Vol 664 - Jan. 30, 2008 - Strange Label Instructions

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Quotes About "Wisdom"

"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Know thyself." - Linnaeus

"The two most abundant things in the universe are Hydrogren and stupidity." - Harlan Ellison

"Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing." - Engineer's Motto

"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think." - Dorothy Parker

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Label Instructions

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after
heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE "WASP WAIST" WOMEN - 7 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134236.html

STRANGE JAPANESE WEDDINGS - THE BRIDES SPECIAL HAIRDO - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/134507.html

NAVAL GUN FIRE PRODUCES HUGE 'SMOKE RINGS' - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/134563.html

STRANGE GUN - AMMO CHAIN FEED - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/134565.html

STRANGE OLD PIX - BERLINER HELICOPTER - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/134584.html

COOL BROAD JUMP SHOT - SAND SCATTERS! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/134588.html

STRANGE CIRCUS ACTS - FREAK SHOWS - MONKEY BOY - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/134602.html

BULLFIGHTING DANGERS - PICADOR AND HORSE IN TROUBLE! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/134671.html

FARM FUN - TRUCKLOAD OF HAY - HUGE TRUCKLOAD! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/134672.html

STRANGE LOOKING 'BULLET' TRAIN NOSE - COOL - SLEEK! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/134688.html

STRANGE CAMOUFLAGE LANDING CRAFT FULL OF 'MONSTERS' - 3 - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/134693.html

TANK PROBLEM - THE CAPTAIN IS NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134700.html

DANGEROUS LANDING - NAVY HELICOPTER DURING ROUGH SEAS! - HANG ON! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/134701.html

MOUNTAIN BIKING FUN - OVER THE CLIFF! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/134728.html

HOCKEY SLAPSHOT PROBLEM - BROKEN STICK! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134730.html

STRANGE FEMALE BODYBUILDER - NICE BIKINI? - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/134731.html

HUGE 11 FOOT STURGEON CAUGHT IN WILLAMETTE RIVER - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/134734.html

STRANGE SURFBOARD - IT'S HUGE! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/134742.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - CARS - TRUCKS - MOTORCYCLES - AL KINDS OF VEHICLES

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/27_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange 'Revenge' Killing and Strange Result - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/134681.html

Strange Facts About the 1500s - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/21845.html

Famous Last Farewells - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/21783.html

Breasts - Different Names They're Called - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/21408.html

Bumper Stickers for the Politically Incorrect - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/21461.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - CARS - TRUCKS - MOTORCYCLES - AL KINDS OF VEHICLES

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/115_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 663 - Jan. 27, 2008 - Eight Words With Two Meanings

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Quotes & Toasts of The Day - STRANGE "Media" QUOTES

"The telephone company is urging people to please not use the telephone unless it is absolutely necessary in order to keep the lines open for emergency personnel. We'll be right back after this break to give away a pair of Phil Collins tickets to caller number 95." - Los Angeles d. j. (after the February 1990 earthquake)

"Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock." - Ben Hecht

"Journalism consists largely in saying "Lord Jones died" to people who never knew Lord Jones was alive." - G. K. Chesterton

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Eight Words With Two Meanings

Eight Words With Two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) ad
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family
Male: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

Submitted by Jacob

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE MONKEYS - ENJOYING THE GAME! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/133911.html

STRANGE DOG WITH SUNGLASSES WATCHING AIRPLANE - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/134248.html

'BIG FOOT' TRUCKS IN ACTION - FLYING! - 4 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134433.html

NOT SO SEXY DRAG QUEEN HAS A BALD SPOT! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/134564.html

FINALLY - WOMEN HAVE THEIR OWN LANE ON THE ROAD! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/134569.html

STRANGE CAT LICKS HIS LITTLE RODENT PAL! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/134593.html

CUTE LITTLE GIRL - SHE'S AN ANGEL! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/134594.html

STRANGE CIRCUS ACTS - FREAK SHOWS - WILDMAN FROM BARNEO - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/134599.html

