Vol 755 - Dec 14, 2008 - Strange Truisms

× Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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NEW! - MySpace Members - Please NOTE that we have just added a TAB on each Joke Page and Image Page that NOW Makes it Easy for you to add "Strange" Items to your Individual MySpace pages! Just CLICK on the Bottom Right MySpace ICON! It's Quick & Easy!

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes:

"The only difference between doctors and lawyers is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you, too." (Anton Chekhov)

"It's not the people who are in prison worry me. It's the people who aren't." (Arthur Gore)

"Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire." (George Bernard Shaw)

"Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking." (Bill Vaughan)

"When you see what some women marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living." (Helen Rowland)

"You mean apart from my own?" (Zsa Zsa Gabor, asked how many husbands she had had)

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Truisms

TRUISMS #1

BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP:
Never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

KLEENEX:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

TRUISMS #2

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES:
Something other people have. You have character lines. Ha!

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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STRANGE POLICE MOTORCYCLES - SUZUKI - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/145346.html

CAMEL OASIS - COOL SHOT - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/109922.html

CHRISTMAS TREE - IN A MOTORCYCLE SIDECAR - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/108632.html

REAL or MINIATURE? - JUNK YARD - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/145493.html

STRANGE OLDE FLAG DRAPED LADY LIBERTY - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/145510.html

STRANGE DENTIST PROMOTION - VIBRA FINGER - GUM MASSAGER! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/145512.html

STRANGE STATUE TO FLYING - 2 - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/145514.html

STRANGE TRANSPARENT BUTTERFLIES! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/145516.html

DANGEROUS CROCODILE ATTACKS WATER BUFFALO! - 1 - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/145521.html

STRANGE LIGHTNING STRIKE - HILLTOP - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/145523.html

STRANGE RUSSIAN SUBMARINE - TYPHOON CLASS 941 - 3 - MISSILE LAUNCH! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/145532.html

STRANGE OLDE PICTURES - FIRE! WHAT'S HE LAUGHING AT? - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/145535.html

STRANGE OLDE PICTURES - HOLLYWOOD - JIMMY CAGNEY! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/145539.html

STRANGE DOGGIE DRIVER - RED SPORTS CAR! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/145540.html

STRANGE TRAFFIC SIGNS - ALZHEIMER'S CLINIC - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/145549.html

STRANGE TRAFFIC SIGNALS - WOW! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/145551.html

BLONDE DRIVING PROBLEMS - APPLYING LIPSTICK - LOOK OUT! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/145568.html

STRANGE 'EXTREME ELVIS' HAIRDO IN JAPAN - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/145572.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - OPTICAL ILLUSIONS - PUZZLES - STRANGE ITEMS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/100302_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

10 of the Strangest Animal Defense Mechanisms - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/145380.html

The Strange Story of JFK and His Rocking Chair - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/145417.html

Strange Euphemisms for "Stupid" - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/145471.html

Doctors' Opinions of The Financial Bail Out Package - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/145484.html

==================================

The Featured Humor Category This Week - Strange Lists - Crazy Numbers - Crazy Stuff

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/111_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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News from The Smoking Gun

Dear Friend:

After a hiatus spent addressing a variety of technical and distribution issues,
The Smoking Gun newsletter finally returns today. We sense your relief, so
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When a Louisiana man rebuffed his 19-year-old girlfriend's bid for some lovin',
well, that's when the stabbing began. Allegedly:

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Enter our contest for a shot at some fine prizes, including the new book
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If you have a news tip, complaint, or suggestion, call our Hotline (actually,
it's just an extra phone in our office) at (212) 692-7801. Or drop a line to:
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Vol 754 - Dec 10, 2008 - Strange Things to Wonder About

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

NEW! - MySpace Members - Please NOTE that we have just added a TAB on each Joke Page and Image Page that NOW Makes it Easy for you to add "Strange" Items to your Individual MySpace pages! Just CLICK on the Bottom Right MySpace ICON! It's Quick & Easy!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "Education" Quotes

"In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards." (Mark Twain)

"Dublin University contains the dream of Ireland - rich and thick." (Samuel Beckett)

"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education." (Mark Twain)

"Don't let schooling interfere with your education." (Mark Twain)

"I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like 'What I'm going to be if I grow up.'" (Lenny Bruce)

"In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some." (Emo Philips)

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Did You Ever Wonder Why...

