre and criticising the internet.
Pleasure your inner gay nerd.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1913584

>> Multi-webcam music vid <<
Extraordinarily clever music video filmed on
multiple video-chat feeds then collaged
together to very pleasing effect. No idea what
the song is about tho. Probably grooming
children online.
http://b3ta.com/links/This_is_extraordinary

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Cock buildings

"Instead of a CDC (crudely drawn cock) logo,"
writes Ericezza, how about a CBC (cleverly
built cock) complete with full balls? As
photographed by me on Gracechurch Street,
London."
http://img19.imageshack.us/img19/4086/image112afb.jpg

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Posh Challenge

Last week we wanted you to make everything posh.

Your favourites included:

* SHANNON - everyone's favourite chav princess
gets b3tarded (Wet chinned bag-shanker)
http://b3ta.com/board/9542553

* CHORTLE - the Chuckle Brothers, upgraded
(Bobby Bob Bob)
http://b3ta.com/board/9546723

* EAGLE - a bird of prey, with added spiffiness
(Panjandrum)
http://b3ta.com/board/9542246

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/posh/

>> New challenge: Pirates <<
PIRATES. It's time for one of B3ta's famous one
word challenges. Piracy is in the news at the
moment with the sale of The Pirate Bay and the
sea-bound Somalian pirates - so there's scope
to interpret this however you wish.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/pirates/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* LAMINATING BACON - "Back in the day, I was
invited round this girl's house," explains
DanBangBang. "Her mum was out, perfect
conditions for teenage fumblings. However, when
I got into her room I was distracted by the
massive laminator on her desk.

"'My Dad gave it me for Christmas,' she
explained glumly. 'He works for an office
supply shop, he's an arsehole'. Yes, we tried
to laminate and simultaneously cook bacon. The
plastic sheets don't really get airtight, the
bacon semi-cooks, there's a lot of noise and a
horrible smell. Hope this helps."

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include:

* DOOMWATCH - "A site which counts fear words
eg 'Swine Flu', 'Terrorism'... from the day's
news and charts what to be most scared of
today." (via @ricomonkeon)

* SICKINEWS - "A page that correlates trending
news events with jokes about that event on
Sickipedia." (via @chthonicionic)

* URBANPOON - "An iPhone app that lets you
quickly find hookers by location, price and
ethnicity." (via @millwallant)

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:

This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Choc Ice, Seventh,
Gingey, Mighty Nibus, oller, Kung_Fu_Russ,
badge, waz4444, Wingnutt, Ryan Giggs' Bald
Spot. Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subjlols via Ad7.

-------------------------------------------------

Yesterday, I came home early from work and
found my wife cheating. The lazy bitch has
hired a cleaner.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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