1909 CONSTRUCTION OF THE TITANIC - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/134639.html

STRANGE LITTLE 'PINK' DOGGY URINAL - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134666.html

CAPRONI Ca.60 TRANSAERO - STRANGE MULTI WING SEAPLANE - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/134667.html

GREAT OLDE PIX - EARLY 1900'S ENGLISH CHARABANC - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/134675.html

STRANGE COUPLE - THE TOMAINI'S - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/134676.html

ALBINO ANIMALS - TIGERS - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/134684.html

STRANGE KARATE' BILLBOARD ADS - USING THE ELEMENTS AROUND YOU! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/134687.html

BUSY F-1 PIT CREW - WHERE'S THE RACER? - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/134689.html

STRANGE THREE WHEEL 2 SEAT CAR - MOTORVEHICLE! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/134690.html

STRANGE 'ICE CRYSTAL' RAINBOW - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134692.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SM - MILITARY - "SPECIAL" PICTURES AND PRESENTATIONS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/100050_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Coincidence - Strange Act of Vengeance - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/134679.html

Smart A S S Answers - 6 of The Best - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/134733.html

Pocket Taser Stun Gun. ONLY A GUY WOULD DO THIS! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/118544.html

Combat for Dummies - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/108189.html

Strange Military Instructions & Information - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/113805.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SM - MILITARY - "SPECIAL" PICTURES AND PRESENTATIONS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/107_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "Showcasing the awesome power of boredom"

This Week:
* COTTAGING - Everyone's favourite toilet lols
* CHALLENGE - Wrong man for the job?
* QUESTION - Rat out your bastard colleagues

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Amy Winehouse
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | takes drugs...
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| OMG! OMG! OMG!"

B3ta email 312 - 25 Jan 2008

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue312/

Ed Mitchell: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Amy Winehouse: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Weebl & Bob's Sticky Ending: Part 2

With cinema-goers bracing themselves for the
new Indiana Jones film, here comes the second
part of this timely fondant-centred parody from
Jonti. It's completely eggcelent and we're not
yolking.
http://tinyurl.com/2ub4oc

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Gays, Songs and Fingerprints

>> Bush cottaging <<
"I've made an ill-informed guide," minces BIG
FACE, "It's a short but serious expose of gay
cruising in Clapham Common." Heh, looks like
a sketch for TV?
http://b3ta.com/links/Gay_Cruising_an_ill_informed_guide

>> "We Made a Film" <<
Remember Hexachordal? He did that internet love
song we featured a few weeks back. And now? He
writes, "That's right guys, my first PROPER
MUSIC VIDEO. Filmed and edited by my mate Alex
Parsons, obviously performed and written by
little ol' me." It certainly has charm and your
B3ta Towers scribe has bought his limited
edition CD in the hope that it'll be worth
gazillions in a few years' time.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/We_Made_A_Film

>> Removing fingerprints with pineapple <<
"I've finally got around to putting the video
of my latest experiment together," boasts
Thomas Scott, "I'd heard that pineapple can
remove people's fingerprints. But, to be honest,
it's more about me being in pain than any kind
of actual science. Part of me hopes B3ta people
will try to one-up me using sandpaper and a
Dremel." We wonder if this clip will end up on
QI?
http://www.thomasscott.net/fingerprints/

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Hotel Splendido

We wanted your crap hotel stories last week:
http://b3ta.com/questions/craphotels/

* DON'T MENTION THE RAJ - "Around 10 years ago
I was stationed in Hyderabad whilst I did
interesting things with agriculture. Ten of us
attended a conference in Bangalore. I arrived
first and checked in. Next to me was an
American lady was was also attending the
conference, patiently waiting. Not sure how it
happened but the the receptionist just assumed
that the lady next to me was my wife. Thus
about 20 minutes later, I step out of the
shower as she walks into my room and screams.
But my favourite was my boss, Andy Whitman. He
arrived much later with just a reservation, and
when he tried to get a room he was told, "We
are full to bursting sir: the only room left is
reserved for a Mr Andy". It's quite common to
juxtapose surnames and first names in India. My
boss shouts, "AHA! That's mine, I'm A. Whitman,
I'm A. Whitman." The receptionist replied, "You
may be a whiteman sir but you still cannot have
Mr Andy's Room." (smells-like-victory-v's)