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON(R), how do they make TEFLON(R) stick to the pan?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

I don't believe in reincarnation, but I did in my past life.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE "GRASS CARS" - VW - SUNFLOWER - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/145298.html

B-29 SUPERFORTRESS - BOEING - NOSE ART - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/145356.html

THE STRANGE SHROUD OF TURIN - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/145414.html

STRANGE GROUP PICTURE OF OLD STARS - FIND YOUR OLD FAVORITE! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/145454.html

WORLD'S FIRST GAS POWERED MOTORCYCLE - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/145456.html

STRANGE SNOW DOG - SNOW BALLS AFTER PLAYING IN THE YARD! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/145457.html

STRANGE TOMBSTONES - GANGBANGER W/ SOME 40'S MALT LIQUOR - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/145458.html

STRANGE OLDE RAILROAD LOCOMOTIVES - 1937 LEVIATHON - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/145459.html

STRANGE FDIC BANK COUPON OFFER - BUY A TOASTER - GET A BANK FREE! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/145460.html

STARS! CELEBRITY MANSIONS & HOMES - OJ SIMPSON - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/145461.html

AIR CRAFT CARRIER PULLS IN RIGHT NEXT TO THE BEACHFRONT HOTEL! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/145462.html

STRANGE TINY LIL' MOTORCYCLE - SMALLER THAN A BREAD BOX! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/145463.html

STRANGE "TIGER" PEOPLE IN INDIA - BODY PAINTS! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/145464.html

STRANGE BASE JUMPERS - OFF A HUGE CLIFF! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/145465.html

STRANGE NASA PHOTO - SOLAR FLARES! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/145466.html

STRANGE LAMBORGHINI TAXI! - GULL WING DOORS - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/145467.html

STRANGE HALLOWEEN DOGS! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/145468.html

STRANGE RENTAL TRUCK TREE PROBLEM! - THAT'S GOING TO COST YOU! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/145469.html

==================================

The Featured Humor Category This Week - Cities - States & Regions of the USA

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/136_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Top 10 Worst Dictators and Regimes in History - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/144944.html

The Strange Moving Coffins of Barbados - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/145413.html

Strange Women Inventors in The Automotive Industry - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/145415.html

Strange Story Of UPS Saving "Keiko" The Killer Whale - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/145416.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - STRANGE OLDE PICTURES, POSTERS, IMAGES AND PHOTOGRAPHS - www.StrangePersons.com

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/136_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 753 - Dec 07, 2008 - Strange Answers From Traffic School Exams

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

NEW! - MySpace Members - Please NOTE that we have just added a TAB on each Joke Page and Image Page that NOW Makes it Easy for you to add "Strange" Items to your Individual MySpace pages! Just CLICK on the Bottom Right MySpace ICON! It's Quick & Easy!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "Animal" Quotes:

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him, and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too. - Samuel Butler

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them. - Samuel Butler

I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained in two days. - Bill Dana (William Szathmary)

"Moo" may represent an idea, but only the cow knows. - Mason Cooley "City Aphorisms"

Sacred cows make the tastiest hamburger. - Abbie Hoffman

A horse is dangerous at both ends and uncomfortable in the middle. - Ian Fleming

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Real Answers From Traffic School Exams

Clever Drivers

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's traffic school. YIKES!

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too shit-faced to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be a dickhead all day long.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE JAPANESE MANHOLE COVERS - 1 - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/145058.html

STRANGE "GRASS CARS" - PARADE VAN - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/145297.html

STRANGE GUNS, KNIVES & SELF DEFENSE WEAPONS - ENGRAVED - BILL OF RIGHTS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/142210.html

STRANGE BUILDINGS - WHO DESIGNED THESE TWO? - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/145402.html

STRANGE BUSINESS NAMES - ROBOT MILK? - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/145403.html

STRANGE BABOON WITH HIS LITTLE GAL PAL IN PINK - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/145404.html

COOL MILITARY HELICOPTER ANGEL FLARES AT NIGHT ON A LAKE! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/145405.html

FOG SHROUDED SAN FRANCISCO BRIDGE - FLIGHT OF WWII FIGHTERS - CORSAIRS - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/145406.html

RIOT SQUAD POLICE IN DANGER! SURROUNDED BY ANGRY CROWD IN S. KOREA! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/145407.html

STRANGE MOBILE STRIP CLUB - HOT GIRLS HAULED AROUND IN A SEMI TRAILER! - http://www.strangevehicle.com/content/item/145408.html

STRANGE WWII MILITARY MOTORCYCLE W/ AIRPLANE SIDECAR! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/145409.html

STRANGE SKYDIVERS RECORD - STACKED DIAMOND - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/123204.html

STRANGE RUSSIAN BOXER AND HIS STRANGE FAMILY - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/123437.html

STRANGE LITTLE "POPSICLE" KID - SWIMMING IN ICEY WATERS - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/117329.html

STRANGE '"I LOVE YOU" YACHT CLUB! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/130836.html

STRANGE COCKROACH CAR - SUPER BEETLE? - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/145410.html

STRANGE SPORTS FANS - GREEN BAY PACKER SUPER BOWL HAT? - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/145411.html

STRANGE SEMI TRUCK CATTLE TRAIN - KIMBERLEY AUSTRALIA - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/145412.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SZ - BABY ANIMALS! Cute - Cuddly - Tiny - Helpless - Amazing!

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/100663_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Life Explained! - Man With a Plan! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/145397.html

Do Something Strange - You'll Feel Better - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/119812.html

Murphy's Laws for Business - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/115232.html

Strange Tips and Hints - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/114317.html

Strange Facts About Shopping Malls - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/119817.html

Ten Excuses for Missing Work - Five Smart, Five DUMB - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/122770.html

==================================

The Featured Humor Category This Week - ANIMALS! All Kinds - Amazing!

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/125_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?"

This Week:
* EVIL - Snurl for cunts
* SPASTIC SOCIETY - 1970s Xmas stickers
* QUESTION - Your age-gap sex stories (eeep!)

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're getting Christmas
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | Cards from Jonathan King
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"

B3ta email 357 - 5 Dec 2008

Official Ginger Fuhrer Birthday web edition:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue357/

Tits: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Anti-tits: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Cash for YOUR viral ideas

We viral advertising whores have convinced a
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We'll pay £500 for any idea used and you get to
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Want this space? Then talk to us.
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-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Lots of bollocks you to wobble

>> Snurl for cunts <<
This nasty little tool allows you to replace
harmless words and phrases with horrid, twisted
drips of poison on the destination page of any
website. Props to irberry for creating the
potential to cause endless mischief.
http://redo.me.uk/

And here's one we made earlier:
http://redo.me.uk/GordonRamseyBook

>> Repellent pig's head cookery <<
Sharcore writes: "On Saturday we cooked and ate
the head of a pig. It was very tasty, but a
touch glutinous, particularly the snout. It's a
fine meal in these testing economic times, if
you can stomach it - the whole head cost
£3.80" It looks disgusting but the photos are
kind of interesting.
http://bakedchefs.com/

>> Xmas Spackattack <<
Lucky dngdng found these rather fantastic Xmas
stickers while rooting through his parent's
lofts. Treasure from a more innocent age.
http://snurl.com/scopers

>> The truth about secret Santa <<
Everyone knows secret Santa is shit. Bangbang's
parody of Boots annoying Christmas ad is so on
the money.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Boot_secret_santa_parody

>> Amazon FTW <<
A bit geeky but a fun bit of one-upmanship that
will make recession-hit web developers rofl
themselves silly.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Play_com_Amazon_is_better

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Cringe!