* HOTEL MERIDIAN, BRAZZAVILLE, REPUBLIC OF
CONGO "I arrived in the Congo at the arse end
of the country's civil war on a bit of
ill-advised business. Le Meridian turned out to
be a heavily-armed compound in the centre of
the city, next-door to the ruins of the
cathedral. The hotel doubled up as the
officers' mess of the Congolese army, so it
was crawling with over-dressed young ladies and
their angry AK47-toting husbands. If you wanted
to venture outside, you had to get a posse of
hired goons and hire the hotel's bullet-riddled
Mercedes. What I took for charming concrete
mouldings around the hotel reception, were in
fact rocket-propelled grenade scars. The hotel
had its own zoo. When I arrived, it was the
army's practice range and free supply of tasty
meat products. A five-minute phone call urging
my boss to get me the fuck out of there cost
£90. Not a trace of Um Bongo." (Scaryduck)

* PIKMIN PORN - "A couple of years ago, my
company relocated me to Canada. While I tried
to find somewhere to live, they paid for me to
stay in a very average hotel out by the
airport. It was miles away from anything, and I
had nothing to do in the evenings except read
and watch telly, which got boring pretty
quickly. Salvation came in the form of the
in-room Gamecube, which cost about 5 bucks to
play for half an hour; I got hooked on Pikmin
and eventually racked up about $120 of room
service charges. I innocently sent the bill off
to expenses, not realising that every single
half-hour session of innocent Gamecube playing
was itemised as "In-room entertainment charge."
Or, to put it another way, exactly what it
would have looked like if I'd been ordering new
porno every half-hour. This led to an
'interesting' conversation in which I had to
try and convince the nice lady from HR that I'd
actually been trying to help the spaceman get
back to his home planet with the help of some
magical flowers, rather than masturbating
myself into a frenzy." (silencer)

And one from the other side:

* FILTH - "I ran a pub in York with a B+B
attached. One Tuesday I checked in a
reasonable, well spoken, late 30s couple who
were visiting. They left in the morning, paid
the bill, had breakfast, asked directions, nice
and polite. Got to the room to clean it. Oh. My
word. Blood and red wine on the sheets. Broken
glass in the bin, on the carpet, in the sink. A
pint glass filled with piss on the night-stand,
the remnants of a couple of lines of charlie
next to said pint glass. And a 9 inch turd in
the bath. Just beautiful." (jameslib)

>> This Week's Question <<
We'd like you to rat on your bastard
colleagues. especially the weird one with no
mates who goes bell ringing, looks like Mr
Majika and sports a monk's haircut (and is a
woman). Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/bastardcolleagues/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Darth Vader church carving <<
Washington National Cathedral held a
competition for children to design a grotesque
(like a gargoyle but without the water). To
their credit they went with the popular choice
of the Dark Lord of the Sith. Not so often
pointed out on tours - the crude cock-and-balls
water spout winner of the compo they put on
the interwebs.
http://www.cathedral.org/cathedral/discover/darth.shtml

>> Rap explained through graphs <<
In spite of the title, this is a collection of
very in-jokey rap references in pie- and
bar-chart format. Raised a chuckle or two.
http://www.jamphat.com/rap/

>> 'Chav your say' <<
Blog that prospects through the BBC's news
discussion forums for shiny nuggets of bigotry,
pretension and general
being-a-sheep's-vagina-iness. Gives a sense of
smug superiority and/or despair at the futility
of the human condition, depending on your own
proclivity.
http://ifyoulikeitsomuchwhydontyougolivethere.com/

>> Non-existent film <<
Due to some sort of coding spack-out,
Temporarily Unavailable appears as an actual
film you can get hold of on this video rental
site. Inevitably, waggish users have left a
smattering of amusing reviews. "A masterpiece
of minimalism" and "I found this film literally
unwatchable" come immediately to mind.
http://snipurl.com/filmlolsforcunts