Cringe-worthy antics from b3tards? No, surely
you jest? Whatever. Clicky for comedy gold:
http://b3ta.com/questions/cringe/

* LICKY LICKY - "About 10 years ago, at the
dentist's, I was laying in the chair staring
at the ceiling whilst he was using his
instruments of torture in my mouth. After a
while I noticed that there was something in
my mouth between my bottom teeth and my lip.
Thinking it was an absorbent swab thingy, I
prodded it for a minute or two with my tongue.
It seemed too smooth for a swab, so I explored
it thoroughly with my tongue. Then it dawned
on me.. It was his latex glove-covered thumb.
I'd been laying there apparently trying to
pleasure his finger for the last couple of
minutes..." (mugwump)

* SHAVING - "So I'm sixteen years old. The
girlfriend has come around to my place for the
day, the folks and the sister are out and the
afternoon is ripe for lovin' -- or at least,
kissin' and some awkward groping. But something
is wrong. From the moment the ladyfriend walked
in the door, she seemed a little nervous, a
little... distracted. After I realised something
was up, I asked her what was the matter. She
refused to tell me. We played that game for a
while - What'swrongnothingreallyyesyousureyesoh,
but I eventually manage to get it out of her.
In a quiet, delicate voice, quite unlike
anything I've ever heard before, she comes out
with: "I've... you know... *shaved*." For some
reason, my mind doesn't quite catch on, so I
respond with, "Wow... Well, I have to say, it
looks a lot better. I didn't want to mention
anything, but I'd definitely noticed a little
bit of fuzz there." All the while, I'm gesturing
to her top lip. The lip that, in fact, was not
one of those she was referring to. There was to
be no more fumbling that day; it took three hours
to get her to even speak to me." (Ellinikos)

* PUT THEM AWAY - "PhD, year two. Went to the lab
wearing fetching black shirt with popper
fastenings down the front. To protect said shirt,
slipped on lab coat, with popper fastenings down
the front. The eagle-eyed amongst you may be able
to spot where this is going. Tea break rolls
around and, being the attention seeking little
sausage I am, I ran to the door of the lab, faced
my lab mates and pretended to rip off my lab coat,
a la Clark Kent ripping off his shirt to reveal
underneath the fabled "S". What I actually did
was grab both sets of poppers by mistake, rip them
open and reveal my tits in a grubby, greying bra
with the underwiring poking out. I think if you
look up the word "fuckwit" in the dictionary,
there may be a little picture of me next to it."
(Rakky)

>> This Week's Question <<
Cougars and Sugar Daddies. When there's a huge age
gap and you're shagging, things are never simple:
http://b3ta.com/questions/cougars/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> "Me and Iron Man" <<
The unlikely story of a bloke who wound up
getting his Flickr pic into the recent Iron Man
film. We're actually a little bit jealous.
http://adactio.com/journal/1530/

>> Pushpin Mario <<
Excellent mosaic of the dashing plumber - made
entirely by sticking pins in a wall.
http://snurl.com/pinitdown

>> Wikipedia wtf lists <<
Wouldn't Wikipedia make a smashing
Christmas tie-in book? Here's a couple of the
kind of pages that would make it a great
stocking filler. BTW: Who would have guessed
that Napoleon was, in fact, taller than average?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_unusual_deaths
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_misconceptions

>> Emergency call transcripts <<
Calling 999 is always a dramatic treat. Sadly,
when you have to do it yourself you're too
preoccupied to really appreciate it. Here are
some transcripts of actual emergency calls.
http://snurl.com/smoothoperator

>> Emily Strange vs Nate the Great <<
Goth merchandising phenomenon Emily Strange
owes a great deal to past-time children's
favourite Nate the Great. Check out the
side-by-side comparison. Hard not to see a
similarity.
http://youthoughtwewouldntnotice.com/blog3/?p=1701

>> Nice t-shirt designs <<
Some clever and pretty t-shirt designs. We were
particularly struck by the scowling Thomas the
Tank Engine transformer.
http://www.behance.net/Gallery/Glennz-Tee-Store-Designs/149088

>> Belly love <<
Musician's fans express solidarity with their
pot-bellied icon by sending in pictures of
their own proud tummies. Stick it to the man!
http://snurl.com/tummywar

>> 45 vintage visions of the future <<
Cover art from old editions of Popular
Mechanics, showing how they thought the future
was going to be - from 1951 onwards. We are
eagerly awaiting the delivery of our robotic
Christmas tree decorators.
http://snurl.com/thefutureisshit

>> Hideous gourmet foods <<
People really do eat the most hideous things
and the worse it is the more they insist it's a
'delicacy'. A large proportion of these are
French. But then we suspect a similar list done
in France would stick in stuff like Scotch Eggs
and Pepperami.
http://snurl.com/foodystuff

>> Ladykeyboard <<
It's a pink computer keyboard with the
'useless' keys being given a 'fun makeover'.
"There is nothing else like this currently on
the market," proudly boast the manufacturers.
Probably quite usable - those keys really are
useless.
https://www.keyboardforblondes.com/

>> The End <<
A large collection of "The End" movie title
cards. Interesting how there are so many
different ways of saying the same thing. Made
us want to go off and watch a load of vintage
films.
http://snurl.com/endyendend

-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH

>> Chilly kitty <<
Newborn kitten enjoys a light dusting of snow.
News channels take note - you should always
present the weather forecast via a tiny
animal's reaction to it.
http://snurl.com/kittenwoos

>> 'Hotdog' lol <<
It's his trusting obliviousness that makes this
little dachshund-in-a-bun so adorable.
http://snurl.com/woofs

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Stuff to spam your mum with

>> Animals sing Merry Christmas <<
B3ta-friendly animals singing Jona Lewie's Stop
the Cavalry? What are the BBC up to?
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=yt-K5w1PFMo

>> Kittens on a slide <<
"Similar to kittens on a treadmill," writes
witty_ditty, "these kittens, much like salmon,
attempt to brave the vertical."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Kittens_on_a_slide

>> Tilt shift monster trucks <<
Every few weeks a technique sweeps the internet
and everyone who's anyone has a go - currently
it's using weird lenses (or a bit of blurring and
ramping up the saturation) to make real world
footage look like toys.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Tilt_shift_Monster_Trucks

>> Macy's Day Rickrolled by Rick <<
"I swear life is getting too surreal," writes
J-Rod, and he's right you know.
http://snurl.com/metathedevilyouknow

>> Sex Pistols sung by UK Politicos <<
"If you're desperate for the newsletter,"
informs Brian Millar, "there's a new
Gordo/Camero mashup online." Heh, underselling
is the new selling.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSiCtcjeFs4

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
We'd rather get AIDS than run this crap

* IT WOULD BE UNCHARITABLE to laugh at Horn
Relief...
http://www.hornrelief.org/

* WANKKING HAMSTER - racetraitor spluffs, "So
you want phallic roller coasters? Get a load of
this one I found at Okpo Land in South Korea."
http://www.daehanmindecline.com/archive/20080405okpoland/29.JPG

* PEOPLE CALLED PORNTIP - it's a real name you
know.
http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=porntip

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE

Results from the Xmas Card Compo

Last week we wanted you to make us some Xmas
cards we could send to our dead grandparents .