>> Racist lols <<
"Yesterday was Dr. Martin Luther King day on
this side of the pond," hoots ttdi. "This was
how the food service department at my
university decided to...er...celebrate." They
could, perhaps have given a little more thought
to what was going on the menu.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Thinly_veiled_racism

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Better than ceefax we suppose

>> Sweary Aussie ad man <<
We'd like to think that this is what Australian
advertising is like normally but sadly it's a
blooper reel. Anyway, a combination of his
beaming, wholesome face and free-flowing foul
mouth makes for comedy gold.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nsP4QsMiFA

>> Ant colony plaster-cast <<
Scientists, or at least we assume they're
scientists, pour concrete down an ant nest,
then clear away the soil when it's hardened.
The good stuff starts at about 2:50, with the
rest effectively talking about how great ants
are. Fascinating stuff, as the shape of the
colony is revealed a la Rachel Whiteread. It
is, however, slightly disturbing just how
callous the film crew is about all the killing.
We hope they don't start thinking our house is
interesting.
http://b3ta.com/links/Enormous_plaster_cast_of_an_ant_colony

>> Bubble-blowing dolphins <<
Everybody's favourite sea-going mammals,
mucking about in that effortlessly impressive
way they have. It's probably the equivalent of
us doing tricks with our farts though.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Dolphins

>> Church-moving song <<
Peculiar bit of TV, with a church choir singing
their hearts out to accompany the moving of a
100-year-old church across America on the back
of a very big lorry. Nice music, lovely visuals.
http://snipurl.com/100twats

>> 'Party at Google's house' <<
Mandatory to include this week's hot web
in-jokey link. Google has a party and all the
guests are other websites. Some nice
characterisation, although we're a bit offended
we don't seem to have been invited to join in
the lols.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Internet_has_a_party

>> Awesome George Washington <<
Excellent song and animation about the
supernatural qualities of the US President.
Reminded us a bit of 'Pablo Picasso was never
called an asshole'. But with a lot more death.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1696935

>> Plasticine disaster <<
Satan destroys a plasticine-based civilisation
and tells some kids that humanity is
unimportant. Rather odd animation based on a
Mark Twain short story from his 'I hate
everything' period. Like a particularly bleak
and soul-blasting Wallace & Gromit.
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=cqi5F5MqqTQ

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Triple penetration funny lols

* HORSE WITH COCK MARKINGS - "You wouldn't want
to ride bareback..." (davepomphret)
http://www.horsenetwork.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=2057

* ARTY STATEMENT - "I was looking for cheese
and I found something more profound..." (adrian)
http://www.artisanalcheese.com

* HANDS THAT DO DISHES... "I always keep a
stash of this in my drawer at work. Keeps my
hands lovely and soft. And prevents friction
burns when my secretary wanks me off." (Goatboy)
http://snipurl.com/bashthebishop

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Maps Challenge

Last week we wanted you to redesign maps.

Your favourites included:

* THE MIDDLE EAST - everyone's favourite
internecine conflict and the UN peace roadmap
explained via a simple red line (b3th)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/7975133

* BELARUS - putting a cheery face on Europe's
biggest sufferer of radioactive fallout
(printmeister)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/7962978

* YOU ARE HERE - yes, you are (Dixon Scarlet)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/7961871

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/maps/

>> New challenge: Wrong Man For The Job <<
Imagine: Howard Marks is presenting Top Gear,
while Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall is down the
Chicken Shack serving up nuggets. Show us the
wrong men for the jobs. Challenge suggested by
HappyToast.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/wrongman/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* COCK APP - ShodoPan writes, "In last week's
newsletter, you asked, 'What next? A web app to
add purple cocks and fluffy kittens?' At the
price of considerable self-loathing, my answer
to you is 'Yes.' Here it is, in all its spunky
glory." Heh, this amuses us more than it
should, so if you've got a jpeg on your desktop
give it a quick go.
http://www.cs.grinnell.edu/~youngian/b3tizer/

* UNEXPECTED EMAIL FROM FREAKPOWER - "Hi B3ta,
I'm afraid i can't offer you anything for this,
except maybe some wholesome man sex, but is
there anyway I can convince you to give a plug
of some sort to the Freakpower reunion gig at
the jazz cafe on the 22nd of February.
Freakpower was a one-hit wonder band from the
mid 90's and I was the bald guy from that band.
Always enjoy your rag. Ashley." Heh, how
disarmingly self-effacing. *sings Spacemaaan, I
always wanted you to go into spaaaaceman* Sorry
- only messing.