Your favourites included:

* CREDIT CRUNCH CHRISTMAS - alliteration and
swearing. A double win for mofaha.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8977733

* JESUS CRADLES BOOZE - yep, pretty much how we
feel in the holidays. And work days too. Thanks
Joe Scaramanga.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8976983

* SANTA VS PYLON - well, Santa isn't going to
win is he? (The Twisted Omentum)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8981983

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/xmascards/

>> New challenge: Anagram Photoshops <<
Funeral? Real fun. Robert DeNiro? Nerdier
Robot. Kylie Minogue? I Like Em Young. Take a
phrase or celebrity name, work out a really
good anagram, and then photoshop the result.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/anagrams/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* GRIPEY TWATS - Sea Tramp moans, "Pedantry,
I'm afraid. But I've held my piece for more
than two years now, and just can't hold it any
longer. My hand's seizing up. A stock phrase on
the newsletter template that hasn't changed
since I signed up: 'All these images, and the
highest as voted by you can be found here:'
Please, please correct it. Highest image? Uh?
Best? Most popular? Favourite? Least utterly
gash? Are we voting for a 'high' image? No.
It'd take very little effort to change this,
and - you never know - it might just save one
man from a needless nervous breakdown." Heh -
now we know it's annoying we're never going to
change it. We're petty - that's how we roll.

* RANDOM LIBEL - boyo81 gets us into legal
trouble with, "I can't tell you how disturbing
it was to see the 'miming album covers' link in
the latest newsletter. Not because of the link
itself but rather the guy doing the mimes. He
is called Matt and he used to stalk my sister
for several years, even going as far as
submitting a story to the publishing house she
works for based on his life so far with her as
a prominent love interest. Maybe this is a very
odd way of continuing the stalking, as he knows
she is a long time b3tan, But I hope to God
it's just a horrible coincidence... He is a
very strange fellow."

* MORE TOAST BOLLOCKS - pgm28 mimbles, "I
didn't write in last week about cooking things
in the toaster because I thought that thousands
of people would write in with the same answer,
but apparently I was wrong. You can buy neat
little things called Toastabags
(www.toastabags.com) which allow you to cook
quite literally anything in a toaster -
burgers, chicken nuggets, eggs, bacon, you name
it... I once used one to heat up a can of soup
- great stuff! Every student should be issued
one by the government."

* TAKING THE PISS - nick-brown gushes, " Saw
your question in the newsletter but one but
quite frankly was too fucking lazy to write in.
Anyway as the topic was progressing, I thought
I'd provide you with the definitive insight. A
teacher at school once told me that he and has
mates at university had pondered this very
question (I reckon this was back in the '70's
so it would appear you've been asking one of
life's eternal questions) and decided to answer
it, being scientific types. Consequently the 4
of them considerately spent an extended evening
in the pub, drinking as much as possible and
every trip to the bog included carrying a
number of pint glasses with them. Apparently
from the extensive data gleaned they were able
to state that (unsurprisingly, given that beer
is a diuretic) for every pint you drink, you
piss 1 and a quarter pints. This has informed
my drinking/water management levels ever since
and I pass this knowledge on in the hope that
it will likewise help many of your readers."

* WE LOVE DURAN DURAN - brixton bruxelles
lovingly types, "In this week's newsletter, you
asked for a Duran Duran song parody, so I'm
sending you this abomination I created called
'Goats on Film'" Actually this is rather long
so here's a remix with just the lines that made
us giggle:

"See them trotting hoof to hoof
across the bridge at midnight
Goats on Film (trotting together)
Goats on Film (you want to mate her)"

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
I made this. You play this. We are enemies.

In a title weirdly reminiscent of the Manic
Street Preachers, "This is my truth, tell me
yours" comes a game that makes less sense than
your Ginger Fuhrer after a night on the
heroins. And much like opiates, it is good, oh
so good.
http://www.secrettechnology.com/madethis/enemy6.html

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* INTERNET VOLUME MIXER - we're eternally
frustrated by having to turn iTunes on and off
as internet videos demand our attention. Can
someone write a hack that mixes the music down
and back up automatically?

* CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW HOUSE - a short
video to send new home owners featuring a house
that starts dancing and shouting "h-h-h-h
house!" in a Paul Hardcastle stutter stylee.

* A BIG INTERNET GUN TO SHOOT TROLLS WITH -
just a personal request.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by The G, funkenstein,
tubaman, Leo Panthera, ZombieSheep, cszbinden,
harry kumquat, carly291287 and heliopod. Top
Tippery by Brandy Bolland Additional linkage
and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike
Trinder is QOTW bloke.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
Keep a Gameboy handy in the bathroom for
leisurely shits.

-------------------------------------------------

SICKIPEDIA:
A little bit of Monica on the floor...
A little bit of Jessica on the steps....
Mumbai No 5.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 752 - Dec 03, 2008 - Strange Thoughts on the Sea by Kids

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

NEW! - MySpace Members - Please NOTE that we have just added a TAB on each Joke Page and Image Page that NOW Makes it Easy for you to add "Strange" Items to your Individual MySpace pages! Just CLICK on the Bottom Right MySpace ICON! It's Quick & Easy!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange New Word Definitions:

Smile - A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Dictionary - The only place where divorce comes before marriage.

College - A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.

Office - A place where you can relax after your strenuous homelife.

Yawn - The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Committee - Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Classic - A book which people praise, but do not read.

Marriage - It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master degree.

Experience - The name men give to their mistakes.

Tears - The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.

Atom Bomb - An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher - A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Children's Strange Thoughts on the Sea

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

5) A dolphin breaths through an azzhole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)

6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. And how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

12) On holidays my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her fat ass. (Jule age 7)

Start each day with a smile.... then pass it on!!!!!

When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt, then call me over!

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE JAPANESE MANHOLE COVERS - 2 - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/145057.html

STRANGE ASIAN FOOD - INSECTS! - 9 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/145300.html

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STRANGE 'OBAMA CLAUS' AT TORONTO ETHIOPIAN RESTAURANT - 11-2-08 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/145355.html

THE STRANGE UFO ABDUCTION OF BETTY & BARNEY HILL - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/145386.html

THE FIRST SPIRITUALISTS - THE STRANGE FOX SISTERS - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/145388.html

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STRANGE JAPANESE TRAIN FOR MOTHERS WITH CHILDREN - NURSERY - CRIB - EVERYTHING! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/145390.html

STRANGE POLICE STOP - ESCAPED 'BUMPER CAR' FROM THE CIRCUS! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/145391.html

STRANGE' SPIDER LIKE' STEALTH WATERCRAFT - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/145392.html

STRANGE RALLY CAR IN THE SNOW - UPSIDE DOWN - OR IS IT YOU? - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/145393.html

STRANGE ROAD SIGN ARROWS - STREET ARROWS! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/145394.html

LITTLE BOY FISHING IN THE PARK POND - SHARK FIN! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/145395.html

BAD BOY - BAD GRADES - NO BASKETBALL! - HOOP LOCK - THE CLUB! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/145396.html

STRANGE 'REPO MAN' GOES BAD - BABY PRAM ON TOW TRUCK! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/145398.html

STRANGE BACKYARD! - SHARED HOMEMADE HOCKEY RINK - JOHN DEERE LAEN TRACTOR 'ZAMBONI!' - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/145399.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - StrangeTravel - ASIA - CHINA - JAPAN - THAILAND - HONG KONG - TAIWAN - BANGKOK

http://www.strangetravel.com/content/category/100572_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Smell! Top 10 Stinky People From the Pages of History - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/144943.html

Strange Body Statistics - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/145381.html

Strange UFO & Space Aliens Region - Area 51- aka Groom Lake - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/145385.html

Strange Unsolved 'Gas' Attacks in Virginia & Illinois - 1930's - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/145387.html

The Difference Between College And High School - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/109029.html

Real Names Of Celebrities - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/108662.html

==================================

The Featured Humor Category This Week - Jokes - ALL Kinds, Puns, Quotes, Slams

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/102_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

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Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

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