* CHEAP CAT TOYS - HappyToast blithers, "Having
just read this weeks newsletter and
stripeertw's suggestion to buy our cat a bath
chain, I thought I'd make sure everyone was
aware of the manic pleasure cats get from Emery
Boards (nail files/buffing pads/call 'em what
you will). Ours go mental, rubbing against
them, chewing at them and chasing them wherever
we drag them. Only question is why? Can some
bright B3ta spark tell us if they contain a
substance similar to catnip, and more
importantly if the things are actually toxic?!"

* DAILY MAIL HEADLINEATOR - "I don't know if
anyone else has already done this," wonders
Greem, "but as requested in your latest
newsletter, I've made a Daily Mail
Headlineinator. Enjoy!"
http://www.greem.co.uk/dailymail

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
White Dwarf

Simple, addictive; collect the green balls then
touch a blue ball to bank your points. Avoid
the red balls. Red balls are death! Got it?
Great. It's slightly trickier than it looks.
Nothing particularly whitey or dwarfey about it
though, which was a very mild disappointment.
http://whitedwarfgame.com/

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* TRAIN/PLUG LOLS - "On a lot of trains they
have plugs, with a little sign that says they
are for laptops and mobile chargers only. What
I want to know, and see in photographic form,
is the biggest household appliance that can be
used on a train. How many toasters does it take
to bring a train to a standstill? Or is there
some simple science why this whole idea is
rubbish?" (hickford)

* MOUSE PATTERNS - Ever wondered what shapes
your mouse makes whilst you use it? Get a glass
desk, and place your camera on a long exposure
beneath it. We reckon it might look quite
pretty.

* USB MOUTH ORGAN - store your files and handy
for playing the hobo blues, "I done lost my
woman, my house and my data."

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:

This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Professor Kenny
Martin, Rusty, Fat Joe, Snail, Redsushi,
Chairman Wow, Enzyme , Professor Fnord, Mr
Tocker, xemetery, purple_gromit. Additional
linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjectline from my
other username is a porsche and mugatu.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
Pringles tins make the best ashtrays, even when
accidentally kicked the ash is virtually
unspillable, and they come with a handy lid.
(beard of destiny)

-------------------------------------------------

SICKIPEDIA:
What's the first sign of madness? Suggs walking
up your driveway.

Not sick enough for you? Ok: What's black and
white and goes to bed hungry? Heath Ledger's
cat.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 662 - Jan. 23, 2008 - Alternative Names For Cubicles

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange but Amazing Insults:

He's so fat, he has the only car in town with stretch marks.

He's so short he can sit on a piece of toilet paper and dangle his feet.

He's the first in his family born without a tail.

What color is the sky in your world?

What he lacks in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.

When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holding an umbrella.

When I look into your eyes, I see the back of your head.

You're so ugly your husband takes you with him everywhere he goes so he doesn't have to kiss you bye.

Instead of being born again, why don't you just grow up?

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - Alternative Names For Cubicles

14. Soul-Sucking Pod o' Death

13. Tomb of the Unknown Bureaucrat

12. Slack-In-The-Box

11. Headquarters, Jodie Foster Fan Club

10. Peon Palazzo

9. Yuppie Terrarium

8. The SnackFooda Triangle

7. English Majors Entry Point

6. Luxury Manhattan Apartment

5. Picasso's Folly

4. International Porn Downloading Headquarters

3. Fortress of Servitude

2. Casa de Livin' La Vida Veal

1. Wraparound Turbo Demoralizer 2000

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

CUTE LITTLE APE FACE - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/133908.html

STRANGE NEW SLIDING TOY DEMO - GIRL FLIPS OVER! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134119.html

STRANGE NEW SLIDING TOY DEMO - GIRL FLIPS OVER! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/134119.html

'BIG FOOT' TRUCKS IN ACTION - FLYING! - 11 - CRUSHING MOTORHOME - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/134426.html

STRANGE ROCK FORMATION - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/134494.html

1918 ICE CREAM TRUCK - 'THE REID COMPANY' - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/134535.html

SEXY FEMALE CADETS - LONG LEGS - HIGH HEELS - SHORT SKIRTS! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/134561.html

NAVAL SHIP CUTS THROUGH HEAVY SEAS! - HUGE WAVES! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/134562.html

STRANGE CLASSIFIED AD - TRADE PLAYBOY MAGS FOR GUNS? - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/134570.html

STRANGE ROCKY BEACH - SHARED WITH THE SOLDIERS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134572.html

WWI - MOTORCYCLE WITH MACHINE GUN MOUNTED ON SIDECAR - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/134585.html

CRAZY MATADOR - CONFRONTING EL TORO! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/134590.html

STRANGE CIRCUS ACTS - FREAK SHOWS - VIOLETTA - NO ARMS/LEGS - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/134597.html

STRANGE CIRCUS ACTS - FREAK SHOWS - HAIRY FACE - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/134600.html

1909 CONSTRUCTION OF THE TITANIC - AFLOAT - AFT CONSTRUCTION - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/134626.html

STRANGE JAPANESE 'LADIES' AUTO INTERIORS! PINK AND FRILLY! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/134642.html

STRANGE 'Q-TIP' COW CLEANER & MASSAGER! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/134643.html

STRANGE FISHING LURE - FOR MEN OR FISH? - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/134644.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - Why I Lost My Job - Accidents - Things That Happen While Working - OSHA Violations

http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/category/100441_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Golfing Autopsy - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/134609.html

You're Probably From Pennsylvania if............. - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/134610.html

The Evening Out, The Cat and The Taxi Driver - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/134673.html

The Stella Awards - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/134674.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - Why I Lost My Job - Accidents - Things That Happen While Working - OSHA Violations

http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/category/119_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tornados - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 661 - Jan. 20, 2008 - Top 25 Office Inspirational Posters

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes:

"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats." Howard Aiken

"Life is moderately good play with a badly written third act." Truman Capote

"He who stops being better stops being good." Oliver Cromwell

"Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone." Rodney Dangerfield

"Crime is the soul of lust. What would pleasure be if it were not accompanied by crime? It is not the object of debauchery that excites us, rather the idea of evil." Marquis de Sade

"Good management is the art of making problems so interesting and their solutions so constructive that everyone wants to get to work and deal with them." Paul Hawken

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Top 25 Office Inspirational Posters

TOP 25 SAYINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE ON THOSE OFFICE INSPIRATIONAL POSTERS

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

We put the "k" in "kwality."

If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing.

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.

A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.

If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.

Plagiarism saves time.

If at first you don't succeed, try management.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

We waste time, so you don't have to.

Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!

Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.

When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.

INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.

Succeed in spite of management.

Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.

We waste more time by 8:00 in the morning than other companies do all day.

You pretend to work, and we'll pretend to pay you.

Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

TINY BIG EYED CHIHUAHUA - ALL DRESSED UP! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/133738.html

LAST HELICOPTER OUT OF SAIGON - VIETNAM - FAMOUS PHOTO - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134000.html

STRANGE JAPANESE - ASIAN TRUCKS - CUSTOM PAINT - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/134326.html

MARINE CORP POSE WITH CAPTURED SANDANISTA BATTLE FLAG - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/134401.html

3 COLORFUL PARROTS - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/134408.html

STRANGE BRIDGE - WHERE'S THE WATER? - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/134413.html

'BIG FOOT' TRUCKS IN ACTION - FLYING! - 14 - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/134423.html

HOT DOG - REALLY ! WITH MUSTARD & BUN! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/134442.html

PIT BULL MOMMA - WITH A TWO PACK PUPPY CARRY CASE! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/134446.html

IRAQ - SNIPER ACTION - FINDING THE TARGET - THRU THE SCOPE - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/134456.html

AERIAL VIEW OF OLD FORTRESS CITY - WITH MOAT - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/134463.html

COMPUTER PROBLEMS - LOGGING ON TO AOL - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/134481.html

STRANGE REDNECKS - HILLBILLY OVERALLS! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/134482.html

FUTURE PLAYMATE OF THE MONTH - IN TRAINING! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134485.html

STRANGE JAPANESE WEDDINGS - BRIDE & GROOM - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134506.html

FOUR MILITARY AIRCRAFT IN FORMATION OVER NEW YORK CITY - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/134511.html

STRANGE PINK SPORTS CAR - 1 - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/134555.html

STRANGE BIG TRUCK DUMPING PLATFORM - WOULD YOU STAY IN THE CAB? - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/134560.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - STRANGE TOYS - Ad Campaigns & Products

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/33_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Questions That Need to be Answered!!! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/134397.html

Quiz: Are YOU the Annoying Co-worker? - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/109183.html

Longest Jail Sentence! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/108666.html

Las Vegas Trivia - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/108186.html

13 Quick Lawyer Jokes - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/21084.html

Things ONLY a Police Officer Can Say - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/20950.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - STRANGE TOYS - Ad Campaigns & Products

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/110_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

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[b3ta] "LOOKS LIKE WE PICKED THE WRONG WEEK TO QUIT LANDING PRACTICE"

Diese Zusammenfassung ist nicht verfügbar. Klicke hier, um den Post aufzurufen.

Vol 659 - Jan. 13, 2008 - What is a Cat? What is a Dog?

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Quotes About Parents

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. - Rita Rudner

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. - Sam Levenson (1911 - 1980)

The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children. - King Edward VIII (1894 - 1972)

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children. - Clarence Darrow (1857 - 1938)

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - -What is a Cat? What is a Dog?

What is a Cat?

1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.

CONCLUSION:
They're tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?

1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.

CONCLUSION:
They're tiny men in little fur coats.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

BATTLESHIP - 16 INCH GUNS! BOOM! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/133683.html

STRANGE SMOKING ILLUSION - SKULL - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/133902.html

OLDE PIX - COPS INVESTIGATE AUTO CRASH - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/134016.html

MADONNA AND HER VERY STRANGE ARMS! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/134067.html

JESSE JAMES - 1882 CASKET PICTURE - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/134072.html

STRANGE "SANDWICH BOARD" SIGN - TORTURE! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/134093.html

CHARLIE CHAPLAIN - OLDE B&W SILENT MOVIE - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/134098.html

LITTLE KITTEN - PRAYING FOR SOME CATNIP? - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/134105.html

THIRSTY CAPE BUFFALO FACES HUNGRY ALLIGATORS - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/134107.html

F-1 RACER STRIKES DEER CROSSING THE ROAD - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/134118.html

STRANGE WASHING INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN - GIVE IT TO YOUR WIFE! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/134123.html

STRANGE PANDA RACING - BUMPER CARS! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/134124.html

LITTLE BEARS HELP EACH OTHER GET INTO THE DUMPSTER - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/134130.html

STRANGE PET FOOD AD - CAT TAIL WINDSHIELD WIPER! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134134.html

STRANGE HANDCUFFS - PAST AND PRESENT - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/134140.html

STRANGE LAMBORGHINI - FRONT - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/134168.html

COOL PICTURE - BERN SWITZERLAND - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/134228.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - FARM FUN - Farm Fields - Tractors - Barns - Animals

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/100296_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange but True Baseball Injuries - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/134066.html

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when... - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/134084.html

Strange Information and History - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/134085.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - FARM FUN - Farm Fields - Tractors - Barns - Animals

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/119_